(Closed) i don’t want my friend in the wedding party

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Since she feels different about your relationship than you, she is most likely going to have her feelings hurt. I’m not sure you are going to be able to avoid that.  If it were me and one of my friends, I would go out and spend some time together, get a beer and food and then tell her that yall have decided to keep it as simple as possible so you aren’t "imposing" on all your friends to have to buy a dress and be your craft slave etc.  I would talk it from the angle of "doing her a favor" by expemting her from the wedding planning stress. But thats ME.  This is not a game plan for everyone, its just how I would handle it with my friends.

Post # 5
302 posts
Helper bee

I think you should have came clean with her the first time she mentioned it.

I think it’s kind of rude of her to butt into YOUR wedding like this.

Just tell her how you feel, that you and your Fiance have already decided on a small bridal party and you picked people that you have known longer over her and if she really thinks she’s you "best friend" she should be understanding. 

A least she still invited to your wedding right?  ^_^

Personally I love helping friends like a Bridesmaid or Best Man because that’s who I am… I try to be helpful,  without being an Bridesmaid or Best Man b/c I don’t like wearing that dress and being in front of everyone.

Post # 6
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

I would just keep it simple, and explain that you’re limiting it to your one oldest friend each, but that you look forward to celebrating together with her on the day.

Post # 7
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had to come clean with my 2 best friends right after the engagement that I was just having my 2 sisters as bridesmaids. We are having a smaller wedding <100 guests, so myself and FH decided to keep the wedding party small. We decided on 2 attendants on each side (2 BM/2 GM) so my sisters were my first choice. One of my friends was sad, but also my best friends both have kids, so they will be busy with their little guys on that day as well! Just be straight, and make sure she knows its not about her, its about your preference for wedding party size!

Post # 8
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I’m in agreement with Raindrops. Just tell her you have chosen your BM’s because you have know them for so long….and leave it at that.
I also think it is very rude when anyone is that pushy presuming that they will be your Bridesmaid or Best Man….
But….yeah, keep it short & sweet, I picked X & Y because I’ve known them forever and I can’t wait to enjoy our wedding day with all of you (if you’re inviting her…lol).

Post # 9
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that she shouldn’t have pressured you to be in your wedding.  It’s unfortunate you two aren’t on the same page, regarding your friendship.  If you really don’t want her in the wedding, you just have to tell her. 

What you have in your favor is that you are actually having a very small Bridal Party.  So it’s not like you are lying by saying that.  Maybe you could tell her that you need to keep it small because it creates less stress and work for you.  Or that your Fi and you talked about having people, and the logistics of keeping it an even wedding party meant just one each.  Maybe you can add that you value her friendship and feel honored that she wanted to take part.  And when she gets married, if she wants to ask you to be in the wedding, that you would be honored.  You wished you could have worked it out to have everyone you both wanted.  But it would have been difficult to draw the line.

 Good luck. 

Post # 10
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with pp’s.. she needs to know that you won’t be having her as bridesmaid and honestly the sooner the better. Is there any other way you could include her in your wedding? Maybe she could do a reading? If she is helping in planning in any way you could include her as a bridal attendant by name only?

Post # 11
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Since you are just having a Maid/Matron of Honor, hopefully she won’t take it too hard when she comes clean. If you want her to, maybe when you talk to her about it you could mention that you’d still really appreciate her help and opinion with things like shopping, the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, etc. If you don’t actually want her help though…don’t 😉

Post # 12
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Be firm with her, trust me on this… I know of what I speak on this subject.  I had someone ask me to be in my wedding and I caved.  It has been one of the only points of tension in this whole planning process.  Be kind, but firm and tell her that you are only planning on having one person stand up for you.

Post # 14
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

If all you have is an Maid/Matron of Honor, then it should be easy enough to tell her you’re only having one person in your wedding party. Maybe you can ask her to do a reading or something if you want to keep the peace?

Post # 15
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

This friend sounds like she has a very disrespectful personality overall–she’s confrontational, she’s pushy about saying what she expects rather than asking a question, and she’s judgemental of other people based on her own values. Hmmm, I wouldn’t recommend a kind/gentle/open-hearted approach to this one.  I would keep it simple and to the point.  She sounds the kind of person who will react big time no matter what you say, so I don’t really think there’s any point in trying to cushion the blow with too many niceties.  She won’t hear them, she’ll just react.  Maybe I’m way off base here, but I’m just going based on what you’ve said so far!

Post # 16
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Shu really just sounds like she expects to be in your wedding. I know you don’t want to confront her, but it’s probably best to at least pick up the phone or tell her in person.

Let her know that you are your Fiance are planning to have just 1 person each and you’re terribly sorry she won’t be in it, but now she can relax and enjoy the wedding!

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