(Closed) I don’t want to accept this gift… what should I do?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you should talk to your mom about this and seek her opinion.  I don’t really know what other advice to give you.

Post # 4
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m sorry you have to deal with this! If this lady isn’t returning your mom’s calls or attempts for friendship, I wouldn’t try to contact her to return the gift. Instead, I would just return it yourself (if your registry allows it) and get something else, or you could use the store credit to get a gift for someone else. I would also feel uncomfortable thinking of her every time I used it. You could always write on the Thank You something like “Thanks for thinking of us on our special day. I hope everything in your life is going well and I wish your family the best!”. It’s somewhat generic but still polite. I would also tell your mom that you will be returning the gift, if she gets upset.

Post # 5
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with princesslea’s feedback.  A gift should be something you feel excited about/special about/honored to receive, etc, not something you look at and have so many negative associations with.  In regards to the sender, I don’t think much more has to be said beyond the simple message that was provided.  Short and sweet is always a good way to go.  Short and sweet and neutral!  🙂

If you feel unsure about that, depending on how close you are to your mom, it may be good to speak with her honestly and directly as well, saying something like, mom, I know the relationship has become strained, I feel uncomfortable taking this because of the way you were treated, would you feel more comfortable, (or some other word) if I returned it?  I may be wrong, but it seems like the real reason you don’t want the gift is because you don’t want your mom to be hurt or upset.  (I know you also said that you’d use it and think of your mom being hurt, though it seems to go back to your concern about your mom and her feelings).  So, it may be good to find out exactly how your mom does feel.  That way, if you want to keep the item because you guys liked it, you could do so without guilt if your mom were to say she’s okay with it.  Or, if you knew your mom wasn’t, it would be even more of a reason to seek out a way to return it.

I hope you’re able to figure out a situation that works well for you!  You certainly don’t need extra stress!  🙂

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