(Closed) I don't want to accuse my FIL of lying….

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tnbellebee:  I think you have to leave this one up to your Darling Husband to handle as to not cause conflict with your Father-In-Law.

Post # 4
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Stay out of it and leave it up to your Darling Husband to decide what to do. Someone who’s faking a lingering recovery will be pretty obvious, and you Darling Husband will notice that he’s been doing all the chores for longer than he needs to.

It’s also possible that your Father-In-Law thinks it will be a longer recovery than his doctor told him it would be, and is planning for that.

Take it as it comes, and see.

 

Post # 5
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Is your Father-In-Law elderly or have another condition? Recovery times vary greatly from person to person, especially if one person is in their 20s, already active, etc. and the other is older and lives a sedantary lifestyle. Your Father-In-Law may have been told a much longer recovery time on purpose so that he takes it easier. Either way I would express your concern with your Darling Husband and let him decide what he thinks is best.

Just as an example I know a few women who have had ablations done and some were up and moving again in 48 hours and others took a full week of recovery. Everyone is a little different!

Post # 6
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@tnbellebee:  What’s the procedure? It might vary a lot among different individuals…. You could be right, but there could also be a less insidious explanation

Post # 8
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@tnbellebee:  I don’t think I would say anything to your husband. If he’s feeling worried or protective of his father, this could spin out of control and make you look like the bad guy pretty quickly (though I don’t think you are). Let him use his own best judgment and if I was you, I would just do my best to be supportive. 

ETA: I think the bottom line is that there’s no way you could look like the bad guy if he turns out to be overexaggerating and you stay mum. But if you said something and Darling Husband disagrees, lots of tension…

Post # 9
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Maybe he exaggerated on purpose so that it gave him some “cushion time”?  My mother just had surgery and doc said 2 weeks before she’s back to normal, but she asked me to stay for a month in case of complications afterwards that require more follow-up visits or care.  My advice would be to let it go and see how it goes – if he’s clearly doing better, and your Darling Husband feels the same, let him bring it up.

Post # 10
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The things he is asking  for help with sound pretty normal to me: lawn mowing and grocery shopping? My Darling Husband does much more for his parents or anyone who asks for his help, and he is a surgeon…Basically has close to no time for himself. Im lucky enough to have an extremely generous husband and would never imagine telling him to stop doing these things, and specially concerning his own parents. I think they have done much much more for him,  to make him the man he is today and i’m extremely grateful for them bringing up such a man. 

Honestly, I think you should say nothing at all, specially if it’s only for a few weeks. 

Post # 11
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just reread yourpost and noticed it was 1week recovery to 3 MONTHS. I thought he was saying 3 weeks. if you tell me what the procedure is I can ask my Darling Husband about the edtimated recovery time 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds like something that might have to do with his heart? If so, doctors usually don’t mess around with that kind of stuff. My neighbor had a pacemaker put in, and they wouldn’t let him mow his lawn for 2-3 months. And he was extremely active prior to that. So it all depends on the person and how they handle the surgery. 

I say to let your Darling Husband determine how much help they actually need when he goes there. Though his dad might be exaggerating, it might be what his doctor recommended.

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Ah…ok that’s good!

The topic ‘I don't want to accuse my FIL of lying….’ is closed to new replies.

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