(Closed) i exploded

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ebotlsrm:  Hugs. I am sorry to hear that. 🙁 Maybe your mom always has that response because that is how she always handles situations. You have to do what you feel is best.

Post # 5
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m just like you. I try my hardest to accomodate people. One of the hardest things I had to learn this past year was to let go. And honestly, it may be best to do so. You’ll save yourself the heart ache.

I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear. I completely empathize with you though.

Post # 6
66 posts
Worker bee

UGH. I am so sorry your mom responded that way. One of my pet peeves is when people invalidate other peoples concerns and feelings. It’s so frustrating. I wish you the best with your bridesmaid troubles and hope that you are able to do what’s best for you to resolve the situation.

Post # 7
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I thought your wedding was over? it says march 2012 on your wedding date thing.


anyways, if it’s not over, your mom is right. You do need to let it go. I read the other thread about the Bridesmaid or Best Man, and that’s how I got here. I wanted to see how you resolved it since your wedding was supposed to be in March. OR do I misunderstand what that date is? March 16?

Anyways, letting it go means that you choose not to let it hurt you or both you. It means you choose to just let it be what it is. Letting go doesn’t mean you forget it. It means you accept it as part of your wedding process. Accept that she Bridesmaid or Best Man will be difficult and that you can’t change it. Maybe the Bridesmaid or Best Man is difficult because she’s jealous. Your other thread said she wishes she were getting married, so maybe that’s all her frustration is. Envy of wanting what you have and possibly, she’s trying to hide those feelings even from herself, because I’m sure she wants to be happy for you. I am sure she doesn’t want to envy you. She just doesn’t know how positively to handle wanting the same things that you are experiencing.

If I were you, I’d try to bring that topic back up with her and use it as a time to reassure her that she will get married and you will be there for her as she has  been there for you. Don’t tell her she’s jealous. Just reassure her. She will hopefully soften. If she doesn’t, ignore the comments she makes and things she does, understanding that she’s just acting out because she wants to minimize what’s going on, so she’s not hurt over not having it herself.

Be the bigger person in understanding this and let it go. You let it go so that it doesn’t overshadow your memories of your wedding. She is apart of your day, but she is NOT your day. She is not your wedding experience. If you keep worrying about her or focusing on her, then she WILL BECOME your entire wedding experience. Focus instead on everything, especially your groom.  Choose to be happy in all the plans you make and even be happy that you have one grumpy Bridesmaid or Best Man, because everything is not going to be perfect. But your memories will be perfect if you accept her attitude as part of the process instead of as a big headache.

Post # 8
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Please, please understand that my telling you to let it go is not to tell you to bend over backward and accomodate anyone. It’s to tell you to accept it and work around it. You don’t have to change a dress color to make this girl happy. Just tell her it’s one day, and she never has to look at the pictures if she doesn’t want to. Then let it go. Don’t think of it again. Don’t cloud your mind with dark thoughts.

Always tell someone how you feel, then let it go. Letting it go is for your peace of mind. It doesn’t mean give up or give in. It means do not keep it close to your heart. Do not let it touch you or hurt you. Deal with it at the time, then do NOT EVER deal with it again. That’s what letting go means. After you tell her that about the dress color, that is the END of the discussion. There is no further talk about it. Let it go.

If she brings it back up, laugh. then let it go, because at the end of the day, she will wear whatever you tell her to wear.

If you take authority, address the issue and tell people how it’s going to be, then you do not need to continue thinking about it or harboring it. You must not feel your choices are final. You must allow be allowing people to override your choices. If that’s the case, you need to stop doing that. Let your choice stand, and then let go of everything else that people say that doesn’t matter. If someone points out something important, of course you can change your decision, but you feel the way you feel because you are not taking authority, making a choice, and letting your choice stand.

You might have to tell her that you love her, but she’s free to walk away if she’s really unhappy. Let her be free to walk away with NO HARD FEELINGS, and let it go, whether she walks away or stays. Do not let it trouble your heart.

I just wanted to add, when my niece gets upset about how her little friends at school behave, I tell her to let them know what the deal is. She gets all upset about hurting someone’s feelings, but I ask her “who has to be comfortable? them or you?” she squirms and says, “me.” I tell her, “that’s right. So do what you need to do to be comfortable, because there’s no reason for you to be upset and mad while they are laughing and glad.”


Same thing with you, Missy. Handle it and then let it go so you can be happy.

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