(Closed) I don't want kids…help

posted 3 years ago in No Kids
Post # 3
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

Also what if my fiance does and I dont?

You can’t be serious?

Post # 4
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

misskitty90 :  I also am confused. Have you discussed this with your fiance? This should have been a topic before the two of you decided you would make plans to get married….

Post # 5
Member
6345 posts
Bee Keeper

misskitty90 :  Have you and your fiancé not discussed children? That was certainly one of the major topics we covered before even discussing marriage.

There is nothing wrong with choosing a child free future but it is something upon which you and your partner should certainly agree. 

Post # 6
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

If you and your fiance have not talked about whether or not you’re going to have kids yet, you need to have that conversation IMMEDIATELY. Like, today. Because if he definitely wants kids and you definitely don’t, you shouldn’t be getting married.

As for people after the wedding (if it happens), it’s none of their business. When they ask when you’re having kids, say that you’re not, it’s a decision you’re comfortable with, and it’s not changing. Then walk away or change the subject.

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

1. Talk with your Fiance and tell him you don’t want kids. This should be a delbreaker for any of you. If he wants kids, then it is time to say goodbye (if you are adamant on not having kids).

2. Ignore your family, they don’t get a say in how, why or if you are having o not kids. They will ask, suggest and tell. Just smile and reply “not interested”.

3. Use birth control to avoid unexpected pregnancies.

Post # 8
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Please have an ADULT conversation with your Fiance before you even walk down the aisle. You don’t even sound old enough to get married let alone have children…

Post # 9
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

misskitty90 :  If your Fiance wants kids and you don’t, you break up.  It is the best thing for both of you.  Doesn’t mater how much you love eachother, because love doesn’t solve that problem.   That said, how you get to the part of your relationship where there is a ring involved and wanting kids has not come up is crazy.  Kids are easiest the biggest deal breaker.  There is no halves, no compromises.  You have them or you don’t.  

Post # 10
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

misskitty90 :  This is something you definitely need to talk about with your fiance and make sure that you’re both in agreement in this aspect of your relationship. Unfortunately, if you and your fiance are at odds with each other with regard to a decision of this magnitude, it would be best to part ways.

It’s unfair of Partner 1 to try to talk Partner 2 into having kids if Partner 2 knows that they don’t want them, but it’s also unfair of Partner 2 to try to deny Partner 1 the possibility of children if Partner 1 does want children. This is why this is a major topic that needs to be discussed early in the relationship.

Post # 11
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Oh my god, honey you need to find out if your Fiance wants kids like yesterday. That’s a huge deal breaker for a lot of people and it’s not really something you can compromise on.

As for people asking the wedding, just say you aren’t interested in having kids and change the subject it’s none of thier business.

Post # 12
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper

Having or not having children should be something you discuss with your SO prior to marriage.  You need to clearly communicate your feelings to your SO immediately.

Post # 13
Member
455 posts
Helper bee

This is dealbreaker material. Talk to your fiance about what he wants. Have you talked about your future at all? This is a big question to not have asked.

You don’t NEED an excuse to not want kids, so just be honest. “We have decided not to start a family, and this is the right path for us.” and let it be. Stop worrying about what people think.

Post # 14
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

passthepeas :  It’s certainly possible. I know a woman who was in the OP’s FI’s position. She did not find out that her husband was dead set on not having children until several years after they were married (when she wanted to TTC). They are together and child-free many years later, but she still resents that she feels the decision was out of her hands to some degree.

Post # 15
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

misskitty90 :  

you posted 6 months ago about you not being sure if your Fiance wanted kids or not and I see your wedding is in November!! You desperately need to tell him!  If you don’t want them and he does and you go through the wedding, he could easily have grounds for divorce/annullment because you are misleading him going into the marriage.  PLEASE talk to him, it’s been 6 months that you have had this concern!!

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