(Closed) I don’t want FSILs to be bridesmaids….

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that you should make it clear how you feel and let them know exactly what you plan to do about the wedding party. That’s what I had to do once I chose to only have my sister stand – not fiances sister or cousins etc.

Post # 4
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I say stick to your guns.  Let your Fiance break the news that you want to keep the bridal party small.

Then, give the sisters corsages and have them walk down the aisle with/before/after the MOG so that their position as honored members of the family is clear.

Post # 5
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think its important for either you or your Fiance to let them know they will not be in the actually wedding party.

Is there any other part of the ceremony or wedding day that you might be able to include them in?

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Iiiick I don’t know.  I included my FI’s sisters but they’re awesome and we get along really well, and I wanted to make a nice little hey-we’re-SILs gesture.  But if mine were acting like yours are, I dont konw.  You know you’ll have a TON of drama if they don’t get to be BMs, but you’ll get just as much if you do choose to include them.  If it were me, I’d leave it out and have my Fiance talk seriously with them about it.  "We want to keep the bridal party small, other siblings aren’t being included either blah blah."  If you’re paying for it yourselves, I don’t think you need to bend over backwards to satisfy people who are acting like children. 

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

You definitely need to put your foot down, and say to everyone, "This wedding is about two people…myself and my FH." People need to grasp that concept, and realize that while their opinions are valued, they don’t ultimately make the decisions.

You know what budget, size, and style you want your wedding to be. That’s been determined, and I wouldn’t let others try to change that. This is your day, and you only get to do it once. So do it right, and do it your way. =)

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would just say no next time they ask.  Between us, we have 6 sisters, so having every sister be a bridesmaid just wasn’t an option.  Sure some of them were upset and we heard some snarky comments, but it’s our wedding.  They don’t get to make the choice of whether they are bridesmaids or not.  Good luck, and remember to stick to your guns!

Post # 10
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ohhhh starburst — i am totally annoyed FOR you! The bottom line is, you and your Fiance want a small bridal party, you aren’t even including your OWN siblings and you don’t have an overly close relationship with your FSILs. Don’t have them in the wedding. You have not ASKED them so they should not ASSUME anything. (You know what they say about people who assume…)

Post # 11
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

stick to your guns on this one sista! I can tell you have made some sacrifices already and dealt with some guilt trips already too, and are probably having trouble deciding which would be worse on this particular decision.  As someone almost done with her engagement, I encourage you to stick to what you want on this one, as this is one of the most personal parts of your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Could your Fi be a real hero fo you and tell them that it’s his idea not to have them?  That you wanted to include them as a family thing, but he insisted on sticking to the plans the two of you made about keeping it small.  (maybe that he knows them beter than you, and feels they aren’t up for it.  Are you out of town and need a lot of help?)  It would be so much worse for you to take the heat than him.  And of course if you don’t ask them to be BMs, they’d naturally want to be upset with you.

A lot of times I might say to include them as a nice gesture to nurture the bonds with your new family.  But in this case, I’m not sure that would happen.  If you don’t want them in the wedding,  I say stick to your guns.  Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Stick to your guns lady!!!

I did not have my Future Sister-In-Law in our wedding  –  and I let Darling Husband have the final say on the issue.  We are not close, she is very immature and I completely understand where you’re coming from on this.  

It is your wedding and besides, as family, they will already be a part of the day no matter what. None of DH’s siblings were in our wedding party – but they were all pictured in our family portraits.  It worked out fine.  Don’t worry…it will all work out.  Just be thankful that your Fiance is on the same page with you about it!

Post # 14
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have to agree with everyone else – the FSILs sound very unpleasant and you have no obligation to include them in your wedding party.  Much as I would like to say you should just make your Fiance deal with telling them they aren’t bridesmaids, these girls are going to be family for the rest of your lives.  I think you need to talk to them, and explain your decision, and try to be the bigger person and be as polite to them as possible.  Offer to include them/recognize them some way special that day, even if you know they are going to turn you down, and then you can feel okay knowing you did everything you could to make them feel included.  If they’re still going to act so immature, it’s not your problem.  Good luck! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Well that is certainly a horrible situation that you have been put into. I have to say that you should do what you really want. I didn’t want my Future Sister-In-Law in mine and she is anyway and not to mention completely unhelpful. Both my FH and I wish she just wasn’t but, it is now to late. Do what you want and make it clear that it is not anything personal you just want to keep it small and that your brothers are also not in it. How can they really argue with that. Good luck hope it all works out well for you!

Post # 16
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

To play devil’s advocate….yes they are being bratty, but their feelings are clearly hurt. I know it’s about you and your Fiance, but it’s also about merging your families. So take this into consideration. No matter they’ll always be your SIL, do you really want to start that off on the wrong foot? And would it kill you to have them and your brothers in the wedding? Just something to think about.

The topic ‘I don’t want FSILs to be bridesmaids….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors