(Closed) I don't want to be vindictive.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I don’t think it matters whether you invite them or not, I highly doubt they would accept. X has the arm on Y and she will say no. She has a lot of balls telling you she didn’t want you at her wedding, imagine what she puts on Y. 

Why invite them really, they aren’t close to you. It is perfectly ok to invite just the parents and  not them.

Post # 18
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I come from a large, extended family where people live in multigenerational households.  You cannot invite just  the parents and not X and Y.  That is just rude.  Invite the whole family and if they choose to attend or not then that is their choice. These are family members and not just roommates.  If you don’t invite them then some people will wonder why and it create needless drama.  I also agree with pps that your friendship will eventually end with Y’s family.

Post # 19
Member
13768 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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delphinia :  OP absolutely can invite Y’s parents without inviting X and Y. There is nothing rude or inappropriate about it. 

Nobody should be too surprised that X and Y were not also invited since the relationship has disintegrated. There are lots  of good reasons not to include either one on her guest list. The parents may or may not attend at that point, which is their prerogative. 

If OP really feels awkward about it,  she doesn’t have to invite any of them. 

Post # 20
Member
4987 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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imlucky :   read your update and I’m glad you were able to find a solution you are happy with in regards to the algebra problem! 😉

What stood out to me in your OP was that you have mutual friends who run to you and I’m sure her and play the ‘he said, she said’ game. You need to put a stop to that quick smart because all that does is add unnecessary fuel to an already blazing fire. When your friends say something about her and what shes blabbing about, just say I don’t want to hear about it anymore. I’m certain they are being double agents and relaying what you are saying about her, to her. 

If I heard someone saying not so nice things about a friend. I would put a stop to it right there and I would never relay the  hurtful words back to said friend. That is just mean and unnecessary. These duplicitous mutual friends sound like they are not as close and as loyal as you think. I would honestly reconsider how close they are to you….

Post # 21
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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weddingmaven :  To not invite them is unacceptable in my social circle. The fact that the rest of the family was invited and they were not will generate speculation and affirm any negative  opinions that X has voiced about OP. Invite them and let them decline or if they attend accept their congratulations. Frankly I paid more attention to my husband during the wedding day than worrying about what each guest may or may not have thought of me. OP don’t give X power over you by worrying about her jealous rant. Just get on with your wedding planning. 

Post # 22
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I’m also getting the same vibe as another poster.  Why include that he was valedictorian and you were salutatorian?  If you had omitted that information I don’t think anyone would have asked for GPAs for clarification.

Post # 23
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I know some people are saying it would be rude to not invite them, but they invited your family and not you. Anyways, they are separate family units if they live together. I can see how it might start drama but she did it to you first. 

Post # 25
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

You didn’t say that in the original post.  You said in the OP that it fells apart because she took advantage of you.  It wasn’t until the GPA got questioned that all of a sudden the friendship ended because your GPA is better than hers.  It just DOES come across how awesome your life is and together and going places and how not their life is, and if it comes across that way in a bulletin board it probably comes across that way in real life.

Post # 28
Member
13768 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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delphinia :  I’m curious what social or cultural circle has this expectation. Individual resentments aside, etiquette-wise it has never been necessary to invite all adult family members who happen to live under the same roof.

If Y’s parents and yours are friends, they can be invited as friends of the parents. OP and her Fiance are no longer close to the children of this couple, so they need not include them on their own list. 

A guest list can also be decided by age, for example all children over 18. Can people have hard feelings about close relatives being excluded? People  can get upset about all kind of things and sometimes that’s worth considering. But in this case who really cares? If the parents are close, I assume they know the adult children no longer are. 

Post # 29
Member
13768 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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imlucky :  Wait, I thought you said that the main reason X was resentful  is that Y was at one time infatuated and “in love” with you?  She’s also stolen money from you and kept it for herself. She’s said private and hurtful  things about you on social media.  She told you you were not welcome at her wedding. 

I don’t know anyone who would invite this couple under any or all of those circumstances. 

It seems to me that you are mainly forcing this issue because you always liked Y and he always liked, excuse me lusted after, you. I’m not so sure that is a good reason. In fact, it’s probably a bad one. 

X obviously feels threatened by you and wants distance. I’d give it to her. The ball is in her court to make amends for her past behavior. I doubt she will. 

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