(Closed) I don’t want your money!!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Welcome to weddingbee 🙂 I don’t think you need to give a reason. I’d just say something like “It is incredibly generous of you to offer and we so appreciate the gesture, but it is important to us to pay for the wedding ourselves.”

Post # 4
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This sounds just like a problem a friend of mine is having, it sucks that family members think weddings are about them and not the two people getting married.

This is tough because once the offer is made, even if you don’t take it, then you’ll still keep hearing ‘but we offered to help’–which is going to be even more irritating because then they clearly aren’t getting the point that what they want isn’t important to what you and your Fiance want.

I told my Future Mother-In-Law that my Fiance and I made or guest list TOGETHER and that WE are happy with it the way it is and that WE are not considering anybody else’s ideas or wants because the most imporant thing is that WE are getting married and that WE have the wedding that WE want.  *note, she didn’t even offer to help pay

Try to not make it about money when you talk to them.  Make it about the fact that you and your Fiance have done the guest list according to the type of wedding you want.  That you appreciate the offer, but you don’t need the money or the tent because your and your Fiance decided on the list together and are happy with having the wedding of your dreams with a smaller guest list where you can enjoy the time with each of your guests and take advantage of the great barn on the property. Having your Fiance on your side and supporting what you’re saying should also help.  When my Future Mother-In-Law asked to add a couple people, I deferred to my Fiance to respond to her so she understood I wasn’t the bad guy and it really is about US.

Sorry you are dealing with this, I know it sucks.

 

Post # 5
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Welcome! 

I think you’re on the right track and you don’t need to say too much more.  You’ve set your parameters and they should respect your decisions. 

Post # 6
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh lessons, are you my long lost sister??? Fiance and I are in the same boat! What I wouldn’t give to elope–TOMORROW?! Thankfully, our parents aren’t pushing the envelope with either of us, so things aren’t terrible here, but I definatley know what you are going through. Fiance and I created our guest list—98 was the first one, and that was strictly family, there was not ONE person on that list that wasn’t in the immediate family. We handed our list over to each of our parents and gave them the option of adding 20 people each, and I cringed, because I really, really didn’t want 150 people at my wedding, especially if our parents were going to end up adding people that I had never met before. His mom initially wanted to invite her entire church–um, no thank you, Fiance isn’t even a member there! Our final guest list is 119. Both sides have offered $$$ in considerable amounts, but I just skirt the issue, I don’t even address them. Fiance and I are planning a wedding that we can comfortably afford, and one that we want…my parents have made it clear that they will be making a considerable contribution, if not before, then on the day of the wedding…fine…but I’m not seeking any money from anyone. You couldn’t have said it any better–this celebration is about the two of us starting our lives together, not who can decorate their hall the best, or spend the most money on flowers, or whose dress cost the most money! It’s such an incredible waste IMO.

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