(Closed) I DON’T want to go to the wedding!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Unfortunately, it sounds like the right thing to do is to put your personal feelings aside and attend the wedding. We don’t always have to support our friends’ choices, but we should always support our friends.

Post # 4
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well said ErinMarieMack.  The groom is a good friend of your husband, yes? Then you should go.  If it later turns out that you’re right, and their marriage falls apart, it doesn’t get you any points to be the ones who wouldn’t go to the wedding because you knew it wouldn’t last.  And really, how much time do you spend with the bride and groom anyway?  Our wedding was last weekend, and we hardly got to talk to most of the guests!  If you don’t want to hang with her all night, it’s not difficult to arrange.  Sit with some other friends who are there, drink and dance and have a nice evening, and be happy to have an evening out with your husband.  Hug the groom and wish him well.  And who knows, maybe whatever personal issues made her so awful in the past have been resolved, and now that she has a good man, she will be a much better person.  (Not likely, but still possible.  Keep your fingers crossed.)

Post # 5
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

You don’t let your huband hang out with him if she’s around?  That seems pretty harsh.  Is she a danger to herself or others?  If they are going to be married, then I think you’ll have to let that go. 

Post # 6
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m in your exact same shoes!  I hate my FI’s Best Friend’s girlfriend.  We have our moments, but in the end when they get married new year, I’m going to have to go to the wedding regardless because this is an important day in his life.  I will just show up to the wedding in a sexy RED dress! 

Post # 7
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

"I don’t even let my husband hang out with him if she’s around." 

Are you his mom or his wife?

If it is important to your husband that you go, then you should go. Being married means sometimes putting aside your own feelings and putting your spouses ahead. Not going to this wedding will totally alienate a good friend. If you are willing to drive a wedge between yourself and your husband, then don’t go. 

Post # 8
51 posts
Worker bee

I would say go to support your friend. Don’t be fake, just be polite.

Post # 9
4 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

These ladies are right. You need to go to the wedding to support two important people — your husband and his friend. Stomping your feet and nagging that you don’t want to go isn’t good either. So it is best that you don’t complain about being at the wedding all the way until the end of the reception.

Your husband would appreciate it if you didn’t discuss it further also. It is probably going to make him extremely uncomfortable that you are unhappy. Also, I would strongly suggest that you don’t bring up to any of the guests at the wedding that you don’t want to be there. It will turn against you, and it aint gonna be purty!

Just be the sacrifical lamb here. Put on a big ole smile and have a blast. If you want to satisfy that "I hate that b!tch" side, just remember that they are paying for your plate! 😉

Post # 10
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

I’m going to argue on the other side of the majority here and say that you DON’T have to go.

However, my caveat on that is that it does sound like this "mutual friend" is really more a friend of your husband’s with whom you get along with OK and whose Fiance you hate. (Perfectly OK.) If it’s really your hubs’ friend, and he wants to support his friend, you probably should go to support your spouse.

On the other hand, my hubs and I have a friend with whom our relations are VERY strained right now b/c the friend’s Girlfriend is a heinous ______. She is completely self-centered and a horrible person, and I have to say that if we were invited to a wedding for the two of them, I could not, in good conscience, go because I cannot support their union. I do support him and I want him to have a happy, good life, but I (and all his other friends) do not believe that he will have that with this person.  

So I certainly understand how you feel.  If you truly, truly think you cannot get through the evening for reasons similar to mine, then perhaps you shouldn’t attend, and let your husband go on his own. But don’t make a big deal out of it; you’ll only reap ill will.

I will agree with others here, though, in that you can’t tell your husband what to do; you can’t forbid him to see his friend whether or not the Fiance is there. That’s getting into the middle of the relationship between your husband and his friend. 

Post # 11
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

If your husband truly wants to go then you should consider going but ATTENDING A WEDDING is actually an approval of sorts.  We forget that traditionally you do NOT attend weddings of people with whom you do not share moral beliefs or if you think they are in some way bad people.  By showing up you give your seal of approval and support.  If however you want to bend to keep the peace then bend and say nothing more about her.  If you are right the world will know soon enough!

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