Post # 1
I have a dilemma.
My fiance and I were engaged over a year ago. He purposed with his grandmothers wedding ring. His Mom gave him the ring to use when he told her that he wanted to purpose.
I really don’t like the ring though. I’m very flattered don’t get me wrong, but I want something different. My fiance is fine with that. As soon as I tried it on (well I tried to but it is very small and I have pudgy fingers) I knew it wasn’t for me. The diamond is really small, and honestly I don’t want a diamond ring. I would like an non-traditional antique ring. Grandma’s ring looks something like this http://i.imgur.com/2MJgG8E.jpg
So fast forward a year. Without getting into details, my fiance was talking with his Mother about money and how we were going to spend about $500 on a wedding/engagement ring for me. She says “Why doesn’t MsLyns wear my Mom’s ring? Is it too small and not her style?”
I feel so shitty. I’m not sure if I should. She’s known the whole time that we were going to find another ring. The ring I want is completely different. http://i.imgur.com/4aLCe2U.jpg
Am I being disrespectful and selfish to want a different ring? I feel like her saying that after a year of knowing how I feel, means that she may be hurt by it…
TLDR: I don’t want to wear his Grandmother’s ring. Is this disrespectful to his mother? Should I feel like a jerk?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry about it. His mom should have no say in what sort of ring you should have. Don’t feel obligated to accept his grandmother’s ring.
Post # 4
@mslyns: It’s TOTALLY fine that you don’t want it!
But I would give it back to the family, so someone else can use it!
Post # 5
@mslyns: no you shouldnt feel like a jerk…while i feel it means a lot to get something from one of his family memebers that he loves, you still shouldnt feel forced to wear it…i actually have a ring my future mother in law gave me (not engagement ring) and wear it on occassion even though its not my style but the fact that I was important enough to her for her to give it to me made me feel good…you could maybe wear it until you get a new ring and occassionally wear his grandmothers ring on your other hand every once in a while…maybe explain that you just want something of your own and hopefully she will understand..good luck 🙂
Post # 6
His grandmother’s ring is DIVINE! I’ll have it. Haha!
Post # 7
@mslyns: no. If it’s not your style it’s not your style.
Post # 8
No you’re not a jerk! Nobody should be forced Ito accepting a ring they don’t like, just to please somebody else. You’re the one wearing it, so it should be what YOU want.
Post # 9
@BrandNewBride: Oh yeah, I gave it back right after he purposed.
Post # 10
@mslyns: Hmm I agree you shouldn’t have to wear it if you don’t like it. But I would be very, very careful how you tread here. You don’t want to insult the mother in law, she’ll always hold it against you. I would say that you didn’t want to resize the ring – you did say it was very small right? Just say you didn’t want to ruin the ring by having to resize that much, and then give it back (if there’s someone else who could use it, otherwise keep it safe somewhere and let them know that you’re doing that). But then again – do we know how she said that to your fiance? She may not have been too concerned? Maybe just asking a q?
Ah family rings are sometimes a minefield!!!!
Edit: oh it’s already back – well ignore what I said about that!
Post # 11
I think it’s better to be honest than to wear it all the while wishing you had something else.
Heirlooms are great, the stone in my ring was from my fiance’s grandmother. I picked out the setting though as he wanted me to have something for sure I would like.
PS – Love the ring you like, it’s such a unique design!
Post # 12
Hi, it is spelt “proposed” not “purposed” just thought you needed to know.
I love the ring given to you, maybe because it looks like mine. Honestly, the one you want looks like a normal everyday ring that you could wear in addition to the diamond ring. But it is up to you. Maybe they will find someone else who would appreciate the ring more.
Post # 13
I don’t think you’re being a jerk at all! I agree that no one should feel obligated into wearing a family ring, or anything really, that they don’t like.
Post # 14
@mslyns: You have rejected a family ring that has sentimental feelings, history and tradition behind it and instead have chosen to honor and value your own “sence of style” above all that.
I think you should give some thought to that.
There is an overwhelming opinion on the Bee that it is a downright tragedy if a bride doesn’t get the exact ring she wants and selects for herself. It’s not. Some things are more valuable and more important.
Post # 15
And with that said, would you consider wearing it as a RHR? OP, I know you said you gave it back, but if feelings seem hurt, and it’s that big of a deal to the family, would that be an option?
Post # 16
No, don’t feel bad! You’re appreciative but you’re entitled to an opinion on an important piece of jewellery that you’ll be wearing daily for the rest of your life. 🙂 You’re being tactful about it, and that will make all the difference. Besides, once his mom/family sees the ring you end up choosing, they’ll get it – completely different from the grandma’s ring.
This is exactly why I’m not into the idea of heirloom jewellery though – I wouldn’t expect my future generations to have the same taste as me! And I’d much rather choose my own stuff. The only positive I can think of with regards to the concept of heirloom jewellery is it’d give me an excuse to buy nicer/fancier things than otherwise – “But honey! This is heirloom-quality, we can pass it down to the kids!” LOL