(Closed) I don’t want to postpone our wedding – I feel selfish

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you are going through this. It is hard enough to have to completely rethink a wedding you had been planning, but postponing as well… ouch. From your post, I don’t think it sounds reasonable to postpone your wedding in order to teach his sister how to manage her money. The sister and her husband are adults, and honestly it isn’t her brother’s place to try to alter their money habits. If he isn’t comfortable paying for them to come, then maybe you could have a smaller celebration with them later on? Could you offer to pay the same amount for everyone, and then if his sister can’t afford it, you will be in a less difficult position?

Post # 4
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with you that your wedding isn’t really the time to trying to teach his adult sister a lesson. Not to mention that if she’s financially irresponsible what are the chances that she will really save up? I’d be sooo pissed if I put my wedding on hold for her and then she still didn’t have the money. I’d just be honest with your Fiance about how you feel. I don’t think it’s selfish to want to get married sooner rather than later.

Post # 5
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It’s not unreasonable to not want to put off your wedding for something that may (or likely will not) benefit his irresponsible adult sister.  Why doesn’t he just talk to her instead of ‘trying to teach her a lesson.’

Post # 6
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. Maybe you can talk to your Fiance and explain how disappointed you would be.

Post # 7
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think that you are being selfish at all by not wanting to postpone your wedding. I would be sure to listen to your FI’s concerns about having all of his family in the US to celebrate with you. It definitely is not your job to teach his sister how to save, but I would be careful how you approach your Fiance with that. Good luck!!!

Post # 9
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Why did you change it to the US? Just curious..

 

Post # 12
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What about loaning them the money instead of straight out paying for it? I know loans can be a really sensitive subject in a lot of families, but depending on how his is, it MIGHT be a way to have the wedding now, but still give them time to ‘save’ or realize what it means to be more financially responsible or whatever your Fiance wants them to figure out. 🙂

Also, Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t sound like the most stable family member (no offense…) so what are the chances of her actually coming through on the savings? If there’s a good chance you’re going to end up paying it anyway (like if she isn’t as successful at saving as Fiance thinks she could be), then why bother pushing back your date for her?

Post # 14
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you’ve got the right idea now. I looked at your other thread too. Not knowing the whole situation, my impression of people with tendencies like her is that they won’t change right away, so chances are your Fiance tells her to save $$ to buy $X tickets, it might not happen. I have experience with this as I’ve learned more about my FIL’s situation. From the outside, I want to ask why he can’t just be an adult and understand that he can’t spend money he doesn’t have. But it’s more complicated than that.

I agree that you’re not selfish … and your wedding is a not a reason to teach a lesson!

Post # 15
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I hope his family is able to come! So many posts on the boards today about financially irresponsible family…

Post # 16
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think if you guys can afford a wedding in the US in April and help family get there, you should do it. (Plus, I like your April date 🙂 Don’t postpone to teach lessons. The wedding isn’t about her, it’s about you guys.

Look around and get an idea as to how much it is going to cost to have it here and go over the numbers with your Fiance.

 

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