(Closed) I dreaded this happening… advice appreciated..

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Don’t invite them! You have no valid reason to. If they are going to gossip about how your money woes are a lie, well, so be it. Rednecks do that =].

Second, tacky tacky tack to ask where her invite is! I’d either a) ignore it or b) say something very in your face yet obvious via a PRIVATE message like “our venue only holds so many people, I’m sorry we couldn’t invite everyone!” how will they know it’s a lie? Right? Or tell them your paying for it yourself and you simply can’t afford everyone you’d love to have come so you are keeping it small.

Seriously how will this “group” know if they all aren’t invited, right? If you don’t see them for 5 years I think you need to move on and just not give a flying rat’s booty what they think of you. They are obviously hoosier, right? =]. Unless you want jeans and tux t-shirts and tobacco spitting at your wedding lol. My parents are living in a very rednecky area and it’s a very…unique place to visit, bieng a city girl and all =]

Post # 4
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just say: “where WAS my invite?”  that should shut her up real quick!! 

Post # 5
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

oh, it sounds horrible for you!!

dont invite them – you wont enjoy them being there, they will bitch and moan if they are there or not and after the wedding is done, the cake is eaten and you are hubby and wife you want to look back and be glad you spent that hard earned money on being with people that you wanted to be with

sending hugs

Post # 6
888 posts
Busy bee

I say DO NOT invite them!!!  It’s your wedding and you clearly do not want to have them there.  And besides, since you are shelling out your own money you have every reason not to have them there.


Post # 7
5972 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sounds like you’ve made up your mind not to invite them (GOOD FOR YOU!). 

I would respond with something simple and sweet like, “We’re keeping the wedding really small.  The new husband and I would, however, love to catch up with you after the honeymoon if you’d like to reconnect! xox”

Seems to me that this is true since you’re under 100 people.  No need to mention budget or your reason for deciding to go small.  And no matter what you do, someone is going to be pissed off.  Probably because they are stupid and there isn’t anything you can do about that.

Post # 8
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Forget these people! 

I love jingle96s reply!! Where WAS your invite? She obviously didn’t consider you guys close enough to invite you to her wedding: why should you feel obliged to invite her?

She is tactless. I wouldn’t even respond to her question on facebook.

Post # 9
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios

Don’t forget to remove her post from your wall too. They aren’t your family if they don’t talk to you for 5 years and gossip about you and your family. Try not to stress TOO much about it.

Post # 11
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yay, we are date twins (and age twins).

Anywhoo, I would probably ignore the comment from the cousin and hope she goes away. If she asks again it’s probably best to be straight up and say you couldn’t invite her due to room space (don’t go the budget route if they have no idea how much things actually cost and expect you to have a bbq). Good luck

Post # 12
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Since you’re only 3 weeks out, they won’t be able to pester you much longer.  Just ignore the rude comments.  I am sure once your wedding passes, they’ll just start gossiping about someone else.  I’m glad you’ve chosen not invite them.  

Post # 13
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m with everyone, and you, about not inviting them and not feeling bad about it.  It wasn’t right of her to ask where her invite is and there’s nothing you could say that would make it be okay in her eyes, so maybe just pretend you didn’t see the message?  I know it’s not best to avoid things, but maybe just this one time since it’s too tricky of a situation.  I really hope these people leave you alone for the next 3.5 weeks!

Post # 14
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

NO WAY should you invite them!

Just be straight forward (or let you MOM be straightforward!) – your venue and caterer are limited to 100, so you’re keeping the wedding small. You’re also only inviting people whom you have TALKED TO in the past year! Or 5!!!

Thank them for sharing your joy, be polite, but don’t beat around the bush on this one. What damage could you do – these people obviously aren’t about to impact anything in your life!

Post # 15
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Don’t invite them.  Thank them for wanting to help you celebrate, and let them know as graciously as possible, that your venue can’t accomodate more people.  They don’t have to know you have the option to move to another room!

Post # 16
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Ick.  Good for you for not inviting these folks, they sound awful. Who demands an invitation after 5 years of not seeing or talking to someone anyway?!

I say delete your “cousin’s” message from your Facebook account (you’re doing her a favor there if she wrote it on your wall — she’s just telling the world she’s classless and rude) and send her a PM saying “Hey Cousin, I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication, but our wedding is really small and we just weren’t able to invite our parents’ family friends.  65% of the guests are already mine because I have such a big immediate family, and if I invite any more there won’t be room for Russell’s family!  Thanks for understanding, Laura.” You don’t have to mention that you didn’t actually want to invite her or her awful family 😉  The only reason I think you should respond at all is so that she doesn’t somehow get the idea that she really was invited and her invitation got lost or something.  She probably posted on your wall because she knows she’s not invited and wants to be a brat about it, though, so ignoring it is probably an OK option.

It sounds like your mom and stepdad are talking a bit too much about the wedding around this group.  Will there be someone at the venue who could help you head off gate-crashers?

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