(Closed) I don't want to go to my own bachelorette party…

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m sorry 🙁 Your ladies should have listened to your ideas and made sure it was something you’d enjoy. It sounds like they’re just planning a party they want.

I hope that when (if) you go, you end up having a great time and being able to relax. Maybe since its a couple weeks out still you cna make suggestions on drinking or dinner spots that won’t be so unenjoyable for you

Post # 4
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@CakeyP:  Yikes…..I’m sorry this is upsetting you as much as it is, but honestly, would you have been happier with no party at all?  It sounds like you had some definate ideas about what you wanted, and essentially, you got it….just not to the letter, which happens when someone else is throwing you a party….they get to decide some stuff, the time, the date and where. 

I’ll bet if you just tell yourself you’re going to give this a shot, and forget about all the stuff you don’t like about this party, you’ll surprise yourself and have a good time.

Post # 5
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It is nice that they are doing tihs for you, and loosely stuck to what you wanted to do.  They probably didn’t put as much thought into the “WHYs”  you had requested certain things.

Why don’t you call the one that planned it?  I mean you need to know the dinner arrangements for the people just making dinner.   Maybe if you can have discussion that has dinner in NJ you can swing the entire thing to NJ.  If not than… you’re going to have to really have to change how you look at the entire party.  

Post # 6
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i think you need to talk to your bridesmaids – i don’t know what to say about what they’ve planned, but about the timing – you should just say ‘look i’ve taken a look at my schedule before the wedding and i have to print all the paper products/pick my grandparents up from the airport/get my beauty sleep’ is there any way to change it to the date that’s more convenient for me?

if the answer is no, then i’d level with them and ask them for help – basically, ‘i’m going to be so stressed that i won’t be able to have fun if i don’t get x/y/z done so do you think you could come over on saturday to help me?’

maybe there’s a happy medium here. also – mention that friend a and b are just coming for dinner, so you’d love to let them know where you’re going! *hint*hint*

Post # 8
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t want to go to mine either.

My Mother-In-Law invited herself so she went and my SIL really hurt my feelings before the party and I really didn’t want to see her.

I ended up having a great time.


Post # 9
4699 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No they’re actually not doing something nice for you.. Look how much stress your going through. None of this sounds fun to you, their plan sounds self serving.

Truthfully, I’d cancel. It sounds like a disorganized nightmare and when something affects your mental health, I think you have a right to not attend.

Post # 10
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@CakeyP:  I did a pole dancing class in DC for a bachelorette party last spring, and it was SUCH a good time!  The instructors will break down all your boundaries and you’ll lose yourself in it, it’s so much fun.

Also, just something to think about…

Maybe they DO have plans for dinner/drinks and just haven’t told you?  It might be a surprise?

I’m sorry it’s stressing you out.  You should tell your Maid/Matron of Honor (or better yet, send this link to her) so she understands where you’re coming from.  Maybe they all think it’s something you really want but are too embarrassed to admit?

Post # 11
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like they didn’t listen to any of your requests/concerns and decided to plan the party they wanted. I would talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and just explain that while you appreciate everything, you don’t want to go into the city, stay at a hotel, or have it the weekend before the wedding. Provide her with specific alternatives and dates.

I’m actually dealing with this with my friend “K” right now. Her Maid/Matron of Honor basically planned this whole vacation with her friends and is using K’s wedding/bachelorette party as an excuse to go on the vacation with the other girls. It makes me sad because K didn’t get any choice in the matter.

Post # 13
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would just cancel it if it was going to make me physically uncomfortable i.e. have a panic attack. Who needs that?

Bachelorette parties aren’t a must-have. 

Post # 14
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@CakeyP:  I live in NJ, and I KNOW how much partying in NYC sucks (the NYC drinking scene is the MOST. DEPRESSING. THING. EVER.).

But the way you can look at it, is it’s a “once in a lifetime” deal that you NEVER have to do again. What I am most concerned about is whether you even voiced your “rules” to your friends. Who decided NYC? The MOH? Couldn’t you have said “No NYC, stay in NJ?”

Also, you had a list of pole dancing class locations, was La Femme on that list by any chance? I always walk by there, and it looks cool at night (they wear neon glow in the dark workout gear and dance in a dark room).

Post # 15
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@CakeyP:  I get it….sometimes in life, we have to do things we don’t want to….but I always manage to get excited if I’m feeling all fancy, and like…got a new outfit, which includes shoes and a purse in Nona land, maybe go get your hair done all special or treat yourself to a manicure….its not an all day affair, so enjoy the day your way on your own time, it will shine through when you’re with your bridal party pole dancing…which is probably going to be a lot of fun!

Post # 16
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@CakeyP:  Stop.  Breath.  It’s just a party.  

You have two options.  

1) You can grin and bear it.  This will be, by far, the least drama-inducing option.

2) You can ask your girls to cancel.  If you do this, I suggest you sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the person in charge of planning.  Because she is trying to do something nice for you and because she has probably already outlaid some money, she’ll probably be really upset.  

Which scenario is less anxiety inducing for you?  Choose that one.

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