(Closed) Is this just rude to say to FI?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 17
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I think it’s a bad idea to phrase it that way, as in “Don’t propose…” 

But if instead you said something like “It would be SUPER romantic if you proposed to me on a romantic date/moonlight walk/private picnic/etc…” 

I had always thought I wanted a private proposal, but when DH did pop the question (in front of most of my immediate & extended family) I couldn’t have been happier.  He told me afterwards that he wanted to do it in front of them because otherwise he figured I would be on the phone for the next 3 hours sharing the news, so he thought this would be better.  

Post # 18
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Only you know your Boyfriend or Best Friend and how he’d take it… maybe conveniently watch a movie where there is a public proposal at a holiday and make a comment about how you wouldn’t want that. Be more general, rather than watching a show with an elaborate romantic proposal and exclaiming how amazing it is, because he might not understand that it’s the intimate environment that you want, he might just think you want him to spend a ton of money on something crazy elaborate. It’ll be easier if you can just be up front and bring up exactly what you don’t want, though 🙂

Post # 20
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didn’t straight up say, “don’t propose to me this way” but I said something along the lines of “I think proposing on holidays is silly or I don’t know why guys propose on the jumbotron at a baseball game, etc.”  If you see a picture or story of a proposal you like share it with him and say, “isn’t that really sweet?”. . .that way it isn’t do this or don’t do that but you let your preferences known.   Worked for me although I wasn’t expecting the proposal at all. . .he remembered. Smile

Post # 21
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I told my Fiance this. I was very straightforward, “I don’t know when you’re going to do it, but please don’t propose on a holiday. I want it to be special because it’s the day you proposed, not because it’s a celebration of something else.” He understood. He also didn’t want to do it in front of family or super public, so I was fine with whatever else.

Post # 22
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I told my fiance that if he proposed to me over dinner, I would say no. =] It was so cliche to me, and he and i are not a cliche couple. If it’s important for you to have an intimate moment, then no, it’s not rude.

Post # 23
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

I just told him to make sure i look pretty. That is all.

Post # 24
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@echolove:  Eh.  Kind of rude.  I think if you can casually mention it in conversation that’s fine.  But I wouldn’t recommend you dictate how and when and where he does it.

Post # 26
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@echolove:  haha!  well good for you, glad it worked out!!  and best of luck with the upcoming proposal and PLANNING!

Post # 28
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I told my Fiance that I didn’t want a public proposal, in front of our families, or on a holiday. I don’t see anything wrong with letting him know what you would be uncomfortable with.

Post # 29
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My Fiance asked how I wanted to be proposed to. I said no public proposal!! So he did it in our bedroom in front of my favourite people (our cat and dog)! I personally dislike public proposals because of the pressure. You can’t say no! I’m sure most people wouldn’t but I always imagine in the car ride afterwards the woman handing the ring back saying ‘I’m not marrying you, I just said yes so you wouldn’t be totally embarressed.’

I think it’s fine to tell him what you want. If you don’t want to do it directly try and bring it up another way. Like if there is a proposal in a movie comment how you like/hate that. I’m sure if he’s getting ready to propose he’ll be all ears!

Post # 30
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i don’t think its rude. i’ve told my bf that i don’t want to be proposed to in a restaurant (we both worked and met at a high end restaurant and proposals happened all the time there so they got old to us) and he agreed because of our background. just be careful how you say it. it’ll be fine. 🙂

Post # 31
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think it’s rude at all, it’s just your person preference. I told the same thing to my Fiance. I said not in front of other people, and nothing over the top. He was still happy and able to surprise me in his own unique way.

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