Post # 1
the SUIP this week. Like, miserably.
I haven’t been joining the threads mostly because I don’t really have time to keep up with it each week. However, in my own little head, I have been playing along for months. He has brought up weddings and rings a few times on his own, and I will respond to him but not get super excited and dive into an hour long convo with him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I can’t imagine making comments like “well, we can discuss this when we’re engaged,” because I feel like that’s even more pushy than bringing the topic up yourself! I give happy, in-the-middle responses 🙂 But I digress…
Tonight my SO called me up (we are LDR at the moment), and asks me what I was up to. I said “oh, you know… just surfing the web on my computer.” Of course I was looking up wedding venues…and I sounded pretty sneaky in my response, unfortunately 🙁 When he pressed me as to what I was looking at, I totally caved! I told him “um, well…looking at wedding venues on the coast…” and he goes “oh, cool!” I then proceed to tell him about my favorites, but how they’re so expensive. He asks how I know they’re expensive, and I dive into explaining most websites list their venue prices, catering prices and menus, local cake prices…and yeah. I failed hardcore. He was very interested, asking questions about the menus and about the bar policies…but yeah. I suck.
Thanks for letting me whine about how I lost all self control after being so good for over 2 months 🙁 boo.
Post # 3
@kendra389: I don’t think this means you failed. Your SO asked you about it and was very interested in discussing wedding planning. The SIUP is mostly for Bees who annoy their SOs with their incessant wedding chatter – so much so that it has the potential to drive their SOs away from proposing. That being said, I think it’s good that you’ve been actively trying to temper your responses. Keep up the good work!
Post # 4
@somethingaquamarine: Thanks! I have been extremely well-behaved. I nagged him badly in February (damn Valentine’s Day), and I realized it really was driving him from doing it because he wants at least some “surprise” element. I just couldn’t contain myself tonight! There are some beautiful venues near us, and I was honestly hoping he would react positively because he’s been talking about rings lately. I hope I’m off the list soon, because he genuinely seemed excited 🙂
Post # 5
@kendra389: Heehee!! Sounds like he was actually really interested!!! If it seems like he really wants to talk about all that, maybe it’s time to relax the SIU a bit–within limits. . . perhaps being excited it all with you and talking about it will get him to propose sooner! You never know!
I don’t dare bring such things up to my SO– I spend a lot of time looking at dresses and ideas for fabric flowers and such, because I’m going to make my own dress– but I manage to never talk about it, because the one time I did, it didn’t go well (this was months ago). We were discussing a trip to Montreal, and I was like, “ooh, I can go to the fabric shops and maybe I’ll find some pretty white fabric to being home!!” And my SO was really irked and told me that sometimes, too many hints are just TOO MANY. That made me really SIU for a while. :/ So I’m not allowing myself to buy ANY fabric until I’m engaged. I wish I could. . . those fabric flowers I want to make are going to take tiiiiiime. . . ;P
I do have a tendency to think about venues a lot. I would love to get married in an apple orchard in bloom, but I have trouble thinking of anywhere that would be feasible, and how on earth would you know what date to pick for that???
What sorts of places have you been looking at?!
Post # 6
@Creiddylad: omg making your own dress!? Sounds dreamy!! I’m sorry he reacted negatively…perhaps he is stressed about buying the ring/planning a proposal and he lashed out 🙁 My SO had to tell me that he had specifically been trying to get me off track by telling me some falsehoods… Just because I was bringing it up so often! Then when I threw my hissy fit three days after Valentines, he told me I really had to lay off because I was making him unexcited to propose to me… kind of sad 🙁 That’s why I started the SUIP…and it appears to have worked! 🙂
The apple orchards are usually in bloom late May around here, right? I bet if you picked a date in the last week of May, they’d be in bloom 🙂 I think they’re gorgeous, maybe an orchard specializes in events and could host a wedding??
I’ve been looking on the coast… Somewhere in between York and Bar Harbor, ME. I would like to be more southern, because I’m from Southern Maine, but some of the places up in Bar Harbor are gorgeous! Who knows where we’ll windup… They really are so expensive, we may not end up at one at all 🙁
Post # 7
@kendra389: I wonder if College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor would be willing to have a wedding on its grounds? I know some of the students who went there have gotten married on their grounds– which are right on the water, and quite beautiful, with lovely old gardens (if anyone’s been taking care of them) and a beautiful old stone building– “Turrets”– it’s an old mansion that houses some of the college’s offices. I know ’cause I went there. 🙂
Do you have a particular time of year you want to get married in? I imagine that some of the venues would be cheaper in the off-season. In Bar Harbor, there’s a small window of time between things being busy, expensive, and open, and pretty dead and closed down. In that window of time (mid-October), there are a decent number of places open but it isn’t crowded and I know that most of the B&B’s, anyway, have reduced rates. I imagine it’s similar all up and down the coast.
Yeees, I’m going to make my dress. I’e sewed my own clothes for years, and partially supported myself before grad school by being a seamstress. I wouldn’t want anyone else making my wedding dress!
I think my SO was grouchy about the fabric comment because at that point, I was saying something about getting engaged or married every 2 or 3 days– way too much, especially at a time in our relationship when things were still a bit strained by my starting school. I imagine at that point he might have started saving for a ring. . . I just have no idea where he is in that process. I wish I had a hint– it’s a bit frustrating to not know!
Post # 8
@kendra389: at least you can talk about weddings, mine gets very defensive when i even mention bling lol. he’s gitten me earrings, and necklaces and yes, 2 rings but, not “the ring” I’ve reasearched venues, and all weding things, lol. i’ve dreamt about how he’ll propose and what kind of dress i’ll wear. i’ve watched say yes to the dress for so long. But, something tells me 2013 won’t be the year either. maybe it never will be. i donm’t know…..but i know i love weddings!! heh heh
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Having an actual discussion with your partner is not failure. It’s communication. There’s a difference.
Post # 10
as long as you aren’t whining I’d agree that you are doing well.