Post # 1
Ok Weddingbee members, I need your help!
I am recently engaged and beginning the wedding planning process. I guess I was pretty clueless about a lot of the traditional aspects of wedding before I got engaged because my fiance and I had pretty much decided that we both wanted to get married in his hometown. It makes a lot of sense, really, because that’s where I went to college, where my fiance and I met, and where we will be living after we get married.
Also, my fiance is VERY attached to the place he grew up. I pretty much get my way all the time in our relationship, but this is the ONE thing he has requested for our wedding. He says it won’t feel like he’s a part of the wedding if he doesn’t get married in the place to which he is so emotionally attached.
The problem is my parents. They are taking it very personal that I do not want to get married in my hometown. They think I’m not grateful for the place they chose to raise me. Don’t get me wrong, They will also be paying for most of the wedding. I do understand where they are coming from, but I don’t want my wedding to be all about me, I want it to be a joint partnership between my fiance and me and I think the only way to accomplish that would be to get married somewhere that means something to both my fiance and me. I know it is “breaking tradition,” but I want them to see this is what will make me so happy. I cannot come to terms with the idea that just because they have offered to pay for my wedding, both my fiance and I should be forced into something neither of us wants.
Has anyone out there got marrried in their fiance’s hometown? What was your experience? I need your advice!
Post # 3
I think that if your parents are paying, then they get a very significant say in where it’s held. If you want to get married elsewhere, I think you and your fiance should foot the bill, rather than having them pay. That’s just my two cents on that aspect of it. I know many will disagree. But when someone else pays for your event, then their wishes *do* matter.
Aside from that, I don’t think you’re out of line to want to marry somewhere besides your hometown. We had a courthouse wedding after cancelling ours (daughter needed immediate surgery) but the planned event was in neither of our hometowns, simply where we lived at the time. I think the whole “marrying in the bride’s hometown” is one of those traditions that has slowly become less and less the norm. If it means so much to your fiance, I think you’re right to want to give that to him, especially if you aren’t as emotionally tied to your hometown.
Are they far apart? Is it going to be difficult for your family to get to his town?
Post # 4
@bridetobe_allison: I got married in my husbands adopted hometown. At first, my parents were pretty shocked ( I’m also from BR!), but they eventually got over it and since they were not footing all of the bill, there wasnt much to say. As adults , learning how to stick to your guns and also conceding when necessary Is a tough balance to strike. It sounds like location IS important to you, so maybe you can incorporate some family traditions or traditions specific to Louisiana in your wedding to honor your roots and show them you do care and appreciate where you came from.
Post # 5
@bridetobe_allison: I have to agree with @stuckinwonderland: … If they’re footing the bill, unfortunately their opinions will hold a significant amount of weight. If you really want to get married in your fiance’s hometown, the two of you may have to pay for the wedding. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but unfortunately a lot of the time when parents are paying for a wedding, what they say goes. And really, it’s their money … They can choose to spend it (or not spend it) however they see fit.
That being said, my fiance and I are getting married in his hometown. It just kind of worked out that way, though. We live here together (I moved here almost 4 years ago after being in a long distance relationship with him for a little over 2 years.) We wanted to have the wedding here because it was just easier for us to plan in the area where we live. If we lived somewhere else, we’d have the wedding there. It wasn’t an emotional attachment thing for him … It was just a convenience thing.
We’re also footing the bill for our entire wedding. We’re both very lucky in that our parents aren’t really overbearing or anything, but it’s so easy to just say, “We don’t want that,” when they make a suggestion we don’t like without hearing any objections since they aren’t paying for any of it.
Post # 6
If your parents are paying for the wedding that makes them the hosts, and it is quite common for the wedding to take place where it is most convenient for those hosting. I certainly don’t think it’s necessary for the wedding to take place in your hometown, the wedding should certainly be about both you and your Fiance – but money equals strings. Sure, it would be nice for your parents to be willing to pay regardless of location, but it’s not the norm and to be honest it’s not very gracious to ask them to pay for the wedding and have travel expenses on top of that. You’re not being “forced” – you’re both adults and can have complete say over how your wedding goes – but that means hosting it and footing the bill yourself. Ultimately, the two of you are going to have to decide whether or not that’s something you’re willing to do. Typically I would recommend compromising – letting your parents, the hosts, have their way on location since it sounds quite important to them, and finding some other things your Fiance really cares about to do his way. But if this is the only thing that matters to him that’s going to be tricky.