(Closed) I don't want to, but I think I should have a baby.

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 46
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’ve known since my own childhood that I didn’t want children.  And I never changed my mind.  Now my child bearing years are over & I am so grateful that I stuck to my decision.  It was right for me.

Never did it occur to me that I was being selfish or that other people would judge me for doing the responsible thing & not bringing unwanted children into the world.

Post # 47
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

View original reply

You have NOTHING to be ashamed about. That is our baby-obsessed society trying to guilt you, and wrongfully so.

NO ONE is less of a woman just because they made a choice not to have children.

You should NEVER have children because you  feel pressure to do so – not from your parents, your Fiance, no one.

Just because you do not have children does NOT make you any less of a family. Your Fiance and his inlaws will become your new family, it does not make it any less significant because there are no children.

No, it is NOT guaranteed that you will love your baby no matter what. It would be ideal, and it may have been the case for those women but this does not mean it would apply to you or anyone else in a similar position. A quick look on the internet will show you hundreds of women who have ‘come out’ and regretted parenthood. You are unlikely to hear this from people you know because it is still such a taboo to not want children.

Your concerns relating to pregnancy and your body are completely valid. Do not let anyone else and their experience undermine that.

However, to provide a balanced argument, I will also say that:

You can still write a book, start a non profit, and start a home business whilst being a parent. It is not impossible and it has been done before.

If the main reason for not having children is related to your body and childbirth, then these issues can be overcome with professional help.

Overall, I really really urge you not to succumb to pressure for children if that is something you are not 110% adament to have them. Your mum may want children, but at the end of the day it will be you who has to look after them for all of their lives – through good bad and ugly. Do not let her desire for a few kisses and cuddles with her grandkids influence you to make an irreversible decision.



Post # 48
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I currently have a 6 week old… Do NOT have a child unless you completely 100% want one. This is by far the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. I question my decision to have a child daily…and I wanted this. 

Post # 49
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
secretbumblebee:  My husband and I are 28 and 29. Neither one of us have any desire to be parents. I get asked all the time, “When are you having kids?!” I simply say, “I don’t like children. I find them to be repulsive, actually. Trust me, you do not want me to be a mother.” Or I simply ask them how often they are having sex in their marriage because clearly invasive questions about people’s personal lives aren’t off limits. That typically shuts them up. 

Post # 50
1561 posts
Bumble bee

Think hard about it – I’m 44 and haven’t had children and it’s the SINGLE BIGGEST REGRET of my life.  In retrospect, I should have slept around and just found a sperm donor because now, even though I’m not in menopause, the chances of ever having a baby are pretty much non-existant.  And, I’ll regret it until the moment I die.

Post # 51
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
secretbumblebee:  I think that maybe you should consider not having kids for now.  You are still young and have a couple of years to do all the things you want.  For now just worry about your wedding and all the other things you have going on in your life.  Once things have settled give this another thought.  If you still feel the same then don’t get pregnant.  Having kids is a big responsibility.  Who knows, maybe a couple of years down the line you want to have children,  there is always adoption.   Good luck!

Post # 53
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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BeeutifulBee:  I have to politely disagree. You do enjoy more of things you want now but after having a child you enjoy things that come with having them. It’s a totally different life than your pre baby life, but a fulfilling life filled with love IMO.

OP, do not have a child unless you are 100% committed and want that child. I agree with PPs that you have time to decide and just wait and see if you ever feel like you hit that point. If not, it’s your life and you need to be the one who is happy with it!

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