Post # 1
Hey bees…so I failed 2 of my college finals today. Making me fail 2 classes. 🙁 I’ve never ever failed a class in my life. This semester has been pretty terrible. Usually Fiance is pretty good at comforting me, but sometimes he’s not. I think he gets tired of comforting me, because I’ve been in tears every night for the past week (due to it being finals week). Today when I got home from my failures at 3, he just kind of sat there with his arm around me for a bit, but didn’t say anything, and then announced he was going to go weed the yard and left.
I’m so down and Fiance leaving and seeming like he’s tired of comforting me makes it worse. I feel so totally alone and helpless and sad. We’re getting married in less than 3 weeks, and I’m just sitting on my couch crying. It shouldn’t be like this…
Post # 3
Aw, hon, I’m sorry. Have you been screened for depression? If your schoolwork has suffered over the past few months, and you’ve been feeling sad/crying all the time, that might be the culprit. Your campus health services should be able to help.
Post # 4
I have depression, I’ve had it for the past 8 years, I’m on medication for it and I haven’t been doing badly this year at all. It’s a lot better than it used to be. But it certainly doesn’t help when I already feel down. Then I just wonder what the point is and don’t want to live anymore.
Post # 5
@mirabell35: What happened with those 2 classes? So sorry to hear that. Some men aren’t great at comforting, and he can’t always be the one to make you feel better. You have to do some of that yourself.
Post # 6
Try to just take a few deep breaths and relax. Think about how much stress you’ve been under with school and planning a wedding. That’s alot of pressure to put on yourself. Sometimes, you may not even realize how much. It also likely did put a strain on your fiance. Sometimes, men tend to not be able to verbalize things so he may not know what you need right now.
I know that failing classes can come with some consequences, but take a night off from that. Regardless of the result, those classes are over for the semester. If finals week is over, take a couple of days to recoup and not think about things involving school or the wedding. If its not over and you can afford a couple of hours, see if your fiance wants to go out to dinner and DO NOT TALK WEDDING OR SCHOOL or do something else you’d enjoy to relax.
If you do take a couple of days off, come back to the wedding. I see its May 5th, so you’re almost there. Get everything in order and go on your honeymoon and enjoy yourself.
When grades are posted, you can start dealing with school and what you need to do to get back on top.
Good luck! I hope you get to feeling better! 🙂
Edit: Dealing with depression on top of everything else can be very hard but you’ve gotten so far. When you think about suicide, remind yourself that there are reasons to live. Make a list if you have to and refer to it whenever you think thoughts like that. If that doesn’t help you, talk to someone, your fiance, your mom, or a therapist about how you are feeling.
Post # 7
@paigers91: Great advice!!
If you find yourself unable to climb out of the hole, schedule an appt. with your prescriber – your dosages might need adjusting.
Post # 8
@mightywombat: Very true.
And remember that even though it sucks and obviously failing a class isn’t a good thing, two failed classes does not automatically screw over your future. I’m a teacher, and sometimes I see my students completely break down if they get a low grade in just one class. Sure, it hurts your GPA, but remember how big things are in the grand scheme of things…
Post # 9
I agree with mightywombat.
Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I teach at the college level and am a student advisor and usually when I see my advisees failing more than one class, it indicates that there’s something else going on in their lives that they’re struggling with, which has made it difficult to do their academic work.
I think that you should seek professional help because it does indeed sound like you are depressed. It doesn’t sound like your Fiance is being callous; it sounds like he’s just worn out. I wouldn’t take it as a sign that you shouldn’t get married becuase the truth is that no one, not even your Fiance, can be everything to you all the time and with certain struggles, things might just be above his paygrade, if you kwim.
Post # 10
I am certainly depressed, which is why I’m on medication and have tried counseling so very many times. 🙁 I’ve also adjusted my dose a bajillion times and tried every (literally, every) medication known to my doctors–it just doesn’t really work for me. Could this be from birth control? I’ve been on it almost 2 months. Maybe that’s making it worse.
I know 2 failed classes doesn’t automatically screw over my future, but it does screw over grad school. If I magically retook those classes and got A’s and magically never got a B in the 3 semsters I have left, maybe, maybe then. But I need a 3.85 just to apply to every grad school I’ve looked at, and I’ve never been able to retake a class and get an A in it before, so that’s really really unlikley. I have screwed over the future of the PhD I had hoped to get, and need to ever get a job with my bachelor’s in psychology.
Taking time off would be good…sadly, I still have 2 tests tomorrow, then the day after tomorrow I need to move out of my apartment, the day after that I’m taking bridals, so it’s going to be a while before I get a break. 🙁 Thanks for the sympathy though. And I know that Fiance is probably just worn out, but that makes it so much worse because then I’m wearing my Fiance out and I don’t want to do that and feel really really bad about it…
Post # 11
@mirabell35: Well, it sounds like you certainly need to adjust something. And yes, birth control can have an effect on your mood–Depo-Provera for me was awful. I know it’s really exhausting and annoying to have to think about constantly dealing with your meds and therapists and everything, but part of that is the depression, you know. Deep breath and just take one step–make an appointment with your doctor.
All-or-nothing fatalistic thinking is a symptom of depression. You are making a lot of defeatest assumptions–sure it’s hard to get an ‘A’ in any class, but you’re already convincing yourself it’s out of reach. I highly doubt that there’s nowhere you can apply with a GPA of less than 3.85 (and I KNOW that’s not true if you are looking at psychology programs because my sister is in one and she didn’t graduate with a GPA as high as 3.85). And finally, you failed two classes. That’s reality. You have not screwed over a future PhD, nor have you screwed over future job prospects. Those are assumptions. Listen, one of my own professors failed out of college in his sophomore year. It was a setback, but that’s all it was–a setback, and he went on to earn his MA and PhD. So you may have had a setback, which is tough, but it doesn’t have to mean lifelong unhappiness or a career overhaul.
At the end of the day, I don’t think any of the arguments I’m making are going to help you feel any differently because such is the nature of depression. IT also doesn’t help tht you are under a lot of stress. The best thing about this, though, is you are aware of what is going on and you have a lot of support networks in place. Use them. Take just one baby step and call your doctor–that’s the first move and you can do it.
My heart goes out to you.
Post # 12
@mirabell35: You do have alot on your plate right at the end of school. Seriously, try to just take an hour or two if you can. Sometimes, you need to get your mind completely off what’s stressing you out and when you come back you’ll be refreshed. Even just an hour will help.
It sounds like you are thinking of all the negative consequences about failing two classes. Right now, you have to try to put it aside and focus on the things that need immediate attention. Like someone said, it’s a setback but it does not rule out grad school.
It sounds like you are just overwhelmed right now. It even seems like just thinkin a week ahead or a day ahead is too stressful. Try to think in just one hour increments. Like “before 8 o’clock (b/c its 7 here lol) I need to eat dinner and shower.” then at 8, decide what you need to do before 9 and so on. It may help you to not feel so overwhelmed.
I agree with @mightywombat: sometimes you can take some meds for years and be fine and because you start taking certain meds or you’re just extra stressed, any number of things really, you need to try something new. Don’t get discouraged if your doctor switches you either because most psychiatric meds can take a few weeks to really take effect in your body.
Post # 13
Failing definitely sucks. Stress from school turns me into a person that I don’t want to be and it has always been that way. Thankfully I will graduate next May and it will all be over. I failed an 8 credit class my 2nd year of grad school and had to retake it (leaving all my friends who are now graduating this year). I was devastated, but got through it and looking back everything happens for a reason. You can do it! I promise! Just a bump in the road of life and you’ll be a better person for overcoming it. Good luck!
Post # 14
Failing sucks. Have you approached the professors to see if they’ll let you take an incomplete and revise a little? Or if they have any other opportunities to help you out? Professors want to help students, not fail them, but sometimes there’s no other choice, especially if the student never comes forward.
And I don’t know where you got the minimum 3.85 to even apply to grad school — I go to a top tier grad school, and I know many, many people who get in with lower than that. You just have to have good recommendation letters, study hard on the GRE, and have a solid writing sample! It’s not all about the grades!
Post # 15
I’ve failed some classes in college, some were my fault and others were my teammates screwing me over royally. One class I failed because my teammates claimed I didn’t pull my fair share in the group and failed me which set me back a semester. It is a shock at first but I think it may have been one of the better things that happened to me. I had a much better experience the second time around with that class, better teammates and I took more of a leadership role. Plus I had a job lined up before I graduated which probably wouldn’t have happened if I had graduated that spring vs. winter and it allowed me to take one more class so I also got a minor.
It may seem like a horrible thing now but when a door closes another opens. I’m sure something positive will come out of this, you just don’t know what it is yet.
Post # 16
Hey, this semester I had to drop ALL of my classes, because no matter how much I studied and did the homework, I couldn’t keep my grades up at all. I’ve never had to drop all of my classes because I was such a failure before. But after dropping them, I realized how depressed I was going to school knowing I wasn’t doing good and barely getting out of bed. It happens, life gets in the way and studies can suffer. But I’m sure you will be fine after this wedding. =]