(Closed) I don’t want kids (not just at the wedding). Anyone else?

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am still unsure, but I know you are not alone 😉

Post # 4
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We are not going to have kids. I have never wanted to have kids, and Fiance perfers not to also. People have always told me that I am going to grow out of it, and that I will want them in the future. I am now 31 and still do not want them.

Post # 5
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We were both 35 when we married and in the definite: No Thanks, camp. 

We both adore children but are not willing to make the life sacrifices that parents have to make!

I love being an aunt to my nephews/nieces and my friend’s kids.  I think it’s the BEST job in the world!  You get to spoil them, teach them, and send them home and get a good night’s rest! 😉

After we were married, we talked a lot about ‘are you SURE you don’t want kids’.  I was concerned that my desire to NOT want kids influenced him and he’d resent it one day.  But, nope – we were both on the same page!

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are the same way, and we are 27 and 28.  Everyone keeps telling us it’ll change, but it hasn’t in the 7 years we’ve been together, and I don’t see it ever changing. Our life plan does not include kids, and we are both on the same page.  I made sure before we got married, cuz i told him I was confident in my decision and he had to support me 100% before I would go through with marrying him. His dad is a little sad, cuz we are the last hope for carrying on the name, but he said its our life and we can do what we want.  I have never wanted kids so I know my feelings won’t change, even when I am going to get the supposed 30 year itch

Post # 7
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Good for you for knowing and agreeing on this. I always think of that one day when your older (50’s-60’s) and that itch comes, and it’s too late. But that is just me. I know there are others that are in the same boat and I respect you.

Post # 8
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MrsSl82be: everyone keeps telling me it will change, too – but, I’m not so sure.  I will say that post marriage I’m more open to it due to the stability of the relationship, but I wouldn’t be proactive about it!  Sometimes when I’m around my friend’s kids, I DO get that itch (it’s more like a tingle) but it never lasts very long! and it’s always because I just want to SEE what my kid would look like/turn out to be.  It has nothing with the desire to raise and/or care for a child!

Post # 9
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Lindsay05: I used to work with a lady who didn’t want kids until she hit menopause and wasn’t able to have one of her own.  It could be a case of just wanting something you can’t have vs. really wanting kids… but, only that person can say for sure. 

Post # 10
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You aren’t alone I’m sure!  We are still deciding if we want to or not.  I think it’s something you shouldn’t do unless you are certain!  There’s no going back.

Post # 11
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I actually do want kids.  However, I am almost 42 so that might not happen.  Eventually you realize that if you don’t have kids, it’s not the end of the world.  There is an alternative lifestyle.  Just make sure you have enough money to take care of yourself when you’re oldSmile

Post # 12
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We don’t want kids, and I feel like I am the only one out there that doesn’t, too. We don’t have the time, like having money and just really have no interest in being parents to anything other than our furbaby. I don’t hate kids, but I’m the person offering the fake smile and forced “Oh, yeah, they’re cute” when shown a baby/kid picture.

Post # 13
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@oracle: Yep that is very true.

Post # 14
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wish I could just make up my mind on this. On the one hand, I feel like you do – I love my life right now with Fiance, and feel like the added responsibility and sacrifices for having kids maybe isn’t something I want. Then, on the other hand, I feel excited by the idea of a us as parents, seeing how Fiance would be as a dad (I’m pretty confident he’d rock), creating a new person who is half me and half him, and getting to see the world all over again through that person’s eyes. I’m just not sure if that is reason enough to change our lives forever, you know what I mean? Not to mention the enormity of creaing another human life – that’s huge. Big decision to make. Anyway, sorry to ramble, I just wanted to say kudos to you for knowing what you want!

Post # 15
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You are not alone.  I’m still unsure, but I’ve never really wanted kids.  The older I get, the more I just don’t think I’d be able to do it.  I dunno though…I’m trying to stay open to the idea.  So 99% no, 1% maybe.

Post # 16
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Bubu82: I’m totally with you. I’ve never been one of those women who “knew” they wanted kids. It was never a goal of mine to be a mother. Without that biological instinct driving you there’s much more analytical decision making going on, and a lot of what I think about is what you brought up. Having a kid means changing your whole life around for another person who (let’s face it) probably won’t acknowledge or understand those sacrafices until muuuuuuch later in life. (Believe me I didn’t!). It means funneling your income to another chute, losing the freedom to vacation or travel (or even run to the grocery store!) on a whim.

But NOT having a kid–you’re missing out on one of the fundamental experiences of life. Raising a child and bringing up the next generation. Wouldn’t I miss having a kid that was half mine and have my SOs if I didn’t?

And honestly as I get older I think maybe I DO want kids. I thought the “biological clock” thing was a bunch of hooey, but apparently it’s not! 

All this to say, (sorry OP) even though I haven’t DEFINTELY decided not to have kids, I can certainly empathize with that position!

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