(Closed) I don't want my step father at my wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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diamondaries :  im sorry but your mom crying seems like she is victimizing herself and thats just plain cruel!!!

stick with your original plan and dont invite him. no reason to. hell, why even invite her? this sounds mean, but she was not being a mom towards you (choosing him over you it seems). no.

Post # 32
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee

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diamondaries :  hugs. You have been through so much and deserve all of the happiness to come! Don’t let your attacker attend your wedding. Don’t invite your mom if you don’t want to. It would be rude to not invite your step dad because you hate his haircut or his sense of humor. But he attacked you when you were young and vulnerable. That is atrocious and you have every right to cut him out of your wedding… and your life honestly. 

Post # 33
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

NEITHER of them should be at your wedding!! 

Post # 34
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

 Your mum is still with a man who molested her child? Do not invite either of them. You DO NOT invite a man who molested you to your wedding and you DO NOT feel conflicted about it. I’m sure it’ll hurt your mum to not be invited but she made her choice to stand by the man who molested her child. Disgusting. You owe them nothing. 

Post # 35
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that no one ever did anything about it.

There is absolutely no need to invite your abuser to your wedding and, in all honesty, I wouldn’t be inviting your mother either – the fact she chose her husband over you (by not divorcing him and pressing charges when he admitted what he was doing) is absolutely disgusting and I don’t know how you can have any sort of relationship with her. The fact that she cries when you try to talk to her about it is completely manipulative and is her way of trying to paint herself as the victim – when the only victim in this mess is you.

If you still want to invite your mother, that’s entirely up to you. But make it clear that the invitation is for her alone and that your abuser will be escorted from the premises if he decides to turn up. What she does after that is completely on her.

Post # 36
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Oh my god. No. I’m sorry this happened. 

I don’t think you should invite your mom either, but if you’re not there yet do not invite the rapist. Security details can be very affordable. 

This shouldn’t even be an issue, but this is the one exception to inviting couples together. There is another thread where someone literally used this example as when you are “allowed” to only invite half a couple. 

Your mom is evil for, you know, letting her daughter’s rapist continue to live in the house, and for pretending to be the victim when he isn’t invited to said daughter’s wedding. Ignore any complaints she has about rape not being catered to at your event. 

If you and your husband plan on having kids you will likely have to cut off contact anyway, because you can’t leave the kids with him, and you can’t trust her not to leave them with him. 

Post # 37
Member
3599 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t invite your mom or your stepdad.

Post # 39
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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diamondaries :  Hey Bee, First you are not alone, you are worthy and this is not your fault!! You deserve to put your feelings first and that means cutting toxic people out of your life. This man and honestly your mother don’t deserve to be at one of the happiest days of your life- or in your life at all in my opinion. I just found out my sister was abused by my mom’s longterm boyfriend and my mom knew and did nothing, I’m sick about it and as of yesterday, she is no longer in my life. She doesn’t deserve the role of “mom” and I think even though it may hurt now, I guarantee you’ll be better and feel lighter without this negativity in your life.  I know it’s hard to put yourself first, but you deserve it-  we can do it bee!

Post # 41
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Your mother sounds like an ansolute piss weak excuse for a person and that man she is married to can go to hell, so let her cry when you tell her he isn’t coming. She should be crying over what he did to you instead.

I have cut toxic family out of my life and you know what, it is SO hard at first but then life goes on and you realise how freaking awesome it is to not have horrible people in your life that make you feel like shit. 4 years on and I barely ever think of them and life is so much better. Glad you are going to speak to someone about it. Good luck bee and you are 100000% in the right here and never EVER feel bad for this decision. 

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