(Closed) I don’t want to register! Advice, please.

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am RIGHT there with you and am curious to see how others have handled this. Really, all we’d be registering for is upgrades to things we already own!

Post # 4
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

Until fairly recently, registries were set up by families who were in the upper echelon, so no one I know ever registered when they got married. 🙂 Most women in my generation received gifts from their close friends and family, and they were usually towels, sheets, slow cookers,  bed pillows, blankets, toasters, hand mixers…nothing really fancy like china,crystal and silver (tho some did, but it was limited to your Mom or Grandmother and Aunts if anyone bought them at all).

Our Moms kept a running list of things we would need, and people would usually call her and ‘take’ one of the items so there were very few duplicates. It worked out fine!

Post # 5
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am only registering for a small amount of things, there are some things we could use so it will be a short list, maybe 15 items or so…

Post # 6
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So you don’t want to receive any gifts at your wedding or shower? If this is really true, you need to absolutely out your foot down and tell your bridal party not to throw you a shower. They can have an engagement party instead. Do you expect people go buy you anything for the wedding or just show up sans gift?

The problem is that it can be very stressful to attend a wedding/shower and not know what to bring as a gift. I know I don’t like asking for things, but I hate even more trying to buy stuff fof other people when I don’t know what they want.

You don’t have to register for high end gifts. There are lots of people who register for everyday items like towels, potholders, spatulas, etc.

Post # 7
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If they insist on throwing a shower, maybe request that guests bring a favorite recipe, bottle of wine, or a note with advice on it in lieu of a gift (these are just examples, pick something that appeals to you). Don’t register if you don’t want to.

Post # 9
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ok..I was totally against registering also.  Here is what changed my mind.  Some people are going to buy you something regardless of whether you register or not.  Woudln’t you like to have some say/control in what they get you or at least give them an idea of what to get you rather than have it be some random thing that you are then stuck with.  That is the only reason I am registering at all.  Even though I don’t WANT/NEED anything I don’t want people getitng me randomnes either.  Just MO

Post # 10
47 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

We gave in and registered for the same reasons quoted above — people will buy you something regardless, so you might as well get something you’d like. Most of the items on our list were more specialty items that we didn’t have or that really needed to be tossed and replaced. We only registered for enough stuff for the shower. People mainly gave us cash or gift cards for the wedding. When my mom got married for the second time, I gave her a Wine Shower — everyone brought bottles of wine or wine gadgets. It went over really well.

Post # 11
32 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you really don’t want to, then don’t do it.

Since you said your stuff is hodgepodge, it might be nice to consider registering for dishes and towels so everything will match.  Your home will look a little more pulled together, and it’ll help satiate those who want you to do so.

Fiance and I are living with mismatched dishes and towels now, and I can’t wait for everything to match.  We’re planning on donating our old stuff, or saving it for FI’s younger brother to use as starter items when he moves out.

Seriously though, YOU are the bride; do what YOU want! 

Post # 12
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

You could always do a very small registry with the few things you do want/need – like PP’s said, people will get you gifts anyway, might as well be something you’ll use. 

The other thing would be to choose a favorite charity or organization to donate to instead – have them bring items for a food pantry for the shower or donate to the Red Cross or something like that. 

Post # 13
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We live in a loft so we don’t really have room for gifts that we don’t need so for my shower they are doing a wine theme where each person brings two bottles of wine, one for the party and one or me to take home. I’m pretty excited about filling up my wine rack 🙂

Post # 14
1 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you dont want to register, then dont!! This is your day. Guests may just give gift cards or cash. Guaranteed you will recieve matching towels or serving dishes anyway!!

PS Im with you, we arent registering either (my thought is that it is kind of rude)


Post # 15
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

People are going to buy you gifts, whether you want or need them or not, so you can either do the responsible thing and tell them what sort of things you actually like and could use (you can always use new towels, and if you can’t right now, you put them away somewhere until the ones you have a worn out), or you put your guests in the situation of choosing for you and then wondering if they wasted their money because they had no directions.

I cannot imagine ever not needing more things in my kitchen. Pots and pans warp, electrics die, spatulas get melted, plates break. Plus, it’s really nice to at least have a set of everyday dishes that match and are enough to serve 8-12 people on.

Post # 16
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I felt much the same: uncomfortable with the focus on gifts that comes with weddings.

I also didn’t want a shower and compromised on a luncheon (no presumption of gifts for a luncheon). As a surprise, everyone brought a book that they thought I would enjoy, knowing that I’m both a big reader and a librarian. It was lovely, sweet, and not expensive for anyone.

For the wedding, we held firm and did not register. Most people still brought something: cards, money, or gifts. The gifts were thoughtful and surprising and it was easy to write genuine thank you notes.

Registering is really a pretty recent phenomena. It’s not mandatory! If you continue to get complaints from your Mom, you could always point that Judith Martin (THE Miss Manners) hates registries. 🙂

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