(Closed) I don't want my dad to walk me down aisle.. He's upset.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@meglor:  I’ve been avoiding hacing that convo w my bio dad as well. I asked my dad to walk me dolpen the aisle right away but I hate conflict and upsetting people so I’ve just been avoiding having that convo w my bio dad

Post # 4
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@meglor:  Have you thought about asking your mom to walk you down the aisle? It’s a bit untraditional but she seems to really be the one who has taken care of you! That way you don’t have to choose and I’m sure your step-dad would understand.

Post # 5
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you just need to bite the bullet and confront him over the phone. Stop the nonsense of him calling everyone except the one person who’s decision this truly is!

As an aside that was not your sisters place whatsoever

Post # 6
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@weatherbug:  I agree, having mom do it could be lovely. 

Another idea, from someone else who is fighting the absent dad vs stepdad choice, is to walk down the aisle along with Fiance. That’s what I’m doing.

don’t be guilted into letting dad get his way if it’s not what you want, particularly if he’s been so awful. He’s not entitled and you don’t owe it to him. He’ll have to get over it. 

Post # 9
1995 posts
Buzzing bee

@meglor:  “I really do want my step-father to do it.”

I think that’s the bottom line on the matter.  Stay strong as you navigate these tricky waters!

Post # 10
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had my father walk me down the aisle… I didn’t want to and really did it as a favor for my grandma. I’ve posted about it several times… 

I honestly regret it for several reasons that I wont get into again…

You can always walk yourself down the aisle, or just have your mother! 

Or, you can just tell your father how it is and let it be known that in your life, actions have consequences. If he wants to build a relationship with you after, he can feel free. But until he respects you as a daughter and person, there will be no relationship. 

Good luck! I know this situation is tough! keep us updated! 

Post # 11
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@meglor:  yeah it’s not going to be pleasant I’m sure but that’s the only way to nip it. 

It certainly wasn’t very nice of her! totally took the control of how you handle the situation away from you.

Post # 12
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m not letting my father walk me down the aisle for VERY similar reasons.

I haven’t told him yet, but I plan on saying something like “Dad, I still want a relationship with you but I am asking mom to walk me down the aisle. I feel like she was there for me more throughout my life. I still want to have a father daughter dance with you, and I hope you and I can work on our relationship in the future.”

If he starts whining I am just going to say something like “Mom really earned this”

We haven’t talked much over the last few years, he doesn’t really know my fiance (maybe four times total) and he hasn’t mentioned anything about the wedding since I’ve been engaged. :/

Post # 13
1119 posts
Bumble bee

@meglor:  wow I went through the same exact thing! Te only difference is my parents divorced recently and neither are remarried or in relationships. My dad did everything your dad did and then some and I didn’t have him walk me either. I felt as if he embarrassed me and my mom and brothers enough that he didn’t really deserve to walk me so i had my two brothers walk me and everyone understood and it was fine. I know it hurt him but he has hurt us in so many ways that I couldn’t let him. he lived and your dad will live. My dad was hurt and upset but he chose to forget about it and keep a relationship with me although it is a lot like your and your dads, we’re not close we are just nice to eachother when we see eachother which isn’t often. He will just have to choose if he wants to dwell over it or move on!

Post # 15
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think I’d say anything to him about it. And if he says anything about it, just say “Oh, I have someone to give me away.”

I wouldn’t play into his drama or issues.

Post # 16
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yikes, I feel for you!

If you really want your step-dad, that’s what you should do. It’s your wedding day. And a very essential moment in your wedding day!

If you just want NOT YOUR DAD you can also walk alone.

I know it’s different, but I’m also having an issue with this…my mom wants to walk me down the aisle and she’s absolutely and totally earned it. However, so has my dad. I personally want to walk alone just because for me it will be less distracting during those moments but I really don’t want to hurt their feelings.

I think ask your mom or step-dad and if your dad asks you about it DIRECTLY you can explain that “[mom/stepdad] has been a great source of emotional support for me in my life, and I know that’s who I will need to have by my side supporting me in that important moment”

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