(Closed) I don’t want to invite her because…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you closer to the sister and mother? Are you closer to the mother than the daughter or vice versa and only invite the one you are closest too to avoid an obvious “only YOU are not invited”?

Post # 5
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Your wedding is still far off, have you sent out invitations yet?  Is there any way you can not invite the whole family, or just invite the mother, so it looks like a generational thing rather than an individual thing?

Barring all that, can you have someone who is a little closer relation (like which ever one of your parents is related to her mother) put in a gentle word with her mother, who might then put in a gentle word with the smelly relative that this is an elegant affair, and that means she needs to be neat, clean, and dressy?  If you do it that way, it’s less like saying “hey you smell and need to shower before our wedding” and more like saying “hey we’re putting the word out that this isn’t really a casual affair, and we want people to be dressed up and looking their best.”

I don’t know, that’s a tough one.  I think it also depends WHY she’s so smelly.  If it’s a physical medical issue then I feel sorry for her and she shouldn’t be excluded for that reason.  If it’s an issue of mental illness or disability, then someone may just need to tell her flat out what she needs to do because she may not understand the issue.  If it’s a matter of laziness? Well, as embarrassing as it is she may just need a wake up call.

Post # 7
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hmm… She’s out of state right?  Since she’s already a little anti-social, I say send her an invite (but no save the date) and hopefully the combo of not having a ton of time to make travel plans and not really wanting to go anyway will be enough to keep her away.  If not, well you can always seat her with the rest of her family who are probably used to her smell 🙁

Post # 8
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You don’t have to invite her. You’re inviting her sis cos she’ll be coming with the mom, right? Like, they’re not getting a plus one each, are they?

Post # 9
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Maybe things have changed since you last saw her.

Post # 10
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If she shows up sit her with her mother and sister and their family.  They should be used to her smell and should have done/said something already. 

Post # 11
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You could seat her between the mother and the sister if you had to invite her.

Post # 12
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Besides being thankful you don’t need to sit by her…. I’d sit her with her family – and do bathroom baskets that include perfume and deodorant 😉

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