(Closed) I don't want to do this anymore *vent*

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If it helps, let me share that my FI’s parents (actually, all but one person in his family) isn’t talking to us right now because of a choice we’re making about our marriage.  And the sad part is, it’s almost an improvement when it comes to wedding planning, because now our choices (all assumed to be MY choices) aren’t constantly being belittled, criticized and shot down just for sport.  

This brings out the worst in people.  If it’s worth it to you (it’s worth it to my Fiance, so it’s worth it to me) just remember that, and that this time will pass.  It’s not always going to be like this, so try not to make permanent solutions to temporary problems.  Eloping is wonderful if that’s what you really want, but if you really wanted a wedding and you cancel because others are being jerks, you’re probably going to carry that around forever.  

By The Way…we’re not having a traditional shower at all, and barely anyone has cared (except for aforementioned critical in-laws).  So honestly I doubt anyone will notice your shower invites being “late”…as long as they come before the wedding πŸ˜‰  Hang in there.

 

Post # 5
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Okay first…. take a walk, eat some chocolate, take a bath or drink a glass of wine to calm yourself down…

I just went and read some of your posts and you are going through A LOT right now….. breathe!

Wedding planning SUCKS. I am sure there are some brides who do it all with grace and style and ease but most of us are not them. It is stressful, it is overwhelming and unless you are a professional party planner, a lot of it is new. Give yourself a break.

Remember that things will go wrong, that is a given. First of all no one will care or notice them as much as you do…. people obviously just are not as invested in your wedding as you are. Second….. trust me, my wedding was over a year ago, and I look back like every  other bride and think… why did I try to make 150 cloth roses, why did I have sleepless nights because I was worried the DJ would play Party in the USA, what was even served at the rehearsal dinner, honestly can’t remember.

About your Maid/Matron of Honor… mine was my best friend and she SUCKED. She did not a signle thing and I do mean nothing. No shower… nada. She was cross country and broke etc. The day of my wedding she had personal issues (granted they were huge) that took the focus off of my because my other girls were worried about her. My SIL ended up doing everything for me that day…. Oh well! I still LOVE her to death, and her friendship was worth looking the other way.

Weh you calm down… evaluate your friendship with her… NOT when you are upset. If it is worth it, then LET IT GO. If as you say, you think she may be sabbotaging (sp) your wedding or you are in different places in life, then let the friendship go!

 

Post # 6
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You shouldn’t hate your wedding!

Figure out whatever you don’t like about it, and change it!

We didn’t like the huge guest list. So we cut it down to 40 people, and decided to have a luncheon followed by clubbing that night!

I went from being apathetic about it to being SO EXCITED about the wedding!

Post # 7
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

relax calm down and if all else fails drink a glass of wine 

 

Post # 8
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We’re getting married in July and have not planned one.single.thing besides Catholic marriage preparation and the church. We’ll be finished with all of it besides planning the ceremony tomorrow! Yay!

I started to do some planning, but I became very upset because we just cannot afford to have the kind of (very modest) party and honeymoon we’d like to celebrate our wedding. And we have ten billion things going on at the moment. So, if we plan a party, it will likely be last minute. We’ll likely go away somewhere within driving distance for a few days.

Once I got over the idea of doing it everybody else’s way and took the unnecessary stuff off the table, I became much less stressed and happy πŸ˜‰ And you know what? It will be awesome and so will yours, no matter what you decide. Do what is right for you, step back and get a little perspective.

Why not do an Evite for the shower? That takes two minutes.

Post # 9
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Weetzie:  Since you are this close to a wedding I probably will not say “screw it, stop the wedding machine.”

But seriously, beginning today, you can step back and do only the minimum.  Everything that you do is a choice. Remember that.

If you have the basics done such as groom, dress, officiant, that’s done. The after-party is whatever you choose to do and that is entirely optional. Nothing is obligatory, no one says that you’ve got to touch and reveiw every decision.

If you have paid for a venue and caterer, let it go. Let the pros take care of stuff. Just show up dressed for the party.

You know it really CAN be that simple. And showers and the like? Lots of trouble, let it go. No one needs the craploads of stuff that come at these things.

Post # 10
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I completely understand how you feel!! I got soo stressed during my planning and cried a lot towards the end! Everyone kelp making changes and demands and not doing what they said they’d do etc! It was so stressful. If it’s any help I had an amazing day in the end!! πŸ™‚ It was just a rough stage of planning and I hated it too. People are so weird around weddings. I also had bridesmaid/hen do issues and was let down badly and planned a lot of it myself in the end so I know how much it hurts.

Try to focus on the fact you’ll be married soon and it will be over πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Weetzie:  I skimmed your otehr posts. Your Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t “order” invitations in time? I think you have pretty high expectations. And while that’s fine and you can want what you want, I wonder why invitations from the grocery store or Walgreens are not acceptable. This just sounds ‘zilla, sorry.

Post # 12
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I freaked out like this on Friday, I believe it was when my invitations were sent out with the wrong postage on it. 

 

The best advice I got was laugh laugh and laugh … wedding mess ups happen and you will be laughing about them in the future. So calm down, have a glass of wine and the laugh. After this, youll see it really isnt that serious and there are many other ways to give people a heads up.

Post # 14
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Weetzie:  I repeat: You can want what you want. That doesn’t make you a bad person.

Nor does that make the others who DON’T want what you want bad people.

I would bet that if you print off all of the threads you’ve started, put them away for ten years, and re-read them then, you would wonder: WTF did I care about that stuff for?

I do think that one major lesson from the WB site for rational people is that being appointed Maid/Matron of Honor comes with a potential minefield of expectations. It’s probably wiser in the long run to decline the role.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Weetzie:  ok, you are right, I apologize.

And I can see that the deal with your Maid/Matron of Honor is that she agreed to do something and then didn’t do it. That IS maddening on any level for anything.

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