Post # 1
Regular Bee going anon…
My SO and I just broke up after being together over a year. I feel terrible and he isnt making it much easier by saying things like “you’re a liar for saying you love me” and “if you really do love me then this wouldnt be happening.” I do love him, we’ve been friends for many years and I’m devistated that he wont be in my life any longer. I guess thats why they say dont date your friends. He has made it clear that I’ve broken his heart and this is the last I’ll see of him.
We have had a very rocky few months. He doesnt work much and isnt going to school or anything and I feel like he espects me to take care of him. He had me paying for everything and wouldnt contribute. We would constantly fight and when I developed reasentment I withdrew a little and he became clingy, obsessive and controlling. I felt like we were both unhappy and I didnt see another way out. If we stayed together our problems werent going to go away and were only going to get worse.
I just feel awful and he keeps telling me that I dont love him because I gave up when things got tough and that I needed to learn how relationships work.
I just need some support or advice. Thanks
Post # 3
He’s only saying those things because he is hurt. The more time that passes, the easier things will be.
Post # 4
@anonbee8590: Honey, don’t beat yourself up and don’t allow him to make you feel guilty about what I am sure was a very difficult decision. Sometimes you just have to walk away from a relationship because it simply isn’t fixable. I’m sure you’ve worked very hard to keep things going too. The fact that things have come to an end is no evidence of lack of love but more than this particular relationship had run its course. Very sad for you.
Post # 5
You made a hard choice. I’m sorry. It’s normal to feel devastated. It doesn’t necessarily mean you made the wrong decision.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I think you did the right thing. Stay strong. Time will make this easier.
Ditto PP that he is saying these things to make YOU feel bad for making a GOOD decision. He is upset that now he has no one to take care of him.
Post # 7
@anonbee8590: ((HUGS)) I’m so sorry you’re hurting! Ending a relationship is one of the most difficult things we ever have to face in life, especially when you’d contemplated being together for a very long time.
Don’t let him make you feel bad for the decision you made. It sounds as though he’s trying to manipulate you into continuing to support him and take care of him by saying you’re lying when you tell him you love him. He obviously does not know what real love is. He’s being immature by saying that.
You are doing the right thing for you. You can’t have an equal and healthy relationship with a man who’s acting more like a needy child than a mature adult.
This will get easier with time; the best thing for you right now is no contact. YOU make it no contact – don’t let him have the power here. He’s trying to make you feel guilty and you have no reason to. Cut ties with him and walk away with your head held high, girl.
Post # 8
@anonbee8590: He’s saying those things out of hurt. It’s unkind, hurtful, and immature, but the sentiment behind them is innocuous. He will move past it, and feel badly for the things he’s said.
What did the ER doctor say to the mom when her kid ate a quarter?
A: This, too, shall pass.
Post # 9
I appreciate all of your responses. He just keeps sending me messages about how he cant believe I’m throwing him away and he cant believe I’ll ever love someone else. Its just hard because I feel like this is what we both need but we’ve been a part of each other’s lives so long that I cant imagine him just not being in mine anymore.
Post # 10
I would just stop resoponding to his messages. He is angry and hurt and is hoping his words will make you feel the same. Go do some things for you, get some new clothes, a manicure, a massage, whatever makes you feel good and shut off your phone for a little while. If this is what you need then start your road to happiness now, don’t let him make you feel worse than you already do.
Post # 11
Sounds like you did the right thing! He is just upset and probably in denial. You should be proud for making such a hard decision and sticking up for yourself.
Post # 12
@anonbee8590: I don’t have much support beyond breakups SUCK. It can be mutual and without any fireworks and you will still be miserable for a bit.
Hang in there. Just cut him out completely. Perhaps someday in the distant future you can work on being friends again, but right now you both need to distance yourselves and work on healing. If he won’t leave you alone, block his number and unfriend him for now (explain you are doing it if you feel bad about it).
This was my biggest fear. I dated and I am marrying my best friend, but I was terrified to date him in case we didn’t work out and I’d feel greedy for wanting more. I can’t begin to imagine how hard this must be, but you WILL get over it, time may not heal all wounds, but it makes them easier to handle.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry. Breakups suck. Especially if you are losing a good friend. Right now he’s hurt and trying to manipulate you and make you hurt too. I’ve been on the receiving end of that before. It sounds like you made the right decision. It’s hard being the dumper or the dumpee. Hopefully he just needs time and eventually will stop villainizing you and see the relationship for what it was.
In the meantime I encourage you to create space between you. Don’t accept his calls and tell him you both need time. Just bc you are the one who ended it doesn’t mean you deserve to be emotionally berated. I made the mistake of trying to be there for my ex way too long and he only took that as an opportunity to try and get back together. Years later, we are good friends.
Post # 15
I told him I needed to be able to focus at work now and that I cant talk anymore. But I have to see him tonight to get some stuff and I’m terrified to see/talk to him in person. I feel like I owe him that but it wont be good. I feel sick 🙁
Post # 16
Just be honest with him like you already have. You really owe him no further explanation, but if I were you I’d bring someone over with you tonight just in case. It sounds as if he is very upset and hear broken. You need to protect yourself in case something happens.