(Closed) I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would include her, ahe may suprise you.

Post # 4
Member
46388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you already asked them? If so, too late.

If not, I would reconsider asking all of them. It would be hurtful to her if you had all the other sisters and not her. Could you limit the selction to one sister from each side? Do you have girlfirends you could ask?

Post # 5
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm…you may just have to suck it up or decide not to have all of them, but you really can’t purposely disclude one.

How old are his other sisters? If she was the youngest by far, say, all the rest of his sisters are 18+ or something, you may be able to give her another job in the wedding? I think it’s important to remember that she’s only 11 and thats still very young.

 

Post # 6
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would include her- not that it excuses her behavior, but she’s still young.  10 years from now, she’s still going to be your SIL, and chances are she will grow out of this behavior (or one can hope!).

If she starts to get out of line, can your Fiance have a talk with her?  Or one of the other sisters?  Or FI’s mom even?  You need to find someone to agree to corral her if she starts to get out of line or whines.  Someone who will put her in her place if she gets out of hand.

Also, just because she is a “bridesmaid” does NOT mean you have to include her on all of the prewedding activities.  I think it would be highly inappropriate to include the 9 and 11 year olds in something such as a bachelorette party, for example, and I’m sure you’ll have a bridal shower with so many guests that one pouty 11 year old will not even be noticed. And on the big day, you’ll be in your “bride bubble” and nothing will be able to ruin that.:)

Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like he has another sister who will also be a bridesmaid. If she’s old enough (i.e. 16 or older), privately ask her as a favor to you to keep an eye on the younger girl on the day and guide her in proper behavior. That way you don’t have to worry about it or be the “mean” SIL.

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would talk to her when you formally ask her to be Bridesmaid or Best Man and play up what an honour it is. Giggle over learning to walk like princesses etc to ease the way but impress that she is there to help YOU. It isn’t compulsory and if she doesn’t think she’s up to it she doesn’t have to. That way she is entering into it with eyes open and an understanding that the day is not about her.

11 yrs is old enough to grasp this and also young enough to enjoy the dressing up and pretty side of things. 

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would talk to her when you formally ask her to be Bridesmaid or Best Man and play up what an honour it is. Giggle over learning to walk like princesses etc to ease the way but impress that she is there to help YOU. It isn’t compulsory and if she doesn’t think she’s up to it she doesn’t have to. That way she is entering into it with eyes open and an understanding that the day is not about her.

11 yrs is old enough to grasp this and also young enough to enjoy the dressing up and pretty side of things. 

Post # 9
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

From what you’ve described, I think that you’ll have to ask her.  When/If you do, basically tell her what your expectations are of her and that you won’t tolerate unruly behavior…period! 

Post # 10
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you have already asked her, don’t just kick her out.  Give her a chance.  Why can’t you just tell her the behavior that is expected from her?  And… if she is that big of a problem, tell her of the behavior that will not be tolerated as well.  Maybe you and your Fiance can tell her together if you think that will help.  Or, maybe you can disguise it and tell all of the younger girls together so she will not feel singled out, if you think that will work.  Even if she is a spoled brat – spoiled brats only misbehave if you allow it.  Make sure there are consequences when she misbehaves – even if the consequence is she is kicked out in the end if she can’t honor your expectations for her behavior.  But like I said, have a talk with her first and give her a chance to behave.  She may not be aware of the fact she is bratty.  That may just be her normal.  

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