(Closed) I don’t want kids there!

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
46664 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The first thing that you and your Fiance need to do is come to a joint decision. You don’t get to make all the decisions unilaterally, neither does he.

If the two of you agree, you can prevent people from bringing their children- just don’t invite them.

Post # 4
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You oculd also just invite neices and nephews and that’s all.  That way other people won’t be offended.

Post # 5
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We’re not having kids either. But there are no kids in the wedding.

Personally, if I had a flower girl or ring bearer, I would allow them to stay (or make sitting arrangements during the reception) – otherwise, who is responsible for taking the child home, in addition to buying their clothes, getting them to all the places they need to be to be a part of your wedding, etc. That’s a lot to ask of those kids’ parent(s). Plus… I don’t know, it kind of seems wrong to use them for the cute factor and then not include them for the party.

Beyond that, what julies1949 said.

Post # 6
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally understand your desire to want a child free wedding as I’m in the same boat. The only children who will be in attendance at our wedding are my 3 younger cousins (our ushers and RB) and FI’s 2 cousins who are from Out of Town (they’re the only Out of Town kids). No other children were invited and I’ve yet to hear a single complaint about it. Thankfully Fiance and I were very much on the same page when it came to this so there were no issues with deciding to nix the kiddos.

In your situation though, you both really need to come to a compromise. Some people will say that if you invite some kids you have to invite all of them but I disagree. The children of friends or extended family members do not have to fall into the same category as the children in your immediate family.

As for your desire to not include any children, I totally get it but unfortunately there’s no way to make both you and your Fiance happy. Either some kids are there or they’re not. You could compromise and only allow them for the ceremony but if you ask me, that’s the worst time to have a screaming baby/toddler. Atleast during the reception the music could drown out some of the ruckus but there’s really no saving grace during a quiet ceremony. 

Post # 7
1231 posts
Bumble bee

lol are you not having alcohol at the reception? Adults turn into giant messy babies when they drink to much. They could definately cause problems!

Seriously though, I understand you don’t want kids there, but you’re Fiance wants his niece and nephew there. So you two will need to compromise. I think you are putting more stress on yourself with what the kids “might” do. I mean i’ve been to weddings where the kids were great and had a blast and its the adults that cause the problems! If your nieces and nephews are there I don’t think anyone will say anything because they are close relatives.

I hope you two can come to a compromise. You don’t want to be upset and I know you don’t want him to be upset. You know your neices and nephews best so you two can discuss it. But honestly I doubt you would even notice if they were crying or running around, you’ll be so busy and on cloud nine with your new hubby.

Plus when they are older they will always remember being at your wedding and how much fun it was. My cousins were at my parents wedding and 31 years later they still rave about it! That could be a plus 🙂

Post # 8
4366 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Think long and hard about it. Especially as not inviting them would involve some family members. I totally get that kids can be a pain but not always. *(edit)Non-family wise you’re not friends with them but with theyre parents, just say sorry but you’re got to be tight on numbers.

When I was 12 I wasn’t invited to my first cousins wedding but my parents were and we’re a really close family.  There was no way they could leave my brothers (twins of 10) and I at home but there was no one who could look after us for all that period of time as ALL the family were at the wedding.  We ended up not going and my mom was so upset because it was her only nephew, and my brothers godfather.

It turned out that the bride (or her parents) said no kids so they could get more gifts, because they couldn’t afford it, or whatever.  They didn’t even invite 20 year old cousins on the ground that they were “kids”.  It was all a bit silly.

I guess what I am saying is that it could make things very bitter.  My parents and grandparents have never got over what happened (and at the age of 12 I was upset too, my brothers weren’t) and my moms often said she wouldn’t be surprised if they get divorced.  People always talk about how she changed him.  True or not, it’s caused bickering. Logistically, not inviting kids is a nightmare for their parents!

That said, it’s your wedding! And it’s your guest list.  Good luck!!

Post # 9
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would hold your ground and not invite kids. I completely think it’s okay to say “no kids” but to invite neices/nephews. Surely they can find a babysitter for the night? I am a firm believer that kids should not be invovled in adult activities if they’re too young to behave. I also think parents drinking alcohol + kids= no. I’m sure most parents would appreciate a night out without kids too.

It’s also what’s in your budget. For me kids plates were $50 each. It would have been cheaper for me to hire a babysitter for the night than to pay that.

Post # 10
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s tough to have kids in the wedding but not have kids at the reception.  You could do something where you only allow family members to bring kids – but again, I think you can’t really do kids free if you have kids participating in the ceremony.

Post # 11
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve been a wedding where the Mother-In-Law and bride-to-be really got into it about this. The best compromise they could come up with was to have the niece be a flower girl who sat with her dad during the ceremony. She did end up acting up and he promptly walked her out of the church. For the reception, there was a babysitter in the attached hotel that had a room in which the niece as well as children of close family from out of town (i.e., first cousins) could drop off their kids. Good luck!

Post # 12
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, firstly you can’t TELL your Fiance that there are no kids allowed. You guys really need to come to some kind of decision together. As a parent who has chosen to pass on weddings before because my daughter was not welcome I can’t honestly say that if I did go to the wedding and other children were there that I would be comparing. Obviously some children are closer to the couple than others. The people you are going to offend will be offended from the beginning. Yes, you have the right to choose whomever you want at your wedding but don’t be surprised if some parents are a bit put off. If you don’t really want children there at all, have you thought about maybe passing on the Flower Girl and RB?

Post # 13
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree that you and your FH need to come to a joint decision, otherwise it’ll only cause strife. Personally, I’m not too keen at having kids at the wedding (and yes, you CAN have them barred from the ceremony — TONS of brides actually do the opposite of what your FH is suggesting, aka have no kids at the ceremony & allow them at the reception). My FH, however (like yours) really wants his cousins there. With us, I can be happy with the kids there (though I will be PISSED if they disturb the ceremony), but he would be miserable if they weren’t.

Some Bees have mentioned hiring childcare; is this something that’s within your budget? From what I remember from your other post, you’re having to deal with enough budgetary constraints without worrying about that! 

Another thing to consider is that not having kids will reduce your cost overall, and might be something to bring up to your FH. From what you’ve said on your other post and here, he’s being a bit of an @$$. All he does is criticize, and not offer any suggestions on how to fix the issue. Personally, I would phrase it in this way: If you aren’t willing to cough up anymore for this wedding, and you don’t want to ask your parents to pay, and you can’t stand to crop the guest list or have a less extravagant wedding, then we have to find somewhere else to cut, and having a child-free wedding is one such way! (And don’t mention this to him, but if some of those relatives don’t show up because they don’t want to come sans children, then so be it. Less worry about the money!)

Post # 14
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@katiebee3: what’s the big deal with kids being at a wedding? not everything will go perfect that day.. it’s okay if kids run around at one point 🙂 i don’t know i guess I just love kids and it’s part of my culture too.. in brazil if someone said no kids at a wedding i don’t think any parents would show up

Post # 15
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Our wedding was 3 days ago and I wished I insisted that no children be invited to either the ceremony or reception. The 3, 3 year old flower girls and ring bearer were fine. Either the parents/1 parent or grandparent took the child home at various times.

It was the 14-16 year olds that caused the trouble. Apparently a football was brought and the 3 of them  were playing by the pool, they were riding the elevator up and down and running on the 2nd floor walkway. The guard told them 3-4 times to stop and when asked who their parents were they refused to answer. At one point I was asked “Whos kids are those?” and I told them to stop. Not more than an hour later one of them was throwing the football against the building and I raised my voice and said,”I told you to stop, This is a wedding, not a playground” I was furious!!! Later one of the mothers said I shouldn’t have scolded another parents child and I should have told the parents. WTF??? I’m suppose to take time from MY wedding and look for 3 seperate parents and ask them to stop their children?. I think not. My husband and I are responsible for any damage and if I see something thats might jepordize that I’m going to react.

In hind sight I would have an adult only ceremony and reception, If the parents don’t want to come without their children then they are the ones missing out and while I’m thinking about this, why would any parent want to bring a baby/toddler/child/teenager to something where theres absolutely nothing for them to do. Let them stay home with a sitter, go to g’mas house or spend the night with a friend. Personally I’d want a night out with my husband enjoying the evening and not have the bride yell at my kid!!!

Jusy sayin’

Post # 16
4 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

This is not worth the standoff when you both are getting married and doing this because you are happy and in love. Someone is going to have to compromise. I have an 18 year old son and a 2 year old daughter and I actually anticipate my baby as the flower girl to be actively talking during the service up front if not worse, running and jumping. Having children changes ones perspective on this debate. Just my opinion Wink

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