- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
mcal89: Ok I’m going to be blunt with you.
First let me say I am a child of a broken home too. My mom married my stepdad when I was 13 and I’m now 30.
YOU NEED THERAPY. Like asap. It’s completely unhealthy for you to still be holding so tightly to this kind of bitterness. Ya know the best thing about your childhood? it’s over!!! yep. It’s long gone and you are the one who’s in control of how long it stays with you. The thing about apologies is that you may never get one. Yep, that’s right. they may never think anything they did was wrong. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I can’t imagine that from 10-14 you were completely aware of the details behind why they acted as they did. You are basing all of your “facts” on vibes, feelings, and things that you may have entirely made up on your own. But maybe you didn’t. the point is, it happened. and for your own good, you need to learn to forgive them. apology or not.
Your mom is being overly pushy. So no, he doesn’t have to walk you down the aisle. But you are also being overly stubborn. And you are sounding more and more dramatic with every response. If no one ever told you you were baggage, or anything like that, than your percieved hurt may just be that. Even if it isn’t, you need to get some major therapy to help you to not hold onto those feelings.
As far as your mother not thinking her marriage to your dad was special…. my mother has been open about the fact that the special part of her relationship with my father was me and my sister. Beyond that, there wasn’t much good. She was young, he wasn’t the greatest partner or dad and that’s that. It doesn’t hurt me to know that the relationship I was created by wasn’t a good one, because guess what? THAT’S NOT MY FAULT. it has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the fact that they were not right for each other. And they didn’t make each other happy. Why on earth would she look fondly on that relationship other than to know she got me an dmy sister out of it? stop taking that personally. You’re mom is allowed to be happy after the end of her first marriage. Many bees who have been married before (myself included) will tell you that their ex is not and was not th etrue love of their life. How that offends you, Idk. You seem to have your father on a pedestal even though you lived with your grandparents. so it seems to me he put his career before being a father, so yes he was able to financially support you, but let me tell you, money only goes so far. so he and your mother both played a part in you being neglected. NO matter how you twist it, these issues need to be dealt with or you will live a very miserable life letting this kind of bitterness rot away inside you.
Trust me on this, I know because I spent a good portion of my life being just as angry, bratty, and resentful as you sound. Maybe my guesses are not all dead on with reasons your mom or dad had for their actions, but one thing I would bet my life on is that, neither are yours because you were a kid. I also would bet my life that if you did address these problems as your own instead of theirs, you would get much further, therapy can help you do that.
In response to your original questions though? let her husband walk her down the aisle as a compromise. Focus on your new husband and doing a better job than your parents did at this whole marriage thing and figure out how to move forward and be happy.