Thanks for your replies, sorry it’s taken me a while to update.
He didn’t really say much when I told him why I’m wearing it on my right hand… mostly because I think he already figured out the reason why. I just explained that I’m wearing it with love on my right hand, but that I just don’t want people asking all sorts of questions, because they already harass me enough. He said it was all good, and that he understood.
A couple nights after that, we were joking around about a show we watch, The Office. In it, this girl (Pam) was engaged to her fiance for 3 years, and then left him for one of her coworkers (Jim). They fell in love and got married.
My guy was joking about some guy flirting with me at work, and about how he ‘just knows’ I’m going to find my own “Jim” at work and leave him. I giggled and was like “well, it’s doubtful, but if I get another promise ring 3 years from now…. you never know!” and he laughed and was like “ouch! okay good to know.” We’re a very witty couple, we joke around a lot, but I’m sure he got what I was saying with my comment.
I haven’t really been thinking about getting engaged the last little while, and honestly, I can’t decide if I even want to mention anything just yet. We had spoken about timelines back in June, and though ours don’t match up perfectly, part of me just kinda wants to leave it be for a while. Not to just sit back and hope with all my might or anything… just to give it a rest. Because honestly, for quite some time up until when he gave me that timeline back in June, I was bringing it up quite a bit. And I would always get quite emotional while talking about it. Whether it’s about him and I not being ready at the same time or not, talking about it non-stop takes a toll on me.
Yes, I was kind of upset that he didn’t propose for our anniversary. But in all honesty, I feel like I brought quite a bit of that disappointment on myself. I was the one who was daydreaming, thinking that his 2-3 year timeline was just to throw me off. I did that all on my own. Does it suck that we still aren’t engaged after 4 years of dating? Yeah, sure, it bums me out from time to time. But as it stands right now, even more important than worrying about WHY we aren’t moving forward yet… I’ve really realized as of late, that due to one reason or another, I really haven’t been taking proper care of myself the last couple years.
My health is certainly one thing I can control, and for now, I think that’s what I’m going to refocus my energies on. My relationship is fabulous, we love each other very much, and I know we will be married at some point in the future. But there also comes a point where sometimes you have to take a step back and take a look at life. At yourself. I’m happy, sure, I love my life. But I’m also not in the physical shape I want to be in, I’ve gained a lot of weight over the last few years. And that has taken a toll at times. Don’t get me wrong, most days I feel fabulous, but others… bottom line is, it’s time for a change.
If I get to a point where I can’t take the waiting anymore, or it really starts to bother me again, I will most definitely bring it up to him again. I know I’m in control of myself in this relationship, it’s not all up to him and him alone. I know that. For now part of me just really wants to give the relationship talks a break, that’s why I haven’t mentioned anything about being upset with getting the promise ring. And because frankly, I think he knows. He must. He’s known I’ve wanted to get engaged for over a year, and I think on our anniversary, that’s why he asked if I was disappointed. I really do believe that’s why. I think guys pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for.
I do believe you have to check in every now and then and make sure that you’re still on the same page, but I’ve also realized that having relationship talks over and over again… it’s just not fun. Sometimes you just have to let the relationship be, let it unfold naturally. That’s what I’m trying to do for now, because I don’t want something like this to happen…I’ve worried that talking about it and getting emotional about it every week/month/every couple months can potentially take a big toll on us. I’m trying to push the timelines out of my head, because we do have a great relationship and I don’t want it ruined because I thought we’d be moving forward by now. We had talked about it in June, it went fairly well (in that he was actually able to GIVE some sort of timeline, that was a definite improvement). I’d like to wait a few more months before I mention it again. Especially with how much I talked about it in the past, how often I brought it up… I guarantee that me NOT talking about it will make him wonder what’s up.
Plus, I want to have him be the one to bring it up next time, simply because I’m tired of always being the one to bring it up. This way when he brings it up, I’ll know it’s because he WANTS to, because he’s truly READY to. I also believe that once he sees me focusing more on myself and my life, and not just him and our relationship, he will step up and take notice a bit. If not, then I’ll re-evaluate the situation when I feel that time comes (ie: consider the moving out idea).
I really appreciate all the support, if you guys have any other advice as to how to stay motivated to focus on myself (or just the situation in general), I would love to hear your thoughts. 🙂