I don't want to go to my SIL shower

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe you can make some time for her this weekend? Take her out to lunch and give her the gift, and apologize that you wont be able to make it the weekend after.

Post # 3
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

So… you’d go for a bachelorette and not a shower of your sil? Suck it up and just go. It’s one weekend. Make the sacrifice. You may have to spend the rest of your lives socializing… I wouldn’t want to start it off by not going when she’s only 3 hours away. 

Post # 4
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think it’s fine. I didn’t drive three hours for my SIL’s baby shower. I just sent a gift and a card. I hate making the three hour drive to my hometown and I definitely wouldn’t do it two weekends in a row. Idk…I think it’s unreasonable to expect people to come from out of town for a shower.

Post # 6
Member
9154 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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anonb4321 :  I second trying to take her out for lunch while you’re in town this weekend and skipping the shower! 

Post # 7
Member
564 posts
Busy bee

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anonb4321 :  6 hours round trip is A LOT of driving for a bridal shower IMO, if it were me I’d decline and send a gift. Unless I was able to make a little trip out of it, I wouldn’t travel that far for one day unless it was someone I was really, really close to. I also like PPs suggestion of trying to meet up with her while you’re in that area for the bachelorette party. 

Does your fiance care if you go or not? 

 

Post # 8
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

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bibliophilacticbee :  a bach is usually a weekend long activity and .. substantially way more fun.

A Shower is 2 hours watching someone open gifts.. not the same.

OP< send her a nice gift and that’s fine

Post # 10
Member
6152 posts
Bee Keeper

Wait is the bridal shower the same weekend as the bachelorette? I don’t see how you could go anyway? 

Post # 11
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
supertrooper0101 :  I understand the difference, lol. And if this was a random invite or from a cousin or random friend, I’d agree. But SIL is going to be family. Close family. And there will likely be other family events, kids birthdays events that both sides want or expect the other to travel for. 

OP isn’t busy… just lazy (said with kindness). Which I totally get… I’d be grumbling too about the drive. I just think some things are important enough to warrant sucking it up and going even if it’s a pain in the rear. 

But if she doesn’t think it’s important then okay :). I don’t know their relationship or personality so my opinion is based on my feelings and values. Which is totally fine to not agree with. 

Post # 12
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
sweatergal007 :  Its the weekend after. So she’d be traveling 6hr round trip 2 weekends in a row to attend both. 

Post # 13
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

anonb4321 :  

OP, it’s your future SIL. I get that it’s inconvenient, but if you look at these boards so much family strife is caused by hurt feelings over non-attendance. I personally don’t think a three-hour drive each way is that terrible (obviously this is my perspective and you think it is quite long).

I don’t fault you for wanting to attend the bachelorette. It sounds like you committed to it first. Honestly I would find a bachelorette much more fun than a shower anyways.

Ultimately, even when I don’t want to do things because they are inconvenient for me, I try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. What is usually most important to me is maintaining good relationships. I could see a post on here from future SIL saying “my future SIL, who I get along with quite well, decided to go to a bachelorette party instead of my shower and I’m hurt – I thought we were closer than that.” I’m sure most of the advice would be “peoples’ lives don’t revolve around you”, but what we feel and what is logical isn’t always the same thing.

For one day’s inconvenience I really would try to attend. If you’re dead set on not going can you carve out some time the weekend of the bachelorette (before or after) to have lunch/give her a gift?

Post # 14
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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bibliophilacticbee :  From the OP it sounds like she is closer to the friend than the sil she did say her and SIL aren’t friends because of the age difference. I wouldn’t travel 6 hours in one day for an event of someone I’m not close to but if it was a close friend I would

Post # 15
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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anonb4321 :  as someone who has a strained relationship with her sil I would go. It’s not worth the strife to miss it. I get that it’s a long drive which super sucks but honestly if it saves you a life time of strife the 6 hrs will be worth it. Strained relationships are tough. Hope you figure out what to do 

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