posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

Well.  I feel your pain.  Though I partied with the best of them when I was younger, I’m not a partier now and don’t like it when it’s pushed on me.  Please accept that I will go for awhile tolerate as much as I can then try my best to slip out quietly without making a dramatic scene.  That’s all I can or am willing to do.  That’s my compromise.  You want me partying all night.  I don’t want to go at all. 

Unfortunately though, most friends are not unconditional (if anything is unconditional it’s more often parents/family – and even those relationships are often not unconditional.)

Post # 4
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

yea I found this to be the case, in fact it was one of the first thing I complained about on weddingbee. I used to party party party and never was in long term relationships so all my friend were party people, not real friends and they relied on me being single to have fun. They used to be in and out of relationships but i was always single and down for whatever. 


When I got into a reltionship they fell away. I wasnt partying anymore and they didnt want any other type of relationship with me. I now think thats ok theyre in a different place from me and its time for me to follow  my happiness and find some more deep and meaningful friends.

Post # 5
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I definitely get where you’re coming from.  While I’m just a few years younger than you, I’m no longer on the party scene much myself.  I partied all through my teens & the 1st couple years of my 20s. That was literally a solid decade of partying, and now for the most part, I just want to “chill”.  I want to come home on a Friday night and have a glass of wine & read a book, or go out to a nice dinner with my SO.  I don’t want to get all fancy, leave my house at damn near midnight, pay $20 to sweat in some damn night club, and then stay out drinking until dawn.  That was great when I was 21, but fastfoward 4 years later, and its just so unappealing!



I have an older sister who is still very single, and all she ever wants to do is party. I feel so bad turning her down so often, but I just can’t go out every weekend & stay out all night. I try my hardest to at least just go with the flow, for friend’s birthdays or special occassions, but that’s about it.  I think you should probably just try to go with the flow for the bachelorette party. It seems like your girls just really want you to have fun.  There’s always the chance that they are telling you that its going to be some crazy drunken rager of a bachelorette party, just to throw you off a bit.


Post # 6
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Luckily my Maid/Matron of Honor listened to me when I said i didn’t want to go to a strip club for my bachelorette party. I was surprised they didn’t force me to do it, and they’re instead planning on a relaxing girls’ weekend away for wine and chocolate tastings and a spa day. Thank god. 

Post # 7
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Your story sounds like mine… I’m 26. I started my party phase at 20, and was over it by 23. I like to think of it as getting it all out of my system 😉

I get pressured all the time by co-workers and friends and they actually get upset with me if I decline? I’m so glad my fiancee is like me though… he’s the only one I know who can relate and assure me I’m not some sort of freak for not wanting to party and get drunk O.o

Post # 8
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Humans? Unconditional?

The only unconditional anything that you can get is from a dog.

Post # 9
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@strawbs:  So true

 @Stace126:  I am a big advocate of adults only doing what they feel comfortable with but when you strat throwing around statements like friends are unconditional and why don’t they understand I feel compelled to bounce back with if you think friends are unconditional then you should accept what they want to do and understand what they want to do and suck it up. Suck it up and be an adult and decline the invite or go and try and have a good time.

You either accept your friends for who they are which includes their likes and dislikes or you find new friends.

Post # 11
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Stace126:  Because it is their bachelor/bachelorette party. I am so uncomfortable with strip joints, but if it was someone’s bachelorette and I was super close with that person I would go. If I’m not close enough I would join in with the other festivities. I would expect the same treatment from other people to me (if I don’t want a strip club for mine, I would expect it not to be on the list of things that would be happening).

Find someone who would plan a bachelorette party you would want, simple as that.

Post # 12
495 posts
Helper bee

I totally get not wanting to go to this kind of party; you have my sympathies.

But as far as what to do: Don’t go. Don’t be wishy-washy, don’t tell them it’s cool if they plan it for YOUR bachelorette night but you just won’t join them. Let them know it’s an unacceptable way to celebrate YOU. If it were in someone else’s honor, I’d say you could be a little bit softer, but this is just not cool. And, if you want, have an alternate plan that fits your budget and your idea of fun.

(And be prepared that they might not have a party at all. Personally, I’d rather have nothing than have ‘friends’ ‘celebrating’ in this manner.)


Post # 12
1 posts

Stace126: I am in a similar situation as the OP but as the best man it is difficult. I had planned something small in the afternoon, and everyone else attacked me for it, insisting that we do the all night barhopping thing. So I said it’s fine but I will not be joining that. Then they try to guilt me into it. I still haven’t responded but once this wedding is over a need a break from everyone.

Post # 13
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

ew0054:  I can relate! Stick to your guns. I’m a leader, not a follower and I am so over doing things just to please other people.

I told my girls I don’t want a bunch of penis decorations at my bachelorette party (ex. necklaces, straws, hats) because I HATE that and think it’s stupid and gross. I also don’t plan on getting smashed drunk. I love my friends but I have no problem doing my own thing if it comes down to it. Hell no will I ever feel bad for going against the majority. 

Post # 14
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Your friends are being disrespectful of your lifestyle.  I would not be okay with that.  In fact, mine know me so well that if they tried that crap, I’d tell them to go have the party without me.  You don’t always have to be the nice guy.  While you can’t plan your own bachelorette party, they should certainly take your personality into account when deciding what to do.  Anything less than that is basically saying the party is for them, not for you.  You might just point out that if they are going to go so far out of the way to do something you’re not at all interested in, you won’t be attending.  At the same time, are you certain they’re not yanking your chain?

For what it’s worth, I had a friend call when she got my Save the Date.  Excited, planning the trip, telling me how smashed we were going to get or something along those lines.  I told her she could do what she wanted, but it wasn’t going to be that kind of a party to begin with and since I’ve never gotten drunk in my life, it wasn’t even sorta going to happen then.  She ended up not coming to my wedding at all – I sure as heck hope it wasn’t for that reason.  Haven’t actually heard from her since, or much before that either, so it’s clear we’ve grown apart.  You may be growing apart from your friends as well if they don’t take your feelings into account.

Lastly – no matter where they take you, you don’t have to drink anything you don’t want to.  They can’t force you to get wasted no matter how much they imbibe themselves.  Just keep on standing your ground about that and other wasteful expenses that are “only” whatever.  And maybe be on the lookout for some ‘adults’ to hang out with now.

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