(Closed) I don't want to plan this wedding.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of this…I can’t imagine how much you must have weighing on your mind.

Is there a way you can just postpone the wedding?  Dealing with depression and anxiety is a job in it of itself, and planning a wedding at the same time seems really overwhelming.  Is there someone you can talk to about it?  Maybe a counselor can help you sort what’s causing the funk and keep you moving forward.  Or at the very least they can be a great sounding board to get things off of your chest.

Good luck…I hope you figure things out!  

Post # 4
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Prioritize.  Anxiety/depression > DIY stuff.  Deal with the mental health issues first and foremost.  Once they’re under control, assess the DIY situation.  Rate your projects as: critical, very important, would like to have but don’t need to have, and don’t care/seemed like a good idea at the time. but not anymore.   Abandon the last category.  Then go through the remaining projects and rate by time: easily completed by wedding, possibly completed by wedding, cannot be completed.  Set aside those that cannot be completed in time.

At that point, you’ve got a managable list of things to do.  I don’t know how OCD you are about letting other people mess with your projects, but this would be a good time to reach out to friends/family and see if they can give you a hand, even for an hour or two.

Post # 5
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am right there with you. Most people expect us to be/act like some scripted version of a “typical” bride once they get engaged. I never intended on being anyone other than myself, which is someone with social anxiety disorder who freaking HATES the 20 questions. 

I think you should plan whatever type of ceremony you are comfortable with, big or small. As for the people who bombard you, I just got really good at redirecting the topic of conversation. Also I use the line “it’s all a big surprise so I’m not going to tell you anything!”– pretty much makes them stop asking stuff. (of course in my head I’m being super sarcastic basically telling them to zip it, but on the outside I’m coming off completely differently, and they never know :))

Also…I hired a wedding planner. I cut the cost from other areas so I could fit it into my budget (which isn’t very big to begin with)…but it’s the best decision I’ve made since I said “yes” when he popped the question. 

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@missbluesky:  Decide how much you would be willing to pay in order to give the stress to someone else. One paycheck? Maybe two? Look around on Weddingwire, Craigslist, MyWedding.com, and any local wedding planning websites. My guess is that you’ll eventually find someone in your price range who would be willing to do the grunt work for you. I understand not wanting to shell out a ton of cash for a planner, but not everyone is excited about planning a wedding. And if you’re not excited, don’t do it!

Girls who don’t want to sew their own dresses go to a bridal salon. Girls who don’t want to bake their own cakes hire a baker. Girls who don’t want to design and arrange their own flowers get a florist. In your case, I really think it’s worth looking into hiring a planner. In the end, you’ll want to think back on this time and have happy thoughts. Ten years from now you won’t miss the money the planner charged you, but you WILL remember how miserable you were doing everything on your own.

Look into it. Don’t compromise your mental health for the sake of your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@missbluesky:  Ah! I wish I had seen your post before I made a very similar post earlier today. 

I feel EXACTLY the same way. Planning is miserable! I hate it! I’ve hired a coworker to be my day-of-coordinator, but there was no way that a full wedding planner was in our budget. I also frequently wish that I had tons of money. It seems like it would make this whole wedding thing much less stressful!

I guess I don’t really have any advice, but I’m going through the same thing. It’s tough. I really hate people constantly asking me how wedding planning is going and then acting like my relationship must be on the rocks if I don’t have opinions about table linens. It’s like I’m expected to care about all of this crap I never cared about before, or else I’m a BAD BRIDE who will be a BAD WIFE. No pressure, right??

Post # 10
Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@missbluesky:  If you don’t want to, then don’t. Seriosuly. A wedding is only a “job” if you make it that wasy. It’s entirely up to you.

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