I don't want to go to my SIL shower

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
5694 posts
Bee Keeper

Six hours each way for a shower? No way. Buy her a really nice gift and take her out just the two of you.

Post # 32
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I’d go. Especially since she’s made it clear that she wants you there. 3 hours isn’t that long (to me) and I’d make a fun trip of it, leave early and make some sightseeing /coffee stops along the way. Think of how pleasantly surprised she and family would be to see you there!

Post # 34
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

i would go.  even if you aren’t super close now, she is going to be your family for the rest of your life.  i would make the effort. 

Post # 35
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would go. It’s a once in a lifetime thing for her.

Post # 36
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

View original reply
anonb4321 :  I get not wanting to go.  I’m going on my 4th weekend in a row of traveling and I am OVER IT!  

However, I did want to counsel you on the age comment.  My little brother started dating his now wife when he was 16 and she was 15.  I’m 13 years older than my SIL, so as you can imagine, the age gap/maturity gap/possibility of a friendship gap was HUGE in the beginning.  She was barely passed puberty and I was almost 30.  She drove me insane, as most rambunctious starting to mature teenagers do.  However, almost 12 years later, she is truly one of my best friends and I love her like she is my real blood sister.  Don’t let age throw you off, because as she gets older, the maturity gap between you and her will start to close.  Cultivate that relationship now and someday it will blossom!

Post # 37
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

So many people in my family traveled 4+ hours one-way to go to my bridal shower since I’m in the middle of nowhere. Cousins with babies, aunts with poor walking ability, all of them. And I will never be able to thank them enough to taking the time to be with me on such a special day to celebrate what’s to come. 

Please go. You won’t regret it. 

Post # 38
Member
518 posts
Busy bee

i get not wanting to go, but maybe make the effort to show her your support?

Post # 39
Member
13542 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would suck it up and go to both. A shower for a future sister in law, who will be in your life forever, would have taken priority over a bachelorette if you had to choose. 

Both are optional events, whether one is in the wedding party or not, and if you are talking etiquette a bachelorette is not even officially recognized as a pre-wedding function. 

Post # 41
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I would go. We recently moved 4 hours away from all of our family. We’re visiting in a few weeks (8 hours roundtrip), and then doing the same trip (8 hours roundtrip) the next weekend to see a different side of the family. Am I happy about driving 16 hours in 2 weekends? Fucking no. But I will do it because it means a lot to my husband.

Also, my maid of honor surprised me by flying in for my bridal shower. I totally didn’t expect her to come because she lives so far away, but it meant a lot that she did all of that to support me. You will support your friend (at her bachelorette), but you won’t support your future SIL???

Post # 42
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

She didn’t invite her fiancé’s mom? Yeah, that’s a little odd. Does she live far away? 

View original reply
anonb4321 :  

Post # 43
Member
2301 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
anonb4321 :  She just told me she didn’t invite our future mother in law. Is that strange? Seems it to me.

 

Hm, is she having multiple showers,  a”friends” and then a  “family” shower? And she considers you both? (Although I think she should still only invite you to one, so you don’t feel obligated to buy two presents).

 

If this is her only shower, and she’s not inviting her future Mother-In-Law, I’d be wary. Potentially she’s insisting you come to set you up as her ally if she’s anticipating any conflict with her Mother-In-Law.

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