(Closed) I don't want to invite my parents to our elopement… am I being selfish?

posted 8 years ago in Elopement
Post # 17
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Interesting, from what you’ve written I’ve see some key elements that you’ve mentioned… (but by reading between the lines per se, I may see somethings you might have missed)

1- Your Parents paid for a good sized Wedding for your Sister.

2- And after telling your Dad you are planning to elope, he says some hurtful things…

My father started hitting unnecessaryow-blows at me, telling me to “make sure this is what want, because there’s a lot of sleepless nights and tears if [we] get divorced” and other miscellaneous rude comments.

From where I am sitting, it seriously looks like the issue isn’t that they have a lot of money and won’t share it with you (which really and truly is none of your concern… HOW MUCH money they have, or HOW they choose to spend it)

But rather I am thinking that they perhaps have an issue with the man you plan to marry… Your Dream Wedding is too much for the family to get excited about, and the small elopement you proposed problematic because your Dad is worried you’re making a possible mistake.

Something to think about…

I suggest you examine WHY it is your Parents have concerns about your Fiance… to be honest I think a lot of times Parents “see” underlying problems that happy-dappy Brides might have overlooked… when a Parent really thinks their children are making GOOD Decisons with their mates, they don’t hesitate to tell them, and embrace their chosen partners.

Just my 2 cents.

 

Post # 18
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sucks when parents treat one sibling a different way than the other. My folks aren’t paying one red cent to the wedding. I don’t know if mom and step dad will be there. I too had dreams of this big perfect wedding but reality set in. I say elope and don’t tell them. If u still want a nice size wedding have it on your one year anniversary. 

Post # 19
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Latrise:  I agree! That is exactly what we are doing. Our family and friends are excited for our wedding, but since it is a destination wedding (the hometown of my grandfather) they feel that my Fiance and I should pay for their travels. We decided that we didn’t want to spend money on that so we  told everyone we post poned the wedding for a year and are eloping. We will tell them when we return from our weddingmoon in Jamaica. On our one year anniversary we are having a big ceremony and recpetion in the church. 

Post # 20
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

“Well now I can’t say anything because you’ve brought up cancer.”–Charlotte York

I’ll just have to be a jerk and say something anyway.  I’m sorry that your dad has cancer, but he hasn’t always had it, so why does he get a pass for being an abusive dick for your entire life?  He shouldn’t get a pass.  It’s not your fault that he is physically sick, and it’s not your fault that he is mentally/emotionally sick to the degree that he has (and continues to) cause you so much pain and self doubt. 

Your wedding is supposed to be joyful.  If having your parents involved in any way–even if it’s just a conversation–takes away from that joy, then don’t involve them at all.  From what you’ve told us, they really don’t deserve your consideration, and they especially shouldn’t be given the opportunity to make you feel terrible on your wedding day.

If you really aren’t close to them, as you said, then really–don’t be close to them.  You don’t need their approval or their opinions.  Do what you want, and have the life that you and your fiance want to have, and do it without worrying about your parent’s judgments or desires. 

Go to the chapel and get married, just the two of you, and have a beautiful, private, romantic day that you will always treasure.

 

Post # 22
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You don’t have to invite your parents, and I agree your dads statements are hurtful.

However that being said, you clearly are an adult and should be able to make your own choices, make a budget and save money for a weddiing if that what you truly want. Don’t get married at the courthouse out of spite for your parents, because if it’s not what you truly want.

You and your Fiance shoud able to make your own plans, a budget, savings and working towards the wedding you want jointly. Your Dad should have been more tactful in his approach but it doesn’t matter if he is a worth millions he doesn’t owe you wedding.

I would work on boundaries,respect, with him, and if he doesn’t shape up then yes you shouldn’t invite him no matter where the venue is.

Post # 23
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I know this post is a couple months old, but I wanted to chime in. My husband and I have been married nearly 10 years, and our “elopement” is still a sore spot for both of our families. I say “elopement” because my mom, stepdad and brother basically chased us to Vegas so they could be there once they caught wind we were doing it. We eloped for lots of reasons- financial, I’m terrified of crowds and being the center of attention, his parents were going though a divorce. It was the right decision at the time, and we have no regrets about doing it- except that 3 people showed up that we didn’t want there.

So, why am I on weddingbee after 10 years? Yup, we’re renewing our vows because people are still pissed they weren’t invited. After 10 years. For years we have been talking about renewing our vows- for many reasons- one of which is to get people off our backs.

So, I encourage you to do whatever you and your fiance want to do… and don’t tell anyone beforehand. You’re an adult- you can make your own decisions. And be prepared to deal with the aftermath that may occur. I don’t know why, but sometimes people feel like they’re entitled to fulfill THEIR dreams with someone else’s wedding. It has to be what you want or you’ll regret it- even 10 years later. 

Post # 24
Member
6116 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“So, why am I on weddingbee after 10 years? Yup, we’re renewing our vows because people are still pissed they weren’t invited. After 10 years. For years we have been talking about renewing our vows- for many reasons- one of which is to get people off our backs.”

 

Oh my goodness!  I’d say this is one of the rare cases, but I’m so sorry they don’t know how to move on with their lives!

Post # 25
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sienna76:  Yeah, I know. You would think after 10 years and two children, they would have moved on. The renewal will be a surprise for all of them- they think it’s an anniversary party. But hopefully it will mend some of the hurt they still feel. 

We have absolutely no regrets. It seems like most couples that elope have no regrets whereas many of the couples that have huge, expensive weddings wish they would have eloped. We are excited about our renewal and having our children there- everyone else could come or not come as far as we’re concerned. 🙂

Post # 26
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

no its not being selfish hince the word 

elopement 

🙂 go enjoy your wedding day 

Post # 27
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@PGsHotBride:  I agree with your post.  Just because your father is sick doesn’t give him the right to dictate to an adult child over the age of consent how/when to get married. Elope and enjoy yourselves and go on with your lives.

Post # 28
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We’re eloping later this month and no one is invited.  No friends…no family…NO ONE.  I’m sure there are some hurt feelings about it but that’s not my concern because those people will get over it.  We wanted it to be a special moment between the 2 of us and that’s what we’re having.  🙂

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