(Closed) I feel bad – was I rude?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My initial thought is why wouldn’t the friend’s friend offer to babysit so the husband could attend your wedding with his wife, instead of her friend attending the wedding??

I think you are being reasonable. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Post # 4
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No think that is fine, given the size of your wedding.  Although I find it odd she would bring a friend, I would think she would ask the friend to babysit instead and enjoy a night out with her hubby.

Post # 5
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Motor Yacht Destiny

I believe that you shouldn’t feel guilty.  I mean yes, you said “plus 1” and didn’t specify originally that it was meant for someone you and your Fiance personally know, but to be honest, in my opinion, that’s sort of…implied…at least for a wedding as private as your own.  You sent out the plus 1 to her obviously meaning it to be for her husband whom you and your Fiance both know, and so you weren’t expecting her to bring along a friend who is unfamiliar to you.  I know it’s a difficult situation and I don’t have much advice other than that you shouldn’t feel guilty, but I understand where you’re coming from and would honestly feel the same way.

Post # 6
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Aug2012bride:  Hmmmm…that’s a tough one.  On the one hand, it really shouldn’t make a difference logistically because it doesn’t change your expected number of guests, etc.  But, it really isn’t fair to the singles that didn’t get a plus one.  If they can’t bring a date, but your friend gets to bring whoever she wants, that’s a little messed up.

Has your friend replied to your email yet? Does she seem offended?

Post # 7
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@babymakes3:  Agreed.

Why can’t this other friend babysit? If she’s available to go to the wedding, she’ll be available to babysit.

Post # 8
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you handled it very well. I had to call one of my friends yesterday that rsvp 2 adults and asked him who he was bringing.. he said i put that just in case, arghhh. We are also having a small wedding 50 peeps, and I know everybody there and don’t want strangers. It is not the most pleasant conversations i tell you! don’t feel bad, I think is is silly that she needs some friend there. She is an adult and can socialize and meet new people, besides, two of her friends will be there.

Post # 9
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012



I was thinking that they must be first-time parents who have a newborn.  I have friends who don’t feel comfortable with sitters (even friends or family) for their newborns.

Post # 10
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I think your response was perfectly acceptable and polite, no need to feel guilty. 

Post # 11
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It depends how you addressed it. If you addressed it to her plus guest then though you made an etiquette blunder you should allow her friend. If you addressed it to a married couple his name is on there so you did not give her plus one standing you invited her and you invited him. No plus ones.

Post # 13
1075 posts
Bumble bee

@babymakes3:  That’s a really good point, I hadn’t thought of that. 


@Aug2012bride:  I think that it’s a weird thing to request and that your response was fine. If it’s a small wedding people should be understanding that even one person you don’t know is still 2% of the guest list! 

Post # 15
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Since you’re putting her at a table with the bridesmaids, I think it’s okay!

Post # 16
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@LaTortuga:  I agree with that as well.  If the invite was addressed to the wife and her husband then no, but if it was addressed to the wife and guest…well she implies that she is free to bring a guest with her, doesn’t have to be her husband. 

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