Syzygy88: I get what you’re saying, but we’re interpreting the OP’s experiences very differently. For the first 5 or 6 pages of this post the OP said things to indicate that it was HER choice to leave her mother and stepfather, and that her stepfather never did anything specific to make her feel unwanted, he just didn’t bond with her like he did her half-brother.
I moved in with her after my mom had my half brohter. I felt that I didn’t fit in completely with her new family. My mom allowed it because my grandmother lived close to my father and I stayed with him at times.
<– This doesn’t sound like her mom abandoned her to start a new family to me. It sounds like the OP didn’t like living at home, and her mom agreed to let her live with her father because the OP was having a difficult time adjusting emotionally to the new situation.
It hurt when he and my mom married and she started a family with him, it hurt when she said that he was the man she had been waiting for her whole life. It was like she didn’t think much of what she had with my father. When I was 14 and they had their son, I decided to let them have their family.
<– Again, this sounds like the OP wasn’t abandoned. It sounds like she made the decision to move in with her father because she didn’t like that her mother remarried and had a second child. Which, at 10, is a totally reasonable feeling. But she’s not 10 anymore.
They always gave off the vibe…
I don’t think he ever realized it…
He wasn’t outright rude to me…
<– This doesn’t sound like the mother and stepfather did anything wrong here, it sounds like they didn’t even realize that the OP felt this way at the time. Granted, the OP does contradict this later in the thread.
It has been hard for me to move on from. Part of the reason, is because my parents didn’t stay married and my mom probably never loved my dad that much. It is hard to see her have family life with someone that isn’t my father.
<– This seems like the root of the issue. The OP hasn’t been able to move on from her parent’s divorce. This is one of the reason bees have been suggesting counseling.
I’m quoting all of this to explain that people aren’t seeing her as a poster who was abandoned by her family and now doesn’t want them involved in her special day. Instead she’s come across as someone who had a tough time dealing with her parent’s divorce and subsequent remarriage, and is holding this against her step father now 20-some years later (I’m assuming the OP is in her late 20’s).
People seem to all agree that the stepfather shouldn’t walk her down the aisle. However, it seems unreasonable that her mother shouldn’t be escorted to her seat by her husband of 20-odd years because the OP still doesn’t like him.