Post # 1
The last few weeks have been bad. After SO announced that he won’t want to tell his parents when we get engaged, other things in life have really snowballed. We’re having a lot of financial issues right now, I’m falling very behind in school and work, and to top it off, I am in the midst of a cervical precancer or cancer scare. I’ve been experiencing odd symptoms for a month, and had tests run Wednesday, but I don’t get the results until Monday. Both doctors I have consulted with have mentioned the possibility of HPV and/or cervical cancer and sent me home with literature to read about them. I am freaking out about these possibilities. SO keeps telling me to be optimistic, it’s probably nothing, but I’m frustrated with him because my symptoms indicate that there is a serious problem, it’s just a matter of finding out which problem it is.
To make a long story short, I feel really depressed. I can hardly get out of bed or force myself to do anything productive. I’ve had three major anxiety attacks in the past two weeks, which is new, I never experienced them before. I can’t sleep at night. I’m dealing with a lot of practical issues, but I also have a piss poor self-view right now. I’m feeling underconfident because life feels out of control, SO seems like he definitely doesn’t want to get engaged, I’m at the point where I can’t blame him because I’m so stressed that I’m probably not fun to date anymore, and I can’t even bear to think about the future because I’m worried I’m about to get diagnosed with a serious cancer. SO is trying his best, but I don’t feel loved or supported.
This is way too much drama for one post. Help.
Post # 2
Oh my gosh–I’m so sorry you are going through all of this! ::HUGS::
I can’t imagine what you’re feeling–so many things seem out of your control. Is there anyone you can lean on for support? Friends or family? I know it will be hard, but you need to push your focus on your health, first and foremost. Don’t let the stress of an engagment draw away from that. And, likewise, if the pressure of school becomes to much, talk to your advisor and see if you can scale back or take some time off. I wish I could do something for you! I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers this weekend hoping for the best outcome for your tests! Is there anything you can do for yourself that might lift your spirits this weekend? A spa day or lunch out with friends? Anything to take your mind off of things?
Post # 3
I am so sorry, just try to remember you are your own worst critic, your SO and your family and friends certainly do not think you are unlovable at all. Just turn to them for support now, and focus on feeling better. *hugs*
Post # 4
You poor thing. That’s so much to handle right now. Health, relationship and financial worries are horribly scary. Are you in any physical pain or discomfort? I wish I could make you a cup of tea, feed you cookies and listen to all your worries. You sound overwhelmed. I’ve gone through a few periods where my life imploded. I can tell you what helped me.
First off, prioritize your concerns and determine what you can and can’t do. I used to write lists for this part. You need to make your health a priority so do what you can to make yourself feel better. Eat really well, hydrate, try to sleep, get some fresh air and some exercise. Really baby yourself physically and be protective of your sanity. Surround yourself with friends or family who can support you and help distract you.
Sometimes knowledge can be really empowering. If you think you can handle it, find out everything you can about cervical cancer. Know what the treatments are. If it’s too scary then don’t worry about it. You’re worried about money. Do you think you could go through your finances, find out where you stand. Your debts, savings, available cash, income, expenses. Find out where the money goes and see if there’s a way to cut back in some areas. Maybe you and your boyfriend can go through this together and problem solve.
Lastly, there’s the boyfriend issues. It does seem really horrible to know that he doesn’t want anyone to know about your engagement and I don’t blame you for feeling really down about it. I know that it might be hard to do this but if I were you I wouldn’t focus on that right now. Accept the help he gives. It doesn’t sound like he plans on leaving anytime soon and he seems to be trying to comfort you in his own way. After you get through this weekend and you feel a little stronger you can have a long conversation about your relationship. But for right now you’ve got enough on your plate to worry about and that conversation can keep for a few weeks.
Remember, one step at a time. Baby yourself. Focus on what you can do. Trust that all will become clearer in time.
Post # 5
I agree that you should postpone the relationship discussion until after you know more about your diagnosis. Your health comes first. I am so sorry about all of the problems you have just now. I’m sure that your relationship challenges simply worsen the situation. However, I think that your SO needs to be supportive.