Post # 1
Apparently it is! I’ve uttered those words a couple of times only to receive judgmental looks and arguments. The only people I talk seriously about this is my family. My mom always says “ay mija why not?” but she keeps her judgements to herself. She doesn’t tell me that I’m selfish or heretic (lol). People always ask me, when are you gonna have a baby and I say, not yet to avoid confrontation.
The truth is that I love kids. I absolutely adore them! but I don’t feel like I need to have one of my own. I teach kids with disabilities and I feel that devoting myself to them fulfills my motherly instincts and I can go bike riding after work and travel during summers to NOT Disneyland.
Darling Husband and I say that we don’t want to have kids and we may just spend the rest of our lives taking trips to wonderful places and being the most awesome aunt and uncle for our nieces and nephews. They say we may change our minds, I get that but why judge us now? Why don’t you wait till we’re 50? lol
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
The less you tell people, the less they can judge. The next time you get that question, tell the asker, “I’ll have kids just as soon as you pay for their entire upbringing… including college.” Then laugh and let the subject drop.
Post # 4
Nope, not a crime at all. People are annoying and like to poke around in the business of others. Such a turn off.
FWIW though my parents never took me to Disneyland for summer vacations. We were usually on the French or Italian riviera 😛 You can definitely still travel with kids.
Post # 5
@amoret11: There are many, many people that don’t want children, and that is totally fine. It’s a good thing for some of us and for other, like you, it isn’t. So you want to travel the world and share your time with your husband? People are a;ways going to judge on everything. Just tell them to mind their own business. I’d be straight forward becuase they will continue to ask if you just tell them not right now. I’d rather have a 5 minute “you need to have babies” speech than a lifetime of “When are you going to have kids?”
Post # 6
At least your mother keeps her judgements to herself. Mine looks at me like I’m the next Hitler.
Post # 7
Honestly there is nothing wrong with wanting to be without children. Having a child for the wrong reasons is far far worse.
Post # 8
It is good that you know you don’t want kids becuase even when you really really do want them kids can be so much work. Don’t tell people your plans because they have a way of interjecting their opinions and projecting all their own stories onto you. You’re not lying per se by not revealing you don’t want kids. You’re just not inviting them into your personal space.
Post # 9
@megz06: You are right but I can’t decide which one is more annoying. “Not yet” takes care of it for a while but it only gets worse I know.
I know that there are A LOT of people who are just like us, but still they get judgments. Like I was just reading a post where someone asked the CBC community why don’t you get your tubes tied or a vasectomy. Really?
It is not only about traveling and doing things without kids. Like I said, I love kids and I feel that I give back a lot to my community and the kids I work with. I feel complete and happy doing this but dread the idea of having to through life explaining myself to everybody.
Post # 10
@amoret11: Defiantly not a crime. Not everyone wants kids and that is fine. You may change your mind you may not, but that is your and your husbands business.
I think it is extremly annoying when ppl ask this question. I totally understand if it is a close friend or family member, but when anyone else asks it, it is kinda rude. I know ppl dont mean to be, they are just curious. But it is a personal question. A good friend of mine and her husband have been desperatly trying to conceive for a few years now and have been unsuccessful. She said it almost brings her to tears when ppl ask her when her and her husband are going to start having kids. She doesnt want to go into it with ppl who arent close. Like I said I know ppl don’t mean to be rude, but it is an unpleasant reminder for her.
Anyways, I think it is totally fine if you guys don’t wanna have kids. But agree with the previous poster. You dont have to take your kids to Disneyland, you could still travel to nice places with kids if you wanted too.
Post # 11
@Hyperventilate: It reads funny but I bet you’re annoyed. My Father-In-Law would do that if we were to tell him but we’re not discussing that with him until we’re 50 haha.
Post # 12
This is such a personal choice, is a shame that people think they have the right to judge others when they want children. I never wanted children until I met my Darling Husband and that’s when I completely change my mind about children and now we are pregnant with our first child, but i have a friend who loves children, but prefers to simply not have them (she has her reasons) and i dont judge her nor do i try to convice her to have them.
Post # 13
Darling Husband and I also do not want kids. people have judged us left and right about this, but i stand firmly with my decision. I have a lot of things i want to do in life, including travelling and starting a career in animal welfare. i would be severly limited if i had a child and i simply dont have it in me. in my case, i also suffer from an eating disorder. i could not handle gaining the weight to safely carry a child. im sure this plays a big part in my decision.
Post # 14
@amoret11: You have no idea.
Mom tries to guilt trip me all the time. My brothers (thankfully) are in no position to reproduce and/or get married so she keeps reminding me that I am her “only hope” for grandbabies. It got to the point where she was bringing it up every single day for three weeks.
I flat out told her that with her nagging I’d throw myself down the stairs if I got pregnant. She gasped in horror and said, “Not with my grandbaby inside you, you wouldn’t!” Fed up with this shit I just replied, “Try me.”
She let up after that. She still brings it up time to time and when I told her I have literally zero desire to reproduce, she gives me this look that means she’s trying to make me feel worse than the worst person in the world.
Oh, not to mention the, “When I was your age, I had two children.”
That’s nice. Want a medal?
Post # 15
@amoret11: Continue to be true to yourselves as a couple! Just because society dictates “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage” does not mean everyone has to follow that life path.
Post # 16
@Hyperventilate: Yeah, I’ve heard my Father-In-Law tell another couple that it is unfair for grandparents when their kids don’t want to give them grandkids. I think it is unfair for grandparents to ask their kids to bring up kids into the world for the wrong reasons just so they can see them every other Sunday.