I f***** my life up.

posted 10 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

notsosoontobe :  how far along are you? there are options here, bee…I think you need to realize that your life is NOT fucked and while things may be tough on you depending on how you choose to proceed, your life is still worth living. A child doesn’t mean you have to stay with a man who won’t marry you. You can still leave him and find someone who truly values you and all the love you have to give, with or without a child. Single mothers find love every day, bee.

ETA: I won’t chastise you for this unplanned event, but this was totally preventable. However you choose to proceed (keeping the pregnancy, terminating, staying with your SO in either event), do not forget his lack of commitment to you. Protect yourself from something you perceive life-fuck-up-worthy next time—especially when you’re with an unreliable man (and yes, his lack of formal commitment after almost a decade does make him unreliable) 

Post # 3
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

[Comment moderated for TOS violation]

Post # 4
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

notsosoontobe :  Did you just want the wedding and honeymoon? Or did you want a marriage?

Post # 5
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

nameless :  Not all people find kids to be “blessings.” Those other people wishing to be pregnant are entirely irrelevant to this situation. If you don’t have anything productive to say, don’t comment. 

OP, you have options. You don’t need to have a child if you don’t want to. You don’t need to stay with this guy for ANY reason. You can leave him, with or without a child. You can stay with him with or without a child. All your options are still open. Take a deep breath. It will be okay. Weigh all your options with someone you trust. Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
991 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

nameless :  that was overly rude and extremely uncalled for. OP is clearly upset. this comment was hurtful for no reason. op doesnt deserve that

chelbell23 :  i second what youve said exactly.

OP, you will be ok. once you get over the shock of this, talk to someone you really trust and weigh your options. youre not alone. good luck to you

Post # 8
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

The actual important bit is the marriage, not the wedding. You could still have your dream marriage, which should actually be more important than your dream wedding.

Post # 9
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

notsosoontobe :  if your heart is set on continuing the pregnancy, you should sort through what scares you about single-parenthood. You can still give your child a fulfilling, happy life without continuing to deteriorate your self-esteem by staying with a man who has very tangibly demonstrated that he’s got one foot out the door. 

This is not the end of your life. You still have plenty of time to meet someone who will see your worth and value that you bring to a relationship, and not take you for granted like your current SO. If you want, mention marriage to him one last time and if he balks, you walk (hey—that’s pretty catchy!) 

Post # 11
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

chelbell23 :  THANK YOU. For many, many people, kids (and unplanned pregnancies) are NOT blessings. Saying they are is a blanket statement for every person in the the world over puberty, and should not be used.

Post # 12
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

notsosoontobe :  What I find helpful is to write out everything that I’m feeling about a situation. You don’t need to show anyone, but it definitely helps me process my feelings and my options to write it out. Plus there’s no judgment, no bias, no one telling you what is “right” and “wrong.” 

Post # 13
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

You’re going to be a single mother. He hasn’t committed for 8 years; he’s not going to start now. He’ll be heading for the hills when that newborn is screaming in the middle of the night.  I would meet with a lawyer to discuss how you’ll obtain child support. Also figure out childcare. You won’t be able to rely on him for that, and daycares can book up quickly. If you haven’t been saving aggressively, start now. Maybe someday you’ll get the wedding and honeymoon you wanted, but that won’t be anytime soon. For now you need to prepare for life as a single mom. 

Post # 14
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

So- I Found out I was pregnant with my son two weeks after his father (my now husband) and I had decided to break up. We spent a few months apart, decided that’s not what we wanted, had him and then a yesr and a half later had a big ass wedding and a 2 week honeymoon in Europe and it was fantastic. We just had to work out some babysitting logistics. He was a year and a half and had a great two weeks with his grandparents while we had a great two weeks acting like newlyweds without him. No harm, no foul. 

I know it seems totally overwhelming, and I won’t lie- kids are a total game changer- but you’ve got this. I promise. 

Post # 15
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

notsosoontobe :  So all you want is a wedding and honeymoon and you think a pregnancy is going to mess that up? I don’t get it.

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