Post # 1
I am so tired of people asking me “How excited are you?!” and “How is the wedding planning going?” because I don’t want to plan this wedding. I feel tired and I am not in the least bit excited about it. I’m trying to deal with my depression and anxiety, and am just now getting it all under control. It’s also a very DIY wedding, which takes a whole lot of effort. I want to marry this guy and be with him forever, but I want to call off the wedding. I don’t think it’s possible. How can I get out of this funk?
Post # 3
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of this…I can’t imagine how much you must have weighing on your mind.
Is there a way you can just postpone the wedding? Dealing with depression and anxiety is a job in it of itself, and planning a wedding at the same time seems really overwhelming. Is there someone you can talk to about it? Maybe a counselor can help you sort what’s causing the funk and keep you moving forward. Or at the very least they can be a great sounding board to get things off of your chest.
Good luck…I hope you figure things out!
Post # 4
Prioritize. Anxiety/depression > DIY stuff. Deal with the mental health issues first and foremost. Once they’re under control, assess the DIY situation. Rate your projects as: critical, very important, would like to have but don’t need to have, and don’t care/seemed like a good idea at the time. but not anymore. Abandon the last category. Then go through the remaining projects and rate by time: easily completed by wedding, possibly completed by wedding, cannot be completed. Set aside those that cannot be completed in time.
At that point, you’ve got a managable list of things to do. I don’t know how OCD you are about letting other people mess with your projects, but this would be a good time to reach out to friends/family and see if they can give you a hand, even for an hour or two.
Post # 5
I am right there with you. Most people expect us to be/act like some scripted version of a “typical” bride once they get engaged. I never intended on being anyone other than myself, which is someone with social anxiety disorder who freaking HATES the 20 questions.
I think you should plan whatever type of ceremony you are comfortable with, big or small. As for the people who bombard you, I just got really good at redirecting the topic of conversation. Also I use the line “it’s all a big surprise so I’m not going to tell you anything!”– pretty much makes them stop asking stuff. (of course in my head I’m being super sarcastic basically telling them to zip it, but on the outside I’m coming off completely differently, and they never know :))
Also…I hired a wedding planner. I cut the cost from other areas so I could fit it into my budget (which isn’t very big to begin with)…but it’s the best decision I’ve made since I said “yes” when he popped the question.
Post # 6
I keep thinking about hiring a wedding planner, but I’m afraid of the cost. Can you tell me how much you spent? Everything just feels like a chore! I wish I were a rich girl, and I could just order everything I want, and not worry about it. That just seems like it would be a piece of cake to me.
About postponing, I don’t think I can. I have already paid for and booked the venue, and we wouldn’t be able to get our money back. We’ve sent out the save-the-dates, and everyone is planning to come out.. I want this to be a fun and not stressful experience. I want to look back on this time and have fond memories, not say “God, I’m glad that’s over!” Jeez.
Post # 7
@missbluesky: Decide how much you would be willing to pay in order to give the stress to someone else. One paycheck? Maybe two? Look around on Weddingwire, Craigslist, MyWedding.com, and any local wedding planning websites. My guess is that you’ll eventually find someone in your price range who would be willing to do the grunt work for you. I understand not wanting to shell out a ton of cash for a planner, but not everyone is excited about planning a wedding. And if you’re not excited, don’t do it!
Girls who don’t want to sew their own dresses go to a bridal salon. Girls who don’t want to bake their own cakes hire a baker. Girls who don’t want to design and arrange their own flowers get a florist. In your case, I really think it’s worth looking into hiring a planner. In the end, you’ll want to think back on this time and have happy thoughts. Ten years from now you won’t miss the money the planner charged you, but you WILL remember how miserable you were doing everything on your own.
Look into it. Don’t compromise your mental health for the sake of your wedding.
Post # 8
@missbluesky: Ah! I wish I had seen your post before I made a very similar post earlier today.
I feel EXACTLY the same way. Planning is miserable! I hate it! I’ve hired a coworker to be my day-of-coordinator, but there was no way that a full wedding planner was in our budget. I also frequently wish that I had tons of money. It seems like it would make this whole wedding thing much less stressful!
I guess I don’t really have any advice, but I’m going through the same thing. It’s tough. I really hate people constantly asking me how wedding planning is going and then acting like my relationship must be on the rocks if I don’t have opinions about table linens. It’s like I’m expected to care about all of this crap I never cared about before, or else I’m a BAD BRIDE who will be a BAD WIFE. No pressure, right??
Post # 9
@carrotstick: Exactly! I’ve just decided that I will stop worrying so much. I DIY’ed the save-the-dates, and spent hours upon hours on them pasting little tiny flags onto them and then planned to do that to the invites as well. I’ve decided to just stop. It’s cute, sure, but people are going to get them in the mail, throw away the cute expensive envelope, keep the invite till the wedding (maybe) and then toss that out too. And then they’ll never remember it. You know what I mean?
I’m just saying that I’m going to try to lighten up. It’s not about paper, or making the colors of everything perfectly match and coordinate, it’s about having a good time. Everyone will remember having fun, not whether the napkins matched the flowers.
Post # 10
@missbluesky: If you don’t want to, then don’t. Seriosuly. A wedding is only a “job” if you make it that wasy. It’s entirely up to you.
Post # 11
@missbluesky: That’s a great attitude to have. 🙂
I also found this article that I think you might like: When Brides Don’t Squeal Enough