(Closed) Is this just rude to say to FI?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I know that my FH wouldn’t have wanted me to just come out and say I don’t want you to propse this way, because he wanted to plan the proposal, but your SO may be different.

I would just say that you don’t know why some people like really public proposals, that you would want something more private. He should pick up on the hint. 

Post # 4
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think this is a fine time to start your transition into making joint decisions…. the ring, the proposal, the budget for the wedding / honeymoon.  All of these things transition you into a “couple” rather than 2 entities spending time together.

Post # 5
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s ok to give him some guidance, such as I really don’t want it in public or on a holiday, but be careful not to seem too controlling or that you are telling him how to propose

Post # 6
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@AmyFarrahFowler:  This all the way. (P.s. Amy, freaking love your sn)


I’m with you in the fact that I didn’t want to be proposed to on a holiday or in front of a crowd of strangers. I think what brought the subject up was I watched a proposal on YouTube that this guy proposed to his gf at a baseball game and she said ‘no’. That led into the discussion of how I would hate to be proposed to that way b/c blah blah blah. I also told him that if he proposed me that way I’d kick him in the testicles and say no (we joke a lot in our relationship).

I think telling him flat out, out of no where would be rude…but somehow guiding him on your thoughts about certain proposals.

Post # 7
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think it is rude to say “SO, don’t propose to me this way.” I think there are many ways you can work things into a conversation that would get that point across and that is not rude. 

Post # 8
4953 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Nope. I gave mine a couple of “rules”. As long as you don’t go too over the top, I think it’s perfectly fine. Just be careful how you say it. 

Post # 9
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would try to frame it in a certain way.  Like hunny I would love to have a proposal that had xyz over one line this because of xyz.

Post # 10
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Yeah, I did what PP have done and made it clear from films we’d watched together etc that a BIG PUBLIC PROPOSAL!!! was not at all what I wanted. And I really didn’t want him to ask my Dad for permission – but he finds my dad a little intimidating anyway, and it’s a running joke in my family that if anyone had asked my dad for permission, he was going to set them tasks before he gave it, because he thought it was a stupid idea anyway.

Post # 11
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yeah, I kind of gave a little guidance, let him know that a big public thing was not something that I wanted, but mostly I just told him that I wanted it to be something he was comfortable with. 

Post # 12
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I think it’s okay to give a little guidance. I told DH that I wanted a private proposal (no restaurants, no ballparks, etc.), and that it was really important for me that he ask for my Dad’s blessing (not permission!)

And he did both, and it was perfect! 🙂

Post # 13
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think it’s fair to give him some guidance of whether you’re comfortable being proposed to in front of other people or not, I am really shy and I am so so glad that my Fiance didn’t propose in front of our families (even though I love them to death!) I don’t think it’s kind to tell your SO “Please propose to me on a hot air balloon over a field of roses!” or “I don’t want you to propose at a restaurant, that’s so cliche” – you catch my drift? I mean, it’s fair to discuss whether you’re comfortable with it happening in private or in public, but not the details of exactly where.

Post # 14
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I gave mine rules. I really want this to be a surprise and just about us as a couple. SO has never been able to surprise me. I’ve known about every birthday and Christmas present since we’ve been together.

Post # 15
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I guess it is probably rude, but I didn’t care. I gave a few “I don’t want my proposal to go like this” requests and SuperFine was totally cool with it.

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