I don't want kids…help

posted 3 years ago in No Kids
Post # 16
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It doesn’t matter if some of your reasons for not wanting kids are “vain.” Your reasons are valid because it’s your body and your life, and you should never have kids to appease other people.

But for the love of everything good, do not get married without speaking with your Fiance about this. Seriously, do it today.

Post # 17
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Well for starters, you tell your fiance that you don’t want kids and don’t get married if it’s non-negotiable…

Post # 18
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I see you are getting married next month which means you need to talk to your fiance about this immediately. He has the right to make this decision as much as you do. Be prepared that this is a deal breaker for many people and this may be a difficult conversation. 

 

Post # 19
Member
277 posts
Helper bee

Have or not having kids is not something to be compromised on. You need to find a partner that also doesn’t want kids. About other people- it doesn’t matter, if you don’t want them then that’s your choice to make, not theirs.

Post # 20
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

misskitty90 :  Tell people you don’t want kids. It’s that simple. As far as you an your fiance not on the same page with kids. .. I don’t know how you don’t already have that sorted out if you’re getting married. that’s something you should already have worked out. 

Post # 21
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My god, how do you not know if he wants kids?

My SO and I have talked about what if we can’t have kids. Are we willing to adopt? Foster? IVF? Even down to if nothing works out it will be the two of us traveling the  world and adopting a million dogs. 

You HAVE To talk about this before you get married. 

What else haven’t you talked about? Money? Cause that’s another one. 

Post # 22
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

You have to tell him: i really don’t know why couples don’t talk about this.

You both have to be on the same page and that way you can both stand firm and support each other when family or friends ask.

Post # 23
Member
10035 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The only thing that matters is being honest with your Fiance about this issue.  It’s perfectly fine to not want children, lots of people don’t.  It’s ok and normal!  

As long as it’s is a mutual decision between you and your Fiance to not have kids, just tell people, if they ask at your wedding, to take one thing at a time and let you enjoy being married for a while.  Then smile.  Walk away.  Simples. 

It’s really none of their business.

As far as your reasons for not wanting childen – they’re just as valid as the reasons people have for wanting them.  It’s your life, you have a right to live it as you choose, with the caveat that you must be honest with your Fiance, like immediately, if you haven’t already discussed with him.

Post # 24
Member
6266 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Agree with the masses – you absolutely need to discuss this with your fiancé right now.  If he’s not in the same camp, you should not get married.  It’s too big of an issue to disagree on no matter how much you love each other.

However, if you are (both) willing to compromise on this issue at all, you can discuss the possibility of fostering or adopting.  Yes you won’t have the same kind of free time, but you can start with a child who doesn’t need all the intensive support of an infant.  Say someone who is ready to start school, even.  Additionally you can keep your body as you like (just remember it’s going to change sometime anyway, though).

Post # 25
Member
9751 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

1. Tell people you are NOT planning on having kids.

2. You shouldn’t be getting married to someone who wants kids if you don’t want kids.

3.  I can’t believe you are getting married to someone and you haven’t had an in-depth discussion about this.  You need to have this conversation, yesterday.  You are not old enough to get married if you can’t discuss this.

Post # 26
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your family doesn’t get a say – it’s your life and your body, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting children. However, your fiance definitely gets a say. If he wants kids and you are strongly leaning towards not wanting them, you need to tell him. I would feel very very misled if my husband dropped that bomb on me after marriage after leading me to believe otherwise.  

Post # 27
Member
6648 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Your wedding is next month and you and your fiance haven’t even discussed whether or not you both want children?!?!

This can’t be real life…

Post # 28
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Your perfectly entitled to not want kids and if people ask simply say we aren’t having any thank you. It’s no ones business but you and your fiances. However jeeze speak to your fiancé!! You kind of need to know if he wants kids as one wanting and one not wanting is important to know! While dating Darling Husband and I discussed children he wasn’t bothered one way or another. He’d never felt a burning desire to have one however he also didn’t mind if I wanted to have one. Once we started trying and it took a while he realised he did actually want to have children and now I’m pregnant he’s quite excited. However had he been a firm no that would have been a problem. You need to know before you get married! 

Post # 29
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

You should definitely know if your fiance wants children, BEFORE you get married.

If you’re both on the same page, then it’s your life choice, and people will have opinions, but you’ll deal with it.

My guy and I are not having children, and people make comments, but it doesn’t really bother us. We’re living the lives we want. 

The caveat, however, is that not having children is an ongoing conversation, in which we check in with ourselves and each other – it’s not a one time thing. 

Post # 30
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

How can you vow to a future together if you haven’t discuss major aspects of your future together? If you haven’t discussed kids I seriously worry about other major discussione that haven’t happened…..

BTW- have a old are you? You sound very young

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