(Closed) I don’t want to be THAT guest but she didn’t invite FI!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@chasesgirl: Is there a way to drop into conversation that you’re looking forward to her wedding but not so excited about making the trip by yourself?  Of course, if it was me, and it was a good friend, I would probably say something like “so what’s up with the no invite for ____?” 

Post # 4
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Unless you know the girl really well, I’d be hesitant about asking her.  Does she know you are engaged?  If not, maybe it was an oversight.  But if she knows you are and didn’t invite your Fiance…that’s a different story.  If it were me, I’d just decline the invitation.   I’d not make a fuss about why, I’d just decline.  If she asked me why, however, I’d tell her.

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

does the response card say anything about the # of people invited?  (but that would be too easy)

how close are you with her?  if close, then i would just ask, but just be prepared for it to be a super touchy subject

do you know anyone else who is going?  were they given guests/dates/+1s?  that might be a good indicator of how she’s giving guests

Post # 7
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Maybe just mention it like you’re confused about if he’s invited or not– try to put the blame on yourself and maybe she won’t feel awkward. I don’t know– tough situation. You could say something like, “Hey– I don’t mean to be an idiot or anything (laugh) but your invitation wording confused me. Is FH invited or…?”

But then if he’s not invited and you choose not to attend, the reason for your absence will be obvious.

Post # 8
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally I don’t really think there’s any way to do it tactfully. She didn’t invite your Fiance for a reason (space, cost, etc.), so unfortunately my advice if you’re not willing to go alone would be to rsvp no. If you’re good friends with the girl she’ll probably ask you why you said no. You can explain then.

Post # 10
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

agree with MrsMcGyro.

plus ones are SO hard. Sometimes you just have to allow the bride to do it the way she needs to.

Post # 11
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would ask her but I’d say something like “Don’t feel obligated to invite them at all but I just wanted to double-check that the invitation did not include my fiance”.

I had this happen to me and I had legitimately screwed up the invite. I was glad my friend asked for clarification rather than just rsvp no.

Post # 12
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@chasesgirl: I would just call her up and ask nicely. You could say that you were just wondering for the same reasons you have said here. Say something like, “I know that my invitation didn’t have a plus one indicated, so i just wanted to clarify if you had room for my fiance because it’s a bit of a long drive by myself.” It might have just been an oversight. I do think that your Fiance should have been invited considering you’re getting married. If she says no I’m sorry there is no room for plus ones than politely decline and be done with it. She shouldn’t expect you to travel alone. That is not courteous and it sure isn’t safe for a women to travel to another city alone, especially if you’ll be leaving the reception at night.

Post # 13
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’ t think this as big of a deal as some Bee’s make it out to be. It is probably an oversight.  Just ask her. I agree with JenniMichele, just say you weren’t quite sure and that you didn’t want to step on any toes by just bringing him.

Post # 14
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@west.coast.blonde: Seriously?

This isn’t 1905. She’s not going to be kidnapped if she goes to a wedding by herself.

Post # 15
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’f it were me… I’d just ask… and if she said no I’d say okay I can’t come either… but then again that’s just me (I don’t go anywhere without my FI)

Post # 16
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you should just ask her – it’s rude for her not to invite your fiance. How would she feel if you invited only her (and not her husband) to your wedding? Fiances and spouses are in the same category – you can’t split a couple.

Personally, I’d just call her up and tell her how nice it was to get the invite but that you won’t be able to attend since you don’t want to drive alone. That would give her a chance to correct the mistake (if it was an oversight) or extend an invitation (if it was intentional).

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