(Closed) I don’t want to share the spotlight

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Well first of all, you recognize that you cannot control the world and it’s unreasonable to ask that you be the sole person getting engaged at any point. So suck it up.

Your engagement will feel special, regardless of whatever anyone else is doing.

And finally, an engagement really isn’t about you being in the spotlight. It’s about a commitment you are making with your SO. Remember that.

Post # 4
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Try not to worry too much – another persons engagement doesnt mean that people still wont be excited for you and these people arent even engaged yet!! They are probably jealous of you for being engaged before they are! You actually might find it nice to have other people to talk about wedding stuff with who are going through it too so they wont think you are nuts for talking wedding 24/7. Also, if your friends do get engaged – each of you will have different weddings and its not a competition. Remember to stick to what you and your fiance like and want and what represents you and not anyone else

Post # 5
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

trust me, having a friend who is engaged at the same time as you is so much fun! You have someone who wants to talk about weddings as much as you do!

If it really bothers you so much to not be the only person who is engaged. Then I guess don’t hang out with any engaged friends of yours until after the wedding, but that would be silly now wouldn’t it? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 6
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

An engagement is an exciting thing. I don’t think you are at all wrong for thinking the way you are. You want your day, I can dig it. Honestly, I think when it’s all said and done you’ll be amazed at how little anything else like that matters though!

Post # 7
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well you are just going to have to face real life and get through it. It’s very childish and immature to not want anyone else to get engaged for a few months after you. People aren’t going to put their lives on hold. An engagement is only super exciting to us and we hold on to that feeling for a while. Everyone else? They don’t care as much after a few weeks. You get ONE wedding day, not an entire year.

Have fun with your friends who are getting engaged around the same time as you. Bounce ideas off each other. One of my best friends is waiting with me and it’s been fun.

Post # 8
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well, it’s good that you recognize it’s not really healthy to harbor these feelings. Remind yourself that being engaged is not about having the spotlight. It’s about celebrating the happiness you’ve found with your Fiance, and that happiness is better if it’s shared. Happiness is not finite, your friends aren’t going to run out of happy feelings for you because another couple just got engaged.

I really agree with what @ktisthatbees: said, it is so much fun to have other friends engaged at the same time. Believe me, none of your single or waiting friends are going to be nearly as thrilled to talk about dresses, colors, invitations, etc. for hours and hours. It’s great to have friends to share tips with and bounce ideas off of, and who understand all your wedding stresses and worries.


Post # 9
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can definitely relate to you on this one Love85. My best friend, my MOH, got engaged 2 weeks are I did. Was I a little hurt, yes. Did she get a larger diamond, yes. Does it matter now? Not really. I’m getting married next year, she not until 2013. However, she had a habit of speaking out against those who got engaged before she did, so this in fact, saved me from some unpleasantness.

on a related note, a co-worker got engaged a month or so after I did and is marrying on the same day, at the same time, but it didn’t bother me really.

BUT.. the green-eyed wedding monster hit me bad last year… friends of ours got engaged last Columbus Day weekend after exactly 1.5 years of dating and they had just bought a house also and I spent the morning I found out about their engagement moping and crying a little bit because those were things that we were working on, but because they had a little bit more money, were able to do so, and it hurt, a lot. At this point, my FH & I had been dating for 2.5 years and living together for 6 months, so I took it as a slap to the face, and have since moved on as they are now  married.

I agree with the others that if you recognize what your feeling, but focus on the bigger picture, you’ll be okay. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Jealousy is an ugly thing. That said, I can see where you’re coming from.

My boyfriend has told me pretty much exactly when he will propose: This February, close to our anniversary. We’re going to Mexico and I’m pretty sure that’s when it is going to happen.

During (Canadian) thanksgiving this year, I was chatting with my SO’s sister. She told me that her boyfriend is going to propose to her while they will be in Jamaica… the exact same week my boyfriend and I are going to Mexico!

I’ll admit to being a bit upset about it, as silly as it is. I just wanted my own moment… but it’s going to be more like we’ll all get back from our vacations and our two engagements will be celebrated together. 

There is nothing I can do about it though. As much as I would like at least a week where my engagement alone is the big news, I can’t demand it. I don’t have any control over it, and I can’t expect no one else to get engaged at the same time as me so that I can be the center of attention.

On the bright side, I’ll be able to grow closer to my SO’s sister while we plan out weddings together ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My cousin got engaged the day after I did. I felt mad for about five minutes, but then it passed. After all, he proposed when it was right for him and his girlfriend, not to upstage my happy news (he didn’t even know about my engagement until after the fact).

But, I admit my first reaction was not pretty. It seemed like I’d waited forever for a proposal, only to have it “double billed” in our family’s newsfeed. After those feelings passed, however, it worked out really well. I love my cousin — and his fiancé — and actually enjoyed being engaged together.

And, I’ve been married several months while they haven’t even set a date yet, so don’t assume that friends who happen to get engaged around the same time will continue to steal your thunder. You’ll see — you will get plenty of attention no matter when others get engaged — and their happiness might even add to (not diminish) your own.

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