I dont want to be taller then my husband

posted 1 year ago in Beehive
Post # 16
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

You’ll be good with 3″ heels but for comfort that lasts all day, flats are better! 

Post # 17
633 posts
Busy bee

Can someone explain to me why being taller than your husband is a no-no? I’m not being sarcastic, I honestly want to know.

Dress shoes for men often add a couple of inches, so keep that in mind. You should be good with three inch heels. Otherwise……barefoot hippie wedding?

Post # 18
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I wore bridal sandals, granted we got married in summer and did pictures in the sand so it was the most logical, but it still looked great, I didn’t want to be in heels that long, but if you’re dead set on a heel I would saying 3 inches is the tallest you’d want to go, they have plenty options for a 3 inch heel as well! 

Good Luck!

Post # 19
2156 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
kittycatcat :  a man’s height isn’t something I actively considered when picking partners and like you I’m 5’ 4” so I’m shorter than most men. However, I do have a type and I’m mostly attracted to men over 6’. It isn’t just the height I find attractive, it’s more the body type that seems to come with being 6’ or over.

My friend is quite tall, probably about 5’ 10” and she has a thing about her partners being taller than her. She wears flats mostly because she’s conscious of her height and she struggles to walk in heels. I do wonder if she struggles to walk in them because she’s conditioned herself to walking in flats though. She once jokingly made a comment about short women taking all the tall blokes but I could tell that touched a nerve for her. Weirdly, her two long term partners that I’ve known have had a similar build to each other and she seems to go for those about 5’ 10” – 5’ 11” but she feels like she should be with someone taller. There have been taller men falling over themselves to be with her and she hasn’t taken them up on the offer so I’m not even sure she realises her type is probably the same height as her.

Post # 20
2722 posts
Sugar bee

crustyoldbee :   kittycatcat :  

OP’s question seems a little odd to me since 6 – 2 = 4 seems like easy math, and of course it comes down to personal preference what height of shoe she feels comfortable in. 

But I’m surprised at the surprise at a preference for height being a thing. There are tons of studies that show that taller men are overwhelmingly perceived as more attractive, are much more likely to have their messages replied to or be contacted on dating sites, even get more promotions at work and have more biological children. There is an evolutionary preference among women overall for a tall mate, and height is also correlated with perceived traits like dominance and strength which probably account for their professional advantages.

Anecdotally, most women I know admit to preferring tall guys, myself included. Even among women who claim not to care about dating someone “tall”, I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard say, “I don’t care about height, just as long as he’s taller than me.” 

Conversely, there’s like an entire brand of comedy devoted to short guys bemoaning the fact that no one will date them (e.g. George Costanza). There are painful and dangerous leg-lengthening procedures some men even go to to try to make themselves taller. It’s great that so many of you have never even thought about this, but I’m genuinely surprised you’re entirely unaware of this as a widespread, crosscultural phenomenon. 

Post # 21
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK


View original reply
browneyedgirl24 :  Thank you for that reply, it explained a few things! While I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of tall being more attractive, I can understand some of that reasoning. My dad was 5’7 and my stepdad is 5’6, so I guess my childhood role models were fairly short! I also go for the complete opposite of the strong alpha male type, so maybe that’s something to do with it. Pure speculation, of course, I’m really just thinking aloud!

I guess we all have our personal preferences.

Post # 22
633 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
browneyedgirl24 :  I absolutely get that it’s a thing, and I even get why it’s a thing, psychologically and evolutionarily. I was talking more about the social stigma of being shorter than your wife, which I hope we can agree is misplaced (shorter men are not actually less successful/less verile/less trustworthy by default). OP is in fact shorter than her husband in real life, but I have a feeling this is more about how the pictures will turn out or how others will see them rather than her being afraid that she won’t find him as attractive on their wedding day. I’m assuming she’s plenty attracted to him already!

My fiance is three inches taller than me (standing—sitting down I’m much taller), and I do get the whole “I want to feel small and safe next to you” thing. But I do think it’s healthy to question these impulses from time to time. 


Post # 23
2223 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
browneyedgirl24 :  similarly, I am equally surprised by the seemingly overwhelming, collective shock that seems to have overcome the posters to this thread at the mention of a height difference…if anything, I’m shocked to see so many people here say they don’t care about a man’s height. it seems rather common that women prefer a man to be taller. respectively, just common observation of people in heterosexual relationships demonstrates that men are taller than women in most relationships.

IMO, I think this observation has led to a societal belief that men should be taller than women, thus making women insecure about being taller—even just for a moment. whether this fear is founded or not, I can certainly see why someone may feel this way. 

Post # 24
7140 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I wore flats.  They were comfy and awesome.  Also, bright orange 😉 

Post # 25
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think the ‘he has to be taller’ thing is like the ‘he has to be a bit older’ thing. All part of masculinist need ( and our compliance wth that need) to be more comanding. I can see there may well have been some biological imperative for the height thing .

View original reply
Abcakez :  

Post # 26
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Maybe wear low heels for photos and have some comfy flats to change into? I agree with other posters that flats are so great (especially by the end of the night). I didn’t wear heels for my photos and felt self-conscious about it at first, but then again I’m 5″4 and my husband is 5″10 so the difference is more noticeable. Honestly, I’m probably the only one who would pick that up when looking at photos. I had the best time on our wedding day and so have no regrets now! Enjoy your day laughing

Post # 27
8034 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Personally I’m glad to see so many women not giving a shit about a mans height. I’d hate to read a thread on only dating/marrying women with DDs, and technically that’s even easier to achieve surgically than making yourself taller 🙄

Post # 28
7481 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Something I had not considered before is your hair. If your hair is up and if you have volume on top, that can create the illusion of height, too, so if you want to look shorter than your Dh in photos, you might want to go lower on the shoes. But as others have mentioned, it may be a big relief to wear flats for your wedding, as a wedding can make for a very long day! But as I said before, you still have plenty of wiggle room.

And I don’t find it shocking that she would like to appear shorter than her Dh in photos. She obviously loves the man, regardless of height, but most women prefer being shorter than their Dh or SO (not all, of course, but probably a majority).

Post # 29
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I believe maths holds all the answers here. 

But don’t forget comfort! 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors