- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I apologize for the length, but I really need to vent.
My FH and I are planning on having a small bridal party – just my best friend and two of his best friends. My FH has two sisters (who will be 22 and 15 at the time of the wedding) that I do not want as bridesmaids. While I have no major issues with either of them, I’m not friends with them either – they are generally very selfish and bratty. I don’t even see them besides holidays and never talk with them on the phone, etc. Even more, we’re not including ANY family in the bridal party – I have two brothers and a half sister.
Problem is, they, and Future Mother-In-Law, assume they will be bridesmaids. Every time it’s been brought up I’ve tried to change the subject or gloss over it saying we haven’t made any definite decisions yet (we’re almost halfway through a 2 1/2 year engagement). Recently Future Mother-In-Law and the younger Future Sister-In-Law were visiting (we are in FL, they and the rest of our families are in MI). During a car ride, with all of us, Future Mother-In-Law asked who would be in the bridal party again. Future Sister-In-Law immediately yelled “me!” After quite a long pause, I said we haven’t decided yet and FH said “we’ll see” to Future Sister-In-Law. She then asked what do you mean and FH repeated, we’ll see. She proceeded to throw her phone down on the floor of the car, wrap her arms across her body and pout the rest of the way home. I had wanted to tell her right then and there no, she was not going to be a bridesmaid, but we were only 10 minutes into a 2 hour car ride and I didn’t feel like arguing the entire drive. While 7 years older, the other Future Sister-In-Law isn’t much better. She has once remarked “I better be a bridesmaid, or else”.
Future Mother-In-Law will also be upset… she’s already upset and angry with us for having a smaller wedding (approx 120) when she has a list of 300 people she wants (yes, THREE HUNDRED) and not getting married in a church (both FH and I are agnostic). Anytime FH or I talk to her, she brings up at least one of the wedding issues and will not let anything go. I hate upsetting my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law, but this is our wedding, and we are paying for the whole thing ourselves. We want to do things OUR way, not our families way. We have already compromised where and when the wedding will actually take place, I don’t want to compromise this. The bridesmaids should be MY decision. My mother suggested just giving in, because otherwise they’ll be complete brats. Then, I would feel horrible not including at least my brothers (I’m not close to and barely know my half-sister who is much older). Then our bridal party would be 7… instead of the nice small 3 member party we wanted.
I’m torn as what to do… give in or stick my ground?
P.S.: FH is completely fine with not including his sisters, he knows they would only make things more difficult for me. I’ve suggested them standing up on his side to appease his mother, but he doesn’t like this idea. We’ve also already considered asking them to be ushers or do something else, but this wouldn’t help – they would only feel shafted and be just as angry.