(Closed) I don't want my father at the wedding! Advice?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 16
446 posts
Helper bee

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emilyjean89:  I would do your wedding in a registry office in a white suite, with your dad and closest family in attendance, but no-one walking you down the aisle. Maybe just a flower girl following. That gets your dad off your back.

You could then have a separate party where you invite mostly friends (and perhaps just some family members – careful with this, they might have to be the younger generation)

Or just invite him to a traditional wedding but don’t have anyone walk you down the aisle.

Don’t have a top table with any family seated there, if you think he might get rowdy. Just have lots of round tables, or just you and Fiance at a small top table.

You risk falling out with your dad big-style if he attends and you’ve replaced him with another male relative to publically show he didn’t fulfil your expectations. This is a big red humiliation flag and not one he will get over easily. Are you sure you can afford to take revenge in this way? That’s how he will see it..

I would rather have no-one walk me down and show I was an independent woman now, rather than show the world my dad didn’t cut the mustard.

Post # 17
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I had to break ties with my own father due to his abuse so I totally get you.  He was deceased by the time I married dh, so I happily walked myself down the aisle.  He wouldn’t have caused a scene, just creeped me out.

I know it sounds a bit extreme, but have you looked into hiring a private security guard for the day?  It may not be all that pricey & you could surrender all of your dad anxiety over to him or her.

Post # 18
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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emilyjean89:  I haven’t spoken to my father in 5 years and I don’t intend on inviting him to my wedding. I was also concerned about someone else telling him the details and him showing up anyway. My step-mom (his ex wife) and he have three children, who I love dearly. I still have an awesome relationship with her and of course want her and the girls to be at the wedding. But I do worry that the kids will mention it to him (not maliciously just in the excited way kids do) and he will show up. I’ve decided to ask my step-mom not to give the girls and details about the wedding (like time, location, even a specific date) so they won’t have the information to let slip to their father. 

If you really don’t want him there I would also see if your venue has security, just in case. This is a priority for Fiance and myself in choosing a venue because I want to be sure even if he does show up that he won’t be able to get in and ruin the wedding. If you really don’t want someone at your special day you don’t need to have them there! Just remember this wedding is about you and Fiance and if the father will ruin that he needs to stay as far away as possible! Good Luck! 

Post # 19
1 posts

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