(Closed) I don’t want to change my name (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

Don’t stress about things right now. You have plenty of time to make a decision, and you can even wait until after you’re married to change your name (if you ultimately decide that what you want to do). I will say, though, that if the thought of changing your name makes you sick, then you definitely shouldn’t pursue that option right now. Give yourself time to warm up to the idea, but it’s perfectly OK to keep your last name as is. Darling Husband and I originally both planned to hyphenate our names, but after we got married, neither of us felt comfortable with idea of actually changing our names. And so we didn’t! Give yourself time, and go with what’s most comfortable for you. At the end of the day, it’s your name and you have to live with it, so you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with. 

Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Why don’t you have a serious discussion about you keeping your name or both of you switching to your maiden name? There is no rule that says you have to take his name. If you feel so strongly that you felt like you were going to puke, you should probably tell him you don’t want to change it.

Post # 5
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There is a woman in my book club who got married recently and her and her husband decided to both change their last name to something totally different that wasn’t from either family. I didn’t even realize you could do that, but I guess you can change your name to whatever you want! I don’t know if that would be something you’d consider (she said her mother in-law was very upset that their children won’t be carrying on the family name), but it sounds like since he isn’t close to family and doesn’t like his name, you could think about that as an option? And actually, my sister’s husband DID take her maiden name because she didn’t want to change her name to his either!

Post # 6
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t understand why you’re so upset? You must be emotionally attached to the name if the thought of changing it makes you sick…Your Fiance is willing to change his name to your maiden name which seems like a fair compromise.

I understand being attached to your name though…I am with mine too. My Fiance has suggested him taking my last name as well, which I thought was very sweet. We aren’t sure what we are going to do yet…but I am not physically upset over it.

I think that you need to put your finger on why exactly you are so upset about it…also, maybe you SHOULD write it out a couple of times to see what it looks/feels like. That way you can make more of an informed decision.

Post # 8
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve only been engaged for a month and we still have a lot of time before we get married, too, but your post got me thinking about having to write my new name and it is really hard! I just tried to do it a few times and his last name is so much harder to write than my name! I know I’ll take his last name, but it made me a little sad to think about and I know it’ll take me time to get used to it. So I think I kind of get where you are coming from!

Post # 9
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not changing my name either — more power to you! It sounds like you have a lot of good reasons for wanting to keep your name. I think that keeping your name and your identity is very important, and in a way, it kind of honors the memory of your first husband. Even though you’re remarrying, your first marriage is a part of your personal history, and it deserves to be recognized.

Post # 10
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not changing my name and to be honest, I’m slightly shocked how all of my peers so easily give up the name that they were born with when it’s no longer the expectation of society.  I suppose some people are caught up in the romance of it, which I understand, but as someone who will be graduating with a medical degree, I can’t fathom being called Dr. HisLastName.  

I think any fiance who gets upset about a woman’s choice to keep her last name needs an attitude readjustment.  

Post # 11
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Fiance and I have been toying with the idea of coming up with our own last name. I to didn’t want to have a different last name then my kids and yet didn’t like his. I struggle with the idea of giving up mine but have an easier time with the idea if it can be for a name we choose together. I am currently stuck on Wigglesworth but Fiance isn’t sold even though it was his suggestion lol. Says it isnt the best pick given his career. I think that name is adorable.

Take your time. A name is sort of a forever thing 🙂

Post # 12
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@MerryWidow: Take your time and do what feels best to you.  My fiance and I were going to do a new joint last name, until he realized just how time consuming and expensive it is to change every legal document with your name on it.  He asked me, “Why do women do this?”, and we are both keeping our names.  Part of me thinks a completely new name would have been neat, because I would have changed my first and middle as well and started over.  What I have a hard time with in my case is same first and middle, but a new last.  That just doesn’t work for me.

@fembride045: What should shock you is that 50% of people say women should be required by law to change their name – http://abcnews.go.com/Health/survey-half-americans-require-brides-grooms/story?id=14883869#.TxSv1Ji6T8s 

I can understand wanting to change your name, keep your name, hyphenate your name, or take a totally new name for the two of you, but I don’t understand wanting to force someone else to do the same.

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Jinxstar: You’re right.  I am absolutely shocked by that.  Honestly, I always assumed growing up that you just did take your groom’s name, no questions asked.  It wasn’t until I got engaged myself and we actually set a wedding date that I realized how strongly I felt about keeping my name.  And luckily for me, my fiance is supportive and never expected me to take his name in the first place.

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m with you on keeping your name.

I still get a bit queasy when I see my name written down as First HisLastName.  Not a fan, no particular reason.  I’ve been adament about keeping my name since I was a teenager for some reason.  I personally don’t understand how some people find it very easy to change their last names, but I understand that for the it is easy and for me, it just isn’t!

 

Post # 16
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wasn’t a fan of takin FI’s last name. Unfortunately for him he shares his full name with an infamous serial killer Undecided so I am to be Mrs serial killer but I quickly came to terms with it when my friends got me all excited about becoming Mrs hislastname I know answer the serial killer jokes with. “well thats why our house doesn’t have a patio” lol

 

OP I understand your reluctance Its not like you got divorced you lost your husband and he obviously meant a lot to you. Loving your new Fiance doesn’t mean you will not have any feelings for your husband that passed. I would imagine losing that name will feel like losing the part of him you have left

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