(Closed) I Don't Want a Traditional Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

Why not worry about this once you actually get engaged?  No sense arguing with your SO right now about a hypothetical wedding.

When you two do get engaged and begin to really think about wedding plans and discussing budgets then you both may have a better idea of what you want and what you can actually afford.

Post # 3
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t want a traditional wedding either. An elopment or courthouse wedding is more our style! The only problem I see you having is your Fiance is not on the same page as you…

If you’re really worried about hurting people’s feelings with a small wedding then you’re going to upset a lot more people if the two of you just run off. But most importantly I would work on getting your Fiance to better see the reality of a large wedding. Convince him that the money saved can go towards something more practical for you two 🙂

Post # 4
Member
925 posts
Busy bee

Dont have a wedding if you can’t afford it.
Weddings are a lot of money, a lot more than I thought they were. Really look at your financial situation and go from there

 

Post # 5
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

The place to start would be researching a bit with your SO about what he wants and how much it would cost. He might change his mind. Or he might still want to go ahead with it, and his family could offer to pay, and he could be fine with accepting the money (it’s his family so I think that is more his call). I think it’s a good thing to make sure your Fiance is aware of how much things cost/how much effort it takes but I think also you should be open minded to the idea that after he really knows he may still want it. So you guys will have to find a compromise.

You could also try to pin down what exactly is important to him about the traditional wedding. Does he want to have a big party/really feel like he is celebrating… does he want everyone he knows to witness your vows, etc. Some people think the amount of effort/money/time spent on the wedding is a reflection of how seriously they are taking the marriage. Maybe the traditional things like cutting the cake, white dress, etc will make the wedding and marriage feel more real for him. Based on what it is about a traditional wedding that is important to him you can find a compromise. Small wedding/large bbq wedding/large punch & cake daytime wedding, champagne brunch wedding… there are a TON of variations. It’s not just 50K big wedding or small elopement.

Post # 6
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

You’re going to have to talk to your SO about it. Look up numbers, spreadsheets. Find some sample venues and vendors, and find out their pricing. Show him how it all adds up. Discuss what is important to you, and find out what about a traditional wedding is important to him. There is compromise somewhere, you just have to talk it out. A snapshot of marriage 😉

Post # 7
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Also I agree with PP that there is really no sense in discussing this or worrying about this until after you are engaged! Believe me opinions change once it’s official!!

Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Is it the norm in your country that the parents pay for the wedding?

 

The only reason why I ask this is because where I come from (not USA) a couple pays for their own wedding so must marry with their own means hence there is no discussion about having or not having a wedding we can’t ourselves afford. Call me silly but I thought that would be the case for everyone 

Post # 11
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
awilliams23:  But when you are talking in hypotheticals and dreams you aren’t talking realistically.  You will be surprised once you two do get engaged and it is ‘real’ how much your ideas will probably change.  Once you actually have to plan and pay for a wedding out of your own pockets you tend to reconfigure your dreams a lot.

But I really think at this point, now that you have an idea of what your dream weddings would be, it would be best to take a step back and not worry about it until the time actually comes to make solid, real plans.

Post # 12
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Before getting engaged, Fi wanted:

-a DJ

-sit-down dinner

-full tux with tails

-full bridal party(6-12 total attendants)

-150+ guests

and I wanted to elope.

We are getting married next month, and literally none of the above is being done.  Spotify, buffet, suit, no attendants, and 40 guests, was our compromise.

Seriously, once you are engaged, priorities shift and expectations are easier to manage.  

Post # 13
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
awilliams23:  

 

have you consider Vegas? I have a girlfriend married in Vegas @ a beautiful chapel in a hotel,  then invited all the guests (close family and close friends) to Ceasar for dinner buffet. They book a private room in the buffet area, and the guests just grab their plate and dine in the private room. 

I seen her wedding photos, it’s beautiful and stress free. 

Post # 15
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

There was a lot of pressure in my family to go with a larger traditional wedding. There has been people constantly fighting on who should be on the guestlist (including people I may have not even met or barely see), and it is around 250 people.  My wedding is not until next summer (we had a long engagement), but I can not tell you how stressed/worn out I am already, and after seeing all the potential bills, I am seriously questioning of whether I should go through with it (larger wedding). There is NO need to start a marriage off in debt.  Bigger is not always better.  Just put some more thought into this before you proceed.  Good luck!

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