I don't want my sister in my wedding party

posted 3 months ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

professorplum :  

This isn’t a competition, it might seem like small potatoes to you, but you don’t get to write off someone’s struggles because you think you have it worse.

I’m glad your sister turned you down though, it made it very easy for you to get past it 🙂 no sarcasm intended, I’m happy that you had a good outcome

Post # 17
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sansa85 :  No competition implied; I was just saying, this is petty immature stuff.  The sort of stuff you get into when you’re in your early 20s and it seems like the worst ever because you don’t have the sense of perspective that comes from living a longer, fuller life.  I’m a lot older than that now, and I know that there are some moves that change a relationship forever.  Not asking her to be in the wedding party might create a long-standing rift with her sister, and she should be prepared for that. My sister not agreeing to be in mine – well, we’ll never be quite the same again, even granted what a rocky place we started.  These decisions have consequences, and I encourage the OP to think long and hard about what the consequences might be before making any decisions bassed on what was a pretty petty list of grievances.  This isn’t some random friend who is a little bitchy; this is her only sister.  There could be real fallout from keeping her out, especially if the reason is stupid sibling rivalry things dating back years.

Post # 18
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

professorplum :  

Got it. I do agree. I figured not having a bridal party would be better than causing drama, so I understand where you are coming from

Post # 19
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

PsychGIrl13 :  Congratulations on your upcoming proposal and soon to be fur baby! That’s so exciting!! I have a tricky situation with my upcoming wedding where a toxic family member will not even be invited, but this was decided mutually by FI and I after multiple genuine attempts for reconciliation. Have you ever had a one on one with your sister? Just to express how these behaviors have hurt you and how you’d like to work on having a better relationship? It wouldn’t hurt to ask her if she feels you hurt her in any way too. Start there.

I think before considering not allowing your only sister to be in your bridal party, which is sure to deepen the rift, you two should have an honest conversation and try to move forward. There’s going to be some time before your boyfriend proposes, and even more time before the actual wedding day. Work on repairing the relationship first; and then make your decision later. A lot can happen between now and then.

Post # 20
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee

You are in a spot where, if you have her in the BP she will cause petty annoyances, but if you don’t ask her she will bitch your ears off. So you are in for it either way. 

 

Post # 23
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She shouldn’t be involved. Since your mother always takes her side, then she can sit at home and deal with her brat that she raised. Not your problem or concern. Ppl who make it a habit to ruin shit don’t deserve invites, nor do their enablers. 

Post # 24
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It’s your wedding and your day.  As a sibling with a toxic sister as well I say “cut her off!”  Grow a backbone and stand up to your family and your sister.  Do not have your sister in your wedding because she will sabotage and/or destroy your wedding and your family will encourage you to rugsweep it because “you’re family.”  If you don’t do it now you will end up doing it eventually.  I’m speaking from experience here.  I am getting married next month and while I invited my toxic sister to the wedding she declined the invitation because she knows I am no longer tolerating her nasty behavior and attitude in my life and around my fiancee and children.  I am perfectly at peace with the status of our relationship.  While I love my sister I simply do not like her.  So be it.

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