Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA
I know I sound like a broken record on here, so I apologize in advance. We’re going on the 3rd month of waiting with him having the ring in our house. 🙁
I didn’t know if I should post here, but if it can help lift my spirits, I figured why not?
Help me with what I could tell myself to chill out and know it’s going to come soon and that all this waiting isn’t in vain. That he’s still certain and he will sooner than I think. He’s told me by next year we will be engaged, but I can’t help that I’m honestly getting a little frustrated about the fact that I know he’s got it, we always discuss our future like it’s just matter of fact, he lives with me and my daughter… it’s not like he doesn’t see us being together forever or anything.
I’m just frustrated that I’m being made to wait for months just for the formality of being proposed to.
Help me control my thoughts/feelings please. 🙁
Post # 2
Exercise- it’ll take your mind off things and you’ll have a new obsession. I actually dumped my SO for not proposing but exercise is the only thing that kept/keeps me sane during this stressful time. Nothing like a good 30 minute sweat session to dial down the anxiety. I also got into dieting so that’s a nice outlet for my energy and focus- nothing crazy just generally eating better. I’ve also been focusing extra hard at work. Basically, focus on anything BUT wedding/engagement stuff.
Post # 3
I’m sorry. I would be discouraged, too. So, he’s had the ring for 3 months, but says you’ll be engaged by next year? Is there a reason he wants to wait 6 or more months to propose? Especially knowing it upsets you?
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Think of it this way: the wedding is “your day,” but the proposal is sort of his. It’s the ONE thing he gets to do, so I say give him the time to let him do it in a way he wants. The fact that he has a ring for you is great! And 3 months really isn’t that long to wait, honestly. Just keep yourself busy with other projects and things, and before you know it, it will happen. =)
Post # 5
hickoryhills : I gotta disagree on this. Men can help with the wedding and make it their day too. It’s 2018. The proposal isn’t their last chance to make a mark. I know I intended to split wedding planning 50/50 with my ex-SO, I never intended to do it solo.
Post # 6
Waiting is hard I’m sure, but in the meantime try to focus on other things. Pick out wedding colors, look at dresses, start a billion Pinterest boards, check venue prices, find a cake style you like, etc. You can focus on the planning process even though you don’t have a ring. It’s just a matter of time before it’s on your finger but you KNOW it’s coming so might as well get a head start on the planning. You know he loves you and your daughter. The only difference is the ring isn’t on your finger yet. Maybe he wants to wait until the holidays when you’re gathered with family? At least ou know it’ll be in the next 3 1/2 months. And he HAS the ring so there’s no guessing game there.
I agree with PP that it’s his time and the wedding is yours. Exercise will help too like another said! Also, there’s a new thread about the holidays coming up and Christmas being less than 100 days away. I usually start planning holiday dinners and compiling Christmas lists around this time so that’s another outlet.
Good luck and it’ll come soon!
Post # 7
“the wedding is “your day,” but the proposal is sort of his. It’s the ONE thing he gets to do…
Why? I’m glad no one told my Fiance that the wedding is my day and not his. I’m not sure why he’s spending oodles of time planning and doing wedding tasks with me then. I would feel very lonely in a situation where my Fiance has nothing to do with our wedding.
Post # 8
Ugh, Im sure the wait is so hard but its not that long in perspective. You have a man who loves you and is committed to you. He has bought a ring. He has given you a timeline.
I totally relate to wanting the ring NOW but all signs are good here. Try to have fun and not stress about it. Also maybe tell him the vagueness on the timeline is stressing you and maybe he can be more specific or move his plans up.
Post # 9
mimivac : I second that. Planning a wedding is no joke and not every woman dreams of her ” big day”. If my future SO intends to leave all that stress and bs to me, well there won’t be a wedding. This is just another push for women to do all the emotional and actual labor. It’s not funny to me that there’s a common sentiment that the groom just shows up where and when he’s told. Ha freaking ha (NOT).
Post # 10
youmaysayimadreamer : Maybe he has something special planned? My husband had my ring for a couple of months, he proposed while we were on vacation which is why he didn’t just propose as soon as he got it.
He’s told you he’d propose by next year, which is really right around the corner. I would try to not get too worried/upset/stressed until the new year comes and goes and you don’t have a ring on your finger.
And regarding the engagement/proposal being his day and the wedding being your day, I don’t agree with that at all. My husband was involved in the planning, I would have been pretty annoyed if he didn’t care what did and didn’t want to have a say. It was a special day for both of us. And getting engaged isn’t just for him to decide, but it sounds like you guys have an agreed upon timeline so as long as he doesn’t go past that timeline I don’t see the problem.
Try and be patient, and I agree with other PP’s- exersize is a great way to relieve stress!
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
3 months is a long time to be on the edge of your seat waiting for a ring! I’m sorry bee, I know that’s gotta suck. My SO has had the ring for a month and i’ve had a few “what if he’s changed his mind!?” freak outs. But your SO has confirmed that it will happen before the end of they year, so try to reframe it in your mind. Tell yourself he’s planning a new years proposal.
I think my SO is waiting because I wanted to be involved in the ring selection but he wanted it to be a surprise. I was kind of bothered by this but after talking to a girlfriend, she reminded me that the proposal is a big deal for him. He’s super traditional so the fact that he found a way to let me be the control freak I am about the ring but still have his surprise proposal speaks to how well matched we are. I’m telling myself that he wont propose until the end of the year (i honestly have NO clue when it’ll happen) and I’ve managed to forget all about it most of the time. I KNOW it’s coming, I KNOW he’s committed to me. As excited as I am to be his fiance, this part wont last much longer and for now I’m just loving being his girlfriend!
Post # 12
Charliejeorge : “Tell yourself he’s planning a new years proposal.”
This is a great suggestion. Have a date to look forward to and if it happens sooner… great!
Post # 13
I’m sorry, that does sound frustrating, and I would probably feel discouraged in your position as well.
I am also waiting, and it’s been a little over a month since the time period for him to propose officially began (we were waiting for me to close on my house). In my case, though, I know that he hasn’t proposed yet because our lives have been so hectic lately – not only working on our house, but he also has two empty units (he owns and rents out a couple duplexes) that need work and cleaning so we’ve been spending a lot of time there as well. He’s also mentioned a couple of times that the reason he hasn’t proposed yet is because there’s just so much going on right now. So although I am waiting, it helps a lot to actually know WHY I’m waiting. Plus I’m so busy, I don’t have enough time to get anxious about it.
Has he told you why he’s delaying the proposal? I think having some idea of why would help, even if you don’t entirely agree with the reason. Then at least you can make sense of it, instead of just constantly wondering why. I think it would be helpful to have a conversation about it with him, although of course I don’t know if you’ve tried talking to him about it yet. You could tell him that being in limbo like this is stressing you out, and it would help calm you if you knew his reasoning for not proposing yet, and an approximate time frame that’s less than any time over the next 6 months. He may not even realize how anxious waiting is making you, if in his head it’s a sure thing and he’s made it clear that it is.
The second thing I’d suggest is just busying yourself. Go to the gym, learn a new language, build a desk, start crafting, hang out with friends more, experiment with cooking, whatever floats your boat. But being busy is really helpful, I’ve found.
Post # 14
My cousin’s now husband had the ring for 6 months before proposing. She had given up on him entirely by that point, and when asked why he waited so long he said he couldn’t come up with the perfect plan. The men usually feel a lot of pressure to be perfect in these scenarios. It could be that he’s decided on a Christmas proposal so your families could be around, or is waiting until a certain time of year for aesthetic purposes. Who knows.
I suggest you wait and give him until the New Year, like as agreed. You could also mention how you would like to be engaged sooner rather than later, but only suggest it then let it go. I know it seems like forever right now, but invest yourself in hobbies and distract yourself. Time will go by quicker than you expect.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA
Thank you everyone for your responses and advice.
I’m going to try to keep distracting myself with other stuff. I’m usually pretty good about it being out of sight, out of mind. It just hit me that we are in the 3rd month of having the ring. I worry that he’s not certain or not ready and he just bought it to buy time?
He told me to pick out what I wanted back in January, so I did, and then he told me he’d wait to buy it in June. He did. It got delivered in July. & now I’m still waiting. So to me it feels like I’ve been waiting for 9 months. lol
I used to talk about it a lot, or about wedding stuff, or wedding bands to match, etc and he asked me to stop because it made him feel like I’m just aggressively hinting that I want it now… & he wants it to be on his terms – as far as when he proposes. He has told me it will be before the new year, so I’ve been telling myself it’s going to happen soon – even if he waits until Christmas when we visit his family.
I’d be mortified of a public proposal though… Especially in front of all of his family. I don’t speak Spanish and his family is Mexican. He’s first generation American & his parents don’t speak English at all. A big proposal in front of a bunch of people would just feel forced & not us.
I hope he has something intimate planned before the Christmas trip to Texas. :/
I am trying to just look forward to the rest of our lives without concentrating on the here & now. I just got anxiety all of a sudden last night when realizing we’re on the 3rd month & it sucks feeling like I shouldn’t bring it up to him.