(Closed) I dread time with my child

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@lolo21 I called my mom to ask, she says I finally stopped screaming in the evenings around 6-7 months but that was also when I began to walk. She was told when I was a baby that because I was 3 weeks early, my nervous system was underdeveloped and that was just my fussy time, my time to cry. She says not taking anything for her postpartum depression was the worst mistake of her life and her chemical imbalance lasted years, affecting her relationships and efficiency at work. 

She also says that based on her experience, you need to get medical help as soon as possible. It’s a chemical imbalance, there’s nothing you can do to change it by yourself and you need medication. She was so depressed when she had me that she thought I hated her which is totally illogical. She would think when she came home from work, how is it that 30 minutes after the baby gets handed over to her from the nanny that she begins screaming? The baby must hate her.

She says she thinks your baby is picking up on your anxiety like I picked up on hers and it makes it so much worse, especially if your baby has colic. Babies are so sensitive to your emotions and mood and can very easily pick up and amplify your negative feelings. Also, my little cousin had colic for a year and in my experience as a nanny it usually lasts a year, though it can sometimes last up to 2 years. I don’t know of any colicky baby who got better at 3 months and your depression can make it worse. 

In conjunction with medication from your doctor, she also suggests you should try Mindfulness awareness meditation. She works at the cancer center at UCLA and says they use mindfulness awareness meditation for everyone from children experiencing stress, cancer patients and their family members dealing with a diagnosis and treatment, even elderly patients. The website is http://www.marc.ucla.edu and there are free mp3s you can download to your mp3 player and listen to at home. If you live near Los Angeles, she recommends you come in for a class but if not you should still work on it at home.

She also suggests that after doing a few sessions by yourself that you should try doing them with your daughter. Put in your ipod headphones, maybe listen to one by yourself first to calm and center yourself and then hold her and listen to another. Your body will physically relax, your breathing and heart beat will slow and your baby will pick up on that and begin to relax herself. You can start the meditation immediately while waiting for an appointment to open up with your doctor.

Post # 19
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@lolo21 You’re welcome, I hope it helps 🙂 You’re not alone in this and with a little help will be able to overcome it in no time.

Post # 20
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I agree with previous posters:  see your doctor immediately.

Remember that this is the most important part of your daughter’s life developmentally.  Aside from shelter and food, the one thing she needs the most right now is for you to love her like crazy.  I agree with a previous poster who suggested that your daughter may be picking up on your anxiety.

You’re not alone, and this isn’t your fault, but you need to get help now.  And it sounds like you know that, since you came forward here, which took a lot of courage.

Best wishes.  You’re in my thoughts.

Post # 21
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Good luck and kudos to you for seeking help with this.

Post # 22
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sorry you’re going through this. Definitely go see your doctor as others said. 

As for the colic, my little sisters were colicky babies– the youngest’s colic was HORRIBLE– and theirs did get better around 3 months. But until then, they screamed for hours every day. It did get better over time though with switching formula, working harder to get gas out, starting solids– and, I imagine, just time. Your daughter will eventually get over the colic– whatever is causing it, it won’t last forever. 

I’m sure you’ve tried everything, but just in case– have you tried asking how your baby sleeps during the day? If baby isn’t getting enough sleep during naps, and is over-stimulated and over-tired, that can contribute to things. Or, is the daycare provider feeding your baby differently (different bottle? different positions while feeding? different formula?)? 

Good luck with the colic– and even more, sending lots of good thoughts and hoping/pulling for you as you start the journey of taking care of yourself too!

Post # 23
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I wanted to add that my sister introduced me to a thing called Purple Crying. In addition to talking to your doctor and doing everything else people mentioned, maybe it’s something to look into as well. I haven’t read too much about it honestly, but here;s a quote from the Purple Crying website:

“For example, studies have shown that the crying tends to be much heavier in the late afternoon and evening. Just when parents are getting home from work and the most tired. Parents try many ways to keep the baby from crying, or stop the crying, and some of them work, well, they seem to work for awhile.”

Post # 24
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d talk to your doctor – I have had depression off and on, and I know sleep deprivation, life changes, and a crying baby don’t help. You are a great mom and your baby doesn’t hate you, so please seek help. PM me if you need to.

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